Sensitive post. Not asking for sympathy need to rant

[Jo_Se]

Went to my Christmas party last night.

I'm 9 weeks but I don't consider myself out of the woods by any means I've miscarried before and I go off my progesterone support in a few days. I'm very nervous if my body rejects it.

So at the party last night a colleague I don't usually talk to said hi how are you. I hear you're pregnant!?....

Now I don't have many close friends so I confided in 3 close colleagues about the whole IVF process. (And i had to tell HR for time off.) So they would know if I was quiet or unwell etc.... I work in a big place and even bigger when I remember contact to other UK sites.

I feel so betrayed. Believe me, when i feel confident I want to shout it to the moon and back!!! But until I do I hope they're ashamed of themselves! Especially if it doesn't go much further than next week. And yet I may have people I don't hardly know asking me when I'm due. Be careful who you trust!

I'm not asking for lots of sympathy but clearly there are very few I can actually talk to. So I'm ranting on here..

Sorry

[Sweets1]

Oh I’m sorry that happened to you, I would have felt annoyed too. That’s really bad!!! Do people just not realise!!! ☹️xx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Jo. So sorry to hear this, if I could count the number of upset ladies who phone me on the Support Line with similar stories..... it just makes me so annoyed, when you think you’ve confided in the few you need to, and word gets out! You rant away, untill you feel like telling everyone. When you come to the end of your progesterone, try and wean off them over a few weeks, then hopefully you won’t feel so anxious when you finish them. Thinking of you. Diane

[Jo_Se in reply to DianeArnold]

That's a good idea thank you x

[Saya85]

No sympathy here- just anger on your behalf !

Ugh how can people be so blasé about these things.

I recently got a grilling from ex and NEW colleagues on why we didn't have kids and what we were doing to TTC and take it seriously !!

They're lucky that I know they genuinely care and not asking out of gossip but sheesh- can people not leave well enough alone when someone obviously doesn't want to talk about it?

I would relay your story back to the colleagues u told and show how upset you are. Maybe they will realise and at the very least tell those they've told to hush up?

Often people who haven't gone through infertility struggles really don't get it. I'm sure it wasn't malicious but maybe they also confided in others who may have been making horrible comments about you being off/unwell/distracted etc

Regardless don't feel pressure to answer their questions - often worth throwing it back at them and asking who told them something like that?! You don't discuss your personal life usually at work so you're surprised people would be commenting on such things

[Jo_Se in reply to Saya85]

Thank you I did ask who told them and all the sudden is umm uhh umm. Well it's about me surely I should know who not to trust. And yes thank you I am thinking of a good way to say it to my supposed work friends. It's just that I have more than enough going on I thought they knew but I guess I need to reiterate I don't need this, it cuts deep.

Thanks again x

[Saya85 in reply to Jo_Se]

Good luck

They may have assumed that once you were pregnant you would tell people and all the secrecy wasn't needed anymore.

What they don't realise is how often it can lead to miscarriage and complications especially post IVF and so were not out of the woods yet.

They may have just got over excited !

Worth giving Benefit of doubt and just expressing how upset you were and why. Not worth ruining relations or making it stressful.

Anyone decent will realise their mistake and even if they don't own up to it will be more careful x

Of course it may have come from someone in HR? They may have slipped up and mentioned it or written it etc rather than someone deliberately breaking confidence when you told them personally