Morning all, its taken me a while to post this. Last time i posted was ro ask advice on the next step of our fertility journey. We were lucky enough to conceive naturally but due to messed up cycles we didnt realise until we were 6 weeks. Excitement wasn't a big enough word.
I wasn't booked into the midwife until 9 weeks and after all its taken to get here so i booked a private scan for last Wednesday when i was 9 weeks one day. The same day as my first midwife appointment.
The scan showed no heartbeat. We measured about 8.5 weeks and were offered 3 options for referral to EPU. 1 pass naturally but could take a long time. 2 medical management...to make your body contract and pass...been told done in a day but then read some horror stories...or 3 surgical..i think was mva so suction essentially. Its all so clinical and awful words.
Anyway research is quite hard on this and wanting to know 2 things.
1) any advice on options? Im in tomorrow. (Crappest Christmas eve ever)
2) How soon did any of you start trying again?
I am ok. Heartbroken but very pragmatic...even though we have been to some very dark places on this we know we can conceive, we know we can get through anything and we know we have an amazing friend and family network of support. This little one was just not meant to be but the next one will.
So sorry for anyone else going through this xx
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Hello im so sorry to here of your loss, i didnt have a good time with the EPAU and was a back and fourth journey. To pass naturally it took me around 2 weeks and i bled for about 10/11 days its not a natural period like bleed it is different so don’t be alarmed. I wanted to go for Medical Management but for some reason they had wanted me to keep booking scans so they were sure of whats happening inside. On the date of my scan i was supposed to be 8 weeks but was only showing around 6 weeks no heartbeat. Take pain relief it is painful like a painful period. It really depends on how you feel they are all safe methods and if you want it to be over may be surgical is best. I know its a scary process i was going through this alone as my partner was abroad at the time. You can start trying again as soon as you feel ready (i took some time out to grieve) it takes time to feel ok but thats fine. I hope you get the support you need, and im here if you would like a chat xx
Hi, am very sorry for your loss. It’s simply devastating. It sounds like I’m in a relatively similar position to you. I lost a baby at 9 weeks in October. I had a D & C in hospital under a GA as I just wanted the whole thing over and done with and needed to move on. It was thought I had lost the baby around 7 weeks although I didn’t find out until 9 weeks and there had been no bleeding so I wasn’t convinced that the natural process was going to be that quick. I also have a bit of a problem with bleeding as my periods are v light so felt like my body would need some help! You will get lots of other advice I’m sure.
The most common advice is to wait until you have had one period until you start trying again. Some people don’t though and get pregnant straight away. To manage expectations, as lots of people told me that you would be really fertile after a m/c, I’m 2 months on and just waiting for my period for the second time (have got all symptoms!) I don’t want to be negative but just managing expectations.
Like you, I was delighted to have got pregnant naturally so there is always a silver lining. Good luck on your onward journey and wishing you all the best for next year xx
Thank you and thank you for managing my expectations! All anyone is saying is you will be super fertile and i know its meant well but i wasnt before so i may not be again!
I think i am in that place. I just want this over as quickly aa possible. I won't ever forget this but i cant start to heal until it is actually over.
How was your physical recovery after d&c...there is such little and very high level info!
Thank you. I only had very little bleeding (but that might just be me as, as I mentioned, I bleed very little anyway!) The initial recovery was instant as I think my body’s reaction was just to get out of hospital! All the nurses were amazed! Once home though I did have some cramps and had to take things a bit slowly. Physically I found the process fairly easy to recover from. It was my hormones that were all over the place. Obviously very emotional in a grieving period so I ended up having 2 weeks off work. I would say just take your time to recover and grieve. Some people ‘recover’ very quickly and some need more time. Neither is right or wrong so just do what is right for you. Definitely don’t push yourself. Take care and rest. If you would like to PM me about anything, please do. Xx
I'm so sorry you are going through this and Christmas eve as well. My first Mmc was on mother's day that year ironically! Firstly I would say there is no right or wrong option, it is purely what suits you. Personally when I went through this a few years ago i opted for surgical. my body was showing no signs of doing it naturally and medical sounded painful and I figured we had had enough painf already. I have had general and local anaesthetic and would opt for local simply because it means you are out much quicker. Not going lie emotionally a pretty horrible experience but physically ok. Big hugs and hope 2019 is the year your dream comes true.x
Thank you! So local from your eyes? Hadnt even thought of that. I think i was down the road of wake up and all be done. Crazily on some level i think i will try and put it in the 'it wasnt real' box. That box will hit me on the head with a bang at some point though!
