IVF loneliness

[ClareJ86]

Hi all, this is my first post and I think I'm just trying to reach out to see if I can alleviate the feelings of being so alone through this infertility hell.

We've been trying for a baby for years and years. Two years ago we started on clomid, got pregnant on cycle 2 but miscarried at 8 weeks - needed medical management. Had 9 cycles in total but no luck. Started IVF this year, first cycle in August. Was going well - lots of eggs, lots of viable embryos, one implanted and 6 in the freezer. But then disaster struck and I got severe ovarian hyperstimulation. I was in hospital for a month and got very, very sick. It was terrifying. And at the end of it all I miscarried again, another one that had to be induced and it was particularly grim. I was off work until November.

I though I was on the mend but now, just to add insult to injury, my hair is falling out in a big way as a result of being sick, miscarrying, all the hormones and the major weight loss due to being ill. It's coming out in huge clumps, washing my hair is so soul destroying and I hate the way I look.

My sister in law and another of my best friends have just announced their pregnancies. I'm surrounded by babies and pregnant ladies, it just seems so easy for everyone else. I feel so split down the middle each time a new pregnancy announcement is made - half of me is genuinely happy and excited and wants to be involved, the other half is so sad and jealous and heart broken and simply doesn't want to hear about any of it.

People are so supportive and help as much as they can, but ultimately I feel so so alone. My husband is amazing, I couldn't ask for any better. But even he can't fully understand. No one really asks me anymore how I'm feeling or if I want to talk about it, probably because they don't know what to say/ask or because I'm pretty good at putting a brave face on. But inside I'm just dying.

It shouldn't have to be this difficult.

[hannahkc]

Hi Clare, really heartbreaking to read this post 😪 You've had a rough time of it to say the least.

It's great that you have a supportive husband, he sounds ace.

But with the weight and hair loss are you getting any help from the clinic or GP with diet and with counseling?

Make sure you get yourself back to good health before taking next steps.

Can appreciate the lonely feeling, I hope you can find someone to talk about it with.

Only other thing I can offer from my own experience having had 1 fresh transfer (with moderate ohss) and 1 frozen transfer, both ICSI.... Frozen was a bit easier symptoms-wise, but I'm sure you are aware of that being generally the case. You sound like you have a promising chance with all those frosties 💜🤞But please do, get yourself well again first, honey. Easier said than done i know. X

[ClareJ86 in reply to hannahkc]

Hi Hannah,

Thanks so much for replying, it's nice to hear from someone else who has been through the gauntlet.

I'm having counselling at the hospital, they've invited me to their group session too and I think I'm going to attend. The GP is being kind of helpful, they don't seem too concerned about the hair loss - blood tests etc don't show anything to be majorly worried about, it should sort itself out eventually - but I might go back and see if there's anything more they can offer to help. Right now I'm just on iron and b12 supplements.

I know I have the frozen embryos, and hopefully it should be a little easier. I think I just need to make sure I'm as ready as possible before diving back in, not that I'll ever feel super ready or not apprehensive. It's just hard going through one disappointment after another, but if I get a baby out of it I'll do it as much as I need to.

It would be helpful to have a crystal ball 🙂

[hannahkc in reply to ClareJ86]

Oh bless you, and thanks. It's been a tough year but feeling a bit better after a good bit of Xmas downtime☺️

The group counselling sessions sound promising. After just a year on this fertility treatment journey myself it's something I want to look into in the new year. I thought I was coping alright but don't know of anyone close to me doing treatment and I think for me it can feel lonely that I can't do as much of the stuff I used to with friends; Im not off working out or drinking with my responsibilty-free pals, or a lot of my girlfriends have toddlers now, and are always busy going through their own stresses.

Yeah a crystal ball would be good!

You've been a trooper, I really hope you get some overdue good luck soon.x

[ClareJ86 in reply to hannahkc]

I didn't think group sessions would appeal to me, but considering the main thing I spoke to my counsellor was about feeling so alone, she suggested group might be good for me. So I'm up for giving it a go.

