Hate waiting

[Kelz84]

So I have possible egg transfer tomorrow. I’ve gotta be honest, I’m 💩ing myself. I’m trying to be level headed but I’m crumbling. I’m 34 I’ve had two pregnancies before resulting with now a 16 year old and a 13 year old. I discovered I had endometriosis when my youngest was three. My partner who I’ve been with for seven years same age. Suffered from Hodgkin’s lymphoma when he was 18. He done two batches which were frozen. In total he had eight samples for ivf. Egg Coll went better this time round and we ended up with five eggs that made through the first 24 hours. The lab technician told me they struggled with the sperm sample as it wasn’t very strong or great.

Now I know I’m not a fortune teller but I’ve got a gut feeling that’s been brewing since yesterday. I don’t think they have made it. I’m probably just preparing myself for the worst. But I just can’t shift this gut feeling. I know no one knows what tomorrow will bring. But i feel that it would help if the lab could just check on them. But with the clinic I go to they don’t disturb them for the whole time they are in the incubator. Which is brilliant but so frustrating.

I just needed to get my thought out there. As it’s so hard to speak to my partner as one I don’t wanna make him feel inadequate and two I don’t wanna devastate him with my negative thoughts.

Our last cycle broke us with only one egg making it to day 3. And that was our only egg we had.

Oh I just don’t know. 🙁

[MissSaoPaulo]

I was thinking about you today wondering if there was any news. When will they confirm the transfer for you? Of course you're stressed out after the poor result last time and these last few hours must seem endless. Hoping for good news for you tomorrow xxx

[Kelz84 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Hi hun no news. Basically we have gotta leave the house in the morning with the possibility that we maybe doing a wasted trip. Exactly what happened last time. So I’m just hoping that I’m worrying and all will be positive. But thank you so much for your kind message xx

[MissSaoPaulo in reply to Kelz84]

Wow, keeping you in suspense to the very last minute. Sounds like a very stressful system for their patients!!! Fingers crossed for a lovely smooth transfer for tomorrow and, who knows, a couple extra for the freezer xxx

[Kelz84 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Yeah it’s awful MissSaoPaulo. I done know what to think. But I’m just hopeful xx

[Tugsgirl]

It one frustrating wait after another in this game. Wishing your embies well. Keep us posted xx

[Kelz84 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you hun I appreciate it xx

[MofM]

Slighly similar situation here.

Done EC abroad on Nov 19th, four embryos frozen at day 3 and booked for a FET on Dec 17th. They will thaw them on the 15/16th, and bring them to day 5, but the clinic is closed for the weekend on the 15th and 16th. Therefore, I am doing all the preparation, but I will know only on the day of the transfer whether any of them survived to day 5.

Now very stressed and negative: they were expecting 15 good quality eggs, collected only 7, of which 1 immature, 2 did not fertilise, and 1 of the 4 D3 embryo is a slow one (only 6 cells instead of 8). I am not expecting much.

Sending hugs, I am sorry you are in a similar position but I keep my finger crossed for you xxx

[Kelz84 in reply to MofM]

I just hate the unknown. I’m having a pamper day today. But I just can’t switch off. What will be will be. Thank you for your message. Good luck for the next process. Wishing you good thoughts and positive thinking xxx

[MofM in reply to Kelz84]

Looking forward for some good news tomorrow!

[AmbK in reply to Kelz84]

That's the coolest answer I've ever found on a forum! It's a real boosted too to fend off the jitters of what will be. TBH I'm scared of what lay ahead as well, the unknown and the insecurities of having to go for donor conception finally if the IVF doesn't work but then a message like this is the best kind of optimism one can have. I wish your positivity bring on a success soon enough... good luck.

[emmab178]

A nice hot bath tonight for you (the last one for a while!). Going to think positive that embies will be waiting for you this time x

[Kelz84 in reply to emmab178]

I had a long soak this morning for about an hour. Wash my hair done and some exfoliating. I’m gonna have a nice hot long bath again tonight. Thank you for your message I appreciate it xx

[magda22]

So tough, isn't it? Your feeling of negativity is normal, it's how we try to prepare for bad news, but it has no baring on what is actually happening. Do your best to distract yourself, and I sometimes take comfort in the knowledge I've done flipping everything I can to influence a positive outcome! I really hope you get good new, and send much love x

[Kelz84 in reply to magda22]

Argh thank you magda22. I really appreciate it xx

[AmbK]

Hi there, sorry to know about your poor results last time from the comments. I know it's only defensive to think of the worst but have optimism nonetheless. So that you're prepared for the worst that can happen and certainly good things don't really need preparing you'll be overjoyed over it. I truly hope it turns out to be your moment of joy. For now, it's good that the egg collection is over and it's good... so you're technically one step closer to success. Wish you luck

[Kelz84 in reply to AmbK]

Argh thank you Ambk. I really appreciate it xx

[Eltel81]

To protect myself, I have had to think of the worse case scenario at every point of this process and keep in mind that nothing is guaranteed. That, however, is the nature of any type of fertility, but it breaks your soul into tiny pieces. At some points along the way though, it must be statistically correct that you will in fact get some good news.

Keep up that protective way of thinking, but know that good things can happen. Keeping this in mind, keeps that tiny spark of hope alive.

Ps..I’m the most impatient person and I have struggled with all of the waiting. While I’m in the process I’m fine and excited, but the 2ww found me so low in mood. So I do appreciate the frustration with waiting but hang on in there.

I wish you all the luck in the world xx

[Hidden]

Good luck Kelz84 xx

[Kelz84]

Hi Eltel81 your reply makes total sense. It seems we are very alike mentally. Thank you for your reply I appreciate it a lot xx