Advice about getting signed off from work?

[Lola33]

Hello,

First time poster but daily reader here.

I was wondering if anyone had thoughts or advice about getting signed off from work by docs during the ivf process?

In my first attempt in Feb this year, which resulted in a BFN, I took 3 weeks off work. One week was annual leave and the other two were fertility leave. (My work allows 2 weeks off in a 12 month period which I know not everyone has and I was so grateful for it.)

However, I'm now approaching the start of attempt 2 (end of May). This time I thought I'd take minimal time off work, partly because I've used it all up, but partly because I felt that perhaps trying to carry on as normal and stick to a routine might also be helpful. My workload has been manageable recently and I have a supportive manager who knows what's going on, so I felt all would be ok.

But today I recieved a negative work email and it has sent me spiralling and tipped me over the edge. I couldn't hold back tears so I had to leave the office and take the afternoon off sick. I know I am overeacting to this one particular email and I usually have thicker skin but I feel as though it's brought on a mini breakdown. (I'm currently writing this with the worst tension headache and red puffy eyes from all the tears.) I think it's a compound of work frustrations but I know that the infertility/ivf journey and anxiety that goes with it is playing a huge part too.

I'm not in a good place and now worried that continuing to work through the next attempt might not be wise so I wanted to see if anyone had advice around getting signed off. I do feel guilty and cheeky as I have already used up my 'allowance' but I also have gone above and beyond for over 5 years in my job and at the end of the day, having a baby is far more important!!

Thanks in advance to all you ivf warriors who have already provided so much advice and comfort to me on this journey.

[Tnthketnf]

Hi Lola I am so sorry this so hard right now.

GPs are generally sympathetic towards the emotional struggles of fertility patients. Obviously there will be some who won't be helpful at all. I think you will need to explain to your GP that this situation is impacting on your emotional health and work is adding on to the whole stress and hopefully they will listen to you and give you some time off.

All the best for your next cycle!

[Llizzie]

I have some experience of dealing with a heavy job and spiralling mental health. Firstly you’re human and you’re going through something tough. Your reaction to that email is entirely normal for someone going through what you are. The important thing is that you have recognised that it’s a sign you’re not feeling well - that takes tremendous awareness which is something you should applaud yourself for - it is also a sign that you’re catching yourself before you fall further. Is there anyone at work you can talk to? I was very open about my IVF with work (very lucky I could be) as it meant people eased the pressure a bit and while I didn’t take it easy on myself, having that understanding was enormously helpful when I did need to duck out. I found myself crying on a bench in the middle of the city and having to give myself permission to sack off work for the day.

I needed work as a focus because I required some routine and distraction but you know what you need best. You can always take a couple of days and see how you feel with a complete unplug, and then make a decision longer term?

Finally, I’ve had depression and anxiety for 20 years now and not once have I struggled to get signed off sick. If your GP is not empathetic I would be surprised (and I would see another!).

Sending you a big hug x

[Zumba22]

Hi Lola, so sorry to hear this - is working from home an option for you? If so, maybe you could talk to your boss about doing that? Xx

[Fluffy21]

Hi Lola33 your gp will be led by you if you want signing off work they will. I struggled with a stressful job with safeguarding children and eventually quit my job after several months off sick during ivf. The impact on your body from the drugs and emotional impact alongside long hours at work shouldn’t be underestimated. I fell pregnant naturally after I handed my notice in and can’t help wondering if this would have happened sooner if I had been kinder to myself around work because I was so burnt out. I’m not saying quit your job, but be kind to yourself when you need it. Sending you lots of baby dust xx

[BettyBe]

Hi Lola33,

Hopefully your doctor will be sympathetic. Most doctors are discreet and won’t put the specific reason for sickness, mine always put the blanket ‘gynaecology’ on my ivf sick notes, as it’s very personal and I didn’t want to disclose what I was doing. Do you have a sympathetic doctor you could see / talk to?

It sounds like you need a break anyway from all the stress. Tell your doctor how you feel and how it is impacting you mentally, I’m sure they will sign you off for 2 weeks. I’m sorry you are going through this, everything is amplified when going through ivf and with all the drugs! Good luck 🌺

[Nic_o_la_la]

Hi Lola, I can only agree with what the others have said here. It’s really positive and insightful how you’re reflecting on what happened yesterday and all the emotions of ivf / fertility stuff is playing out for you. It’s such a tough thing and I think we often think we are coping OK until something makes you face up it. I guess it’s totally a personal decision but I’ve had 2 full cycles and the first time I just took off sick the main days for collection / transfer and worked the rest. Last time I worked through stims still but was off from collection through the TWW and it made such a difference. I thought work would distract me from the TWW the first time but it was the other way round and I felt worse that I wasn’t doing a good job / letting people down etc. I still had some guilt when I was off sick longer because I’ve never been off like that before but my mind was in such a better place being able to potter at home, do nice things to keep me occupied etc. I spoke with HR before my first time because I was worried about being off sick / my record etc but they reassured me about it and as you actually can’t work for collection etc then it should be sick and don’t waste annual leave for it. Sorry this is lots of waffle to really say, don’t feel guilty about taking time off and prioritising yourself. I’ve given so much of myself to work over the years (I’m sure probably affected my fertility) and ultimately I’ve started to accept that it’s not more important than me / my life and my hopes for a family and you should prioritise yourself every now and then.

They did change the sickness policy nationally in December to allow you to self cert for 28 days because of covid issues impacting on staffing which is what I ended up doing (it was a BFN and I couldn’t go back to work straight away cos of my head space at the time) so wonder if that still might be the case. I’ve heard GPs do recognise fertility etc and will sign off sick but just to say you might not actually have to go to the GP if that policy is still the same xx

[Pupster83]

The way the timing of our treatment cycles have worked out with waiting lists and covid I’ve had 1 a year for the last 4 years. The first I didn’t take any time off but the last 3 I spoke with my gp and she signed me off no problem. I generally worked the first week of injections while there were no regular check ups then took a 2 weeks sick line which gave me all the scans, retrieval and a few days after transfer (on the 2 rounds I got transfers). Good luck.

[Lucy92x]

Hi, sorry you’ve been made to feel that way from an email at work. I’m just coming to the end of 14 weeks off work due to a round of ivf and a bfp. My work knew that we were starting and I’d already told them I would be going off sick, my manager luckily was very understanding. When I spoke to the GP about having the time off they were also brilliant and signed me off with no questions, most people understand how long and gruelling ivf can be. You really need to take care of yourself, your own mental health and that potential little babe you could eventually have at the end of all this. Work always continues without us, even in the busiest most understaffed places.

Look after yourself and put you first for a change x

[Alwaysbelieving]

Hi Lola, I’m currently off work as I was tipped over the edge on Wednesday afternoon and sobbed my heart out to the HR manager who is aware of what I’m going through. It’s the second time it’s happened (pretty much a year to the day in fact) and taking the time off was exactly what I needed. Put yourself first and work will still be there when you feel ready to go back. I agree with Fluffy - your GP will/should be led by you, I got a sick note straight away when I explained my situation and how I was feeling and they were so supportive. However I appreciate not everyone might get that response. My next transfer will also be the end of May so hopefully we both get the outcome we so desperately want. Sending love and good luck wishes x

[Lola33]

I just wanted to say a belated thank you to everyone who replied to my post. I've had a little break from the forum, but your replies provided so much comfort and support at the time. Thank you, I really, really appreciate it. ❤️