I know what you mean about all your friends having babies and toddlers, you just feel like the odd one out - you're not in the club. I can't just arrange to hang out with people as they have responsibilities/plans with their kids, they aren't as free as me. But I guess that's just the way life is now....

Keep your head up, love. I hope you enjoy the Xmas break and get some good news soon 😊 Xx

[Drives]

So sorry to read your post. Sounds like you've been having a really tough time of it lately 😢

I've found it really lonely at times too. Unless you've been on this journey I don't think you can truly understand what we go through. My emotions have been all over the place this year and I've found it really difficult with my sister and best friend both having babies. You're doing the right thing and talking to someone though - that's great.

Remember we are all here for you too 😘 x x x

[ClareJ86 in reply to Drives]

Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️

You're right, unless you're having IVF you can never full understand how huge it is. I feel bad saying that as a lot of my friends and family have made a lot of effort to learn about it to know what's happening at each stage, and they offer support through it all. But ultimately they can't understand and there's nothing they can do to help. In my very low moments I often feel I've nowhere to turn.

I'm sorry to hear that you're surrounded by pregnancy, and that you've had a tough year too 😢 I really appreciate you responding to me, very kind xx

[Tugsgirl]

I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. You are definitely not alone here, welcome xx

[ClareJ86 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you so much, it's comforting to know there are others out there I can share openly with ❤️ X

[Dolly8]

It’s shitty honey. I’m feeling pretty low and lonely right now too after 13 weeks of IVF/miscarriage hell. I am praying for you that you get through this and your outcome will be successful xxxx

[ClareJ86 in reply to Dolly8]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through it all too 😢 Thank you for the good wishes, I send positive thoughts to you too - let's hope 2019 is our year 💛 X

[Em2405]

I’m so so sorry for your pain. This was difficult to read. Sending you love.

There is nothing that can take away the pain and loss you have suffered. Just time to ease it I feel.

You are a warrior even if you don’t feel it. Infertility is the loneliest of journeys, this place helped make me feel a little less alone.

I would wholly recommend counselling. It might help.

It’s great you have a supportive husband, I do understand that unless you are the person going through it no one can quite ever understand the feelings that you have.

I really hope you get some happiness in 2019 and for someone to carry on with this journey after all you have been through is amazing.

We are all here for you and I’m just so sorry you’ve been through all of this.

[ClareJ86 in reply to Em2405]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I already feel less alone and misunderstood after seeing the responses and posts from other women suffering in the same way.

Sometimes I feel like a warrior and sometimes like a failure. Let's hope 2019 brings some happiness 💛

[LKT1]

Sorry to hear of your intense emotional pain. I can only try imagine what you have bit through but I know about the loneliness, it’s so hard when others around you have babies and children, not only because you long for that for yourself, but you are right, it really effects the availability of your family and friends to. Don’t put on a brave face. We started talking about our situation which felt a little weird at first but we were surprised to find out that lots of our friends knew other people going through, or had experienced difficulties TTC and some even who had nieces and nephews born through IVF. It helped us knowing we were not so alone after all. Chatting on this forum has also been amazing. All of the ladies and gents on here have been so supportive. Keep looking after yourself and I am sure the group meet will be a great place to meet people with similar experiences. Xx

[ClareJ86 in reply to LKT1]

You're so right, chatting to others will be the right thing to do - I'm glad I found the forum and I think I'll try the group counselling. I already feel better today than I did yesterday 🙂

Thank you for taking the time to respond, you're very kind x

[Hidden]

Totally get where you are coming from. Other half is happy and excited to hear news of other couples having babies and other half doesn't want to know. My sister in law is due in march and I'm not interested in seeing the baby when it's born as I know it will cause intense pain inside. With me struggling on a daily basis, I don't need the extra uncomfortableness.

We have been trying for 2 years... I have bilateral blocked tubes and am waiting to see if they can fix them before going down ivf route. But will have to pay for ivf of needed. Are you continuing with ivf?

Hear to talk xx