So sorry to ask but the local...do you see and hear everything? This is what i mean about such little info.
How i am getting through this is ploughing on as the usual steam train i am...its just my coping mechanism..if i can be back on my feet quicker then this is muxh better for me.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I hope your journey is a successful one xx
My choice may be biased as I ended up getting a temperature after the general so had to stay in over night and the next day, which would not be good given the day it will be for you. It was better in terms of waking up and all done. With local it's a feet in stirrups scenario. I didn't see anything but there is some noise. Would be worth taking in some ear phones. Just felt a bit light headed for 30mins. Honestly neither is a great experience and if I had got out after general I might think differently so I wouldn't rule it out. I know what you mean about coping mechanism, important to do whatever you need to do.
We ended up having 4 mmc but now have our very precious rainbow baby boy, so there is light at the end if the tunnel and I wish the same happy ending for you. Xx
Thank you so much, this has really helped me and i am so so pleased for you and your happy ending xx
I am so sorry to read this — so sorry for your loss.
We had a MMC that was rather protracted as the sac kept growing but no embryo. After four weeks of EPU visits and scans we decided on surgical management as I found it too difficult waiting for my body to make the decision and just needed it over physically so I could recover mentally, It was a general anaesthetic but I was home by lunch time and suffered no pain. The mental scars took a bit longer. I was told wait one period and try again and also as someone else said that we would be more fertile afterwards. Loads of people I know in similar situations got their BFP quickly - it didn’t work for us but we were it seems the unusual ones
I agree that all people say is you will be really fertile afterwards but I tried to research this a bit and I don’t think there’s any actual evidence you will be any more fertile than you would have been anyway. I think it’s an old wives tale. It probably makes people try again a bit sooner than they are perhaps ready to as well.
I was advised to wait for one normal period after miscarriage before trying again so if you do get pregnant you can date it properly, which you’ll probably want to be able to do, given current circumstances.
I think there is no right answer for any of this. There is such little information but experience of people that see this daily. There is no real research on this and we are all different. Some will be super lucky and fall pregnant right away, some will go through the same awful experience many times. All we can do is support each other with positive and real life experience we have. Lets face it most of us on here are struggling...all we can do is offer one another advice as we know or see it and down to the person who asked for it to take what they need from it.
Old wives tales are there for a reason i say. All any of us can do is hope...i swear positivitu of any form helps all of us along the way.
Thank you both ladies, taking the time to comment and support me means a hell of a lot right now xx
Oh Daisy I’m sorry I didn’t mean to come across like that and I’m sure your doctor knows better than I do. I just wanted to share that I’d searched for research on this and it didn’t seem to be there. I know for me it felt like people were giving me false hope and trying to look on a bright side that I didn’t feel was there when I was miscarrying. I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself very well x
I’m so sorry. I think in your case I would wait a week to see if I started to pass naturally- it sounds as though the miscarriage only happened a few days before it was picked up so your body might recognise it and do what is necessary. Stock up on paracetamol and hot water bottles (or an electric heat pad) and super size towels to prepare if you do decide to go naturally, and don’t be afraid to ask for a codeine prescription if it hurts (I’ve miscarried naturally twice, one time hurt a lot, one time not much).
Obviously only you know if waiting will be emotionally bearable for you though, especially given the time of year and social commitments etc.
So sorry to hear this. I’m also going through a miscarriage. Baby stopped growing at 7+3 and I started spotting at 9 weeks. Before bleeding properly and miscarrying at about 9+2. It happened quickly and naturally once my body recognised it.
I found this time very painful but just about manageable at home.
I know some people take a long time to miscarry naturally so it’s hard to say what is the right way to manage it.
I found information on the miscarriage association website really helpful.
Hi, I’m sorry to hear you are going through this especially at Christmas. I had a MMC of twins in November, I should have been 9&1 but they measured 7&4 and 8&3. I blindly opted for medical management without doing any research I just wanted it over. I was told I needed to stay in hospital until it was over which meant an overnight stay. The drugs did not fully work for me and I ended up needing 4 doses in a day before I passed something the next morning, it got stuck and had to be pulled out which led to retained product and dragged it out a further 2 weeks, during which time I was readmitted with suspected infection. I found the contractions caused by the drugs very painful. Initially I felt like I should have opted for a d&c but now it’s over I’m not so sure. None of the options are pleasant. I hope you come to the right decision for you. I have just started my first period and am waiting to call my clinic tomorrow to start a FET cycle. Xx
I'm so sorry you went through that. It sounds awful.
A friend has tried to convince me to go the medical route and to be honest i would have gone down that one if i had managed to get in thursday or friday. It's the emotional side of that which scares me but I'm a tough cookie so thought i could do it. I'm not sure i can with Christmas day being the next day. I just dont want to be having the miscarriage on Christmas day. Mad how the brain works...it's not like any day is good for this is it?
I just want the quickest physical recovery...the emotional one will be much longer but i guess its the control side of me wanting to deal with at least one part as quick as possible.
Thank you and wishing you all the luck in the rest of your journey xx
I chose this option because I just wanted it over and to move on so I can completely understand that. I desperately wanted the closure but the scan the next morning was inconclusive as to whether any product was remaining and I ended up just having to give up control and to wait it out. I bled for 2 weeks and continued to pass bits of product. I know this option is generally successful for most people and if I face this situation again I honestly don’t know which I would choose. I was lucky to be given a 3 week sick note following my medical management and I really needed it, it took 2 weeks for the physical pain to pass then a further week for me to feel emotionally strong. You will get through this, I felt completely hopeless and like nothing would ever feel ok ever again but time does make it easier. Xx
I’ve had 2 natural mc first was very painful started light bleeding no cramps for 3 days then 2 days intense cramps like labour contractions I got codeine they worked a treat. You pass palm size clots which is they weirdest feeling but after the pain stopped just bled for a week after. Next one was quicker I knew what to expect was more prepared walking around earlier on helps get things moving took codeine again light bleeding the next pain and clots only thing the pregnancy tissue was stuck in my cervix went to EPU they pulled it out a little uncomfortable but not bad. They then decided I needed medical management which didn’t work I decided to go home everything was fine just went back for scan to check. Been having a strange time at the min we could possibly mc again soon I think I’d opt for d&c as I just want to be able to manage it for time off work etc.
Oh god I’m so sorry, it’s so cruel 😞 my heart goes out to you lovely xxx
I opted for the surgical option as I couldn’t bare the thought of prolonging the agony personally, so I had a D&C under GA and the hospital were wonderful and really took care of my husband and I. I’m just so very sorry if you need to talk please feel free to message xxxx
So sorry for what you are going through & wish you the best xoxo
Hi there, so sorry for your loss. I understand how you must be feeling. I have had two missed miscarriages, one passed at 7 weeks and we found out at 10 weeks, the other passed 12 weeks and 2 days and we found out the next day when we went for a scan. With both I had a D and C, I waited with the first and it took so long it was making me feel so anxious and alone. So I went in for surgical removal. The second being much bigger, they recommended surgical again. It was just day surgery, took a few hours and the next day I was up and about. I bleed for about 4-5 days, just like a period. Please feel free to ask me any questions. Sending big hugs.
So sorry to read this 😞 I don’t have any advice I’m afraid, just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you today and wish you all the best on your next steps xx
I had a mmc at 11 weeks found out just before my 12 weeks scan. I chose the medical management first and it was awful. I know it sounds strange but, I thought it would help me to grieve to feel as though I had given birth to my baby. Was in for a full day and told baby had passed. Weeks after I was still getting positive pregnancy tests and thought I had fallen pregnant again. Sadly, the baby I had the medical management for had actually gotten stuck in my cervix and the nurses hadn't checked properly to see if I had passed they just told me baby had. So 8 weeks later I had the surgery (emergency surgery) as they were worried about all complications. This did not help me mentally and became very withdrawn. I think it has to be the hardest thing to ever go through. I am now 21 weeks pregnant with my little boy who j cannot wait to meet. I feel pregnant with him 5 days after the surgery so, I believe he was waiting to meet me. I really do wish it all works out for you. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and know that we are all here thinking of you xxx 🎄🎄🎄
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Unfortunately due to the time.of year i am struggling to get in so we are booked for surgical management on 2nd Jan. Much more of a wait than i wanted but we have got this far so will get there too.
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