The last couple of weeks ive started to feel down the closer christmas gets it reminds me that this xmas could have been a lot different had i not had the miscarriage i feel stupid for feeling like this when i know there are a lot of people worse off than me and i dont want to feel like this but i just cant be bothered with christmas this yr, my boss said how last xmas one of the girls was pregnant and it was her the yr before and it was just a reminder that it would have been me had things been different and that seemed to set me off ive tried telling myself that this time next i could be pregnant but i just cant snap out of it, has anyone else felt like this? the annoying thing is i was doing great and felt back to my old self after miscarriage until now
Feeling down want to snap out of it - Fertility Network UK
Feeling down want to snap out of it
Hi Lyn,
This time of year with planning etc is so hard. Im so sorry you have been through a miscarriage it’s so tough thinking about the what ifs and how far along you might have been. It’s ok to feel down sometimes - this is a tough journey - but try and plan some nice things for yourself and your husband and with your friends so you have a few things to look forward to. I do find these things help. Be kind to yourself too...xx
Thank you, i have been trying to think of something nice to plan to look forward
Maybe it’s something you used to do that you enjoyed when you first met your partner - before the whole babymaking journey started! I know I feel a bit numbed by this whole journey and struggle sometimes to find things I remember that used to like to do! We have a night away planned in a couple of weeks - so I’m looking forward to not cooking and getting a lie in! Xx
Oh I totally know this feeling, and I’m so sorry you are going through this 😞 the first baby we miscarried was due on the 1st of December last year, so Christmas was pretty miserable, so we had a fake tree (we never do this!) and went to the cinnamon club in Westminster on Christmas Day, frank champagne and ate posh curry!! It didn’t make up for the sadness, but it did take the pressure off of the normal family stuff. Perhaps if you can have some counselling, it has been my lifeline xx
Thank you for your reply glad to know im normal feeling this way Oh god that must have been so hard for you last yr i hope this xmas is better for you! X
Nope sadly not! We miscarried another baby in June, so a bit shit all round! But perhaps next year will be different, we can only hope, but please know you’re not alone xxx
Oh im so sorry😢 looks like a few of us will be dreading xmas this yr 🙁
Hi, whilst I haven't had your experience, I just wanted to say you are not alone in finding Christmas difficult. We have just had our third ICSI which recently failed, and at the time I felt quite numb, but as time goes on I am finding it harder to deal with. I can't imagine the pain of a miscarriage, and just wanted to say that all your feelings are completely valid, and I hope they ease with time. Put yourself first and be kind to yourself, this time of year is always going to be tough. All the best xx
Thank you im so sorry that it hasnt worked for you i hope you are ok and you get through it also x
So sorry to hear you are so down. It really doesn’t help but just to say I feel really similar and my MC was a couple of years ago now. I don’t understand how I am not pregnant and everyone else seems to be, and to compound factors my sister has a six week old baby and is insisting on everyone being at ‘baby’s first christmas’
If you can avoid the ‘notmal’ Christmas and do something different I think that should help you?
Sending you hugs xx
Thank you for your reply oh that will be hard for you hopefully you wont have to stay too long x
I feel exactly the same now! I would have been 18 weeks at Christmas and my birthday is a few days before so I would have been pregnant on my 35th birthday. Now I won’t be and I just feel empty. I want Christmas to be over. How on earth are you supposed to celebrate when you feel so down. We are in it together though. I am sending you love and know that all this is completely natural and it’s not silly to feel this way. That’s what I am trying to tell myself anyway! xx
YES.
Last Christmas I felt like that we had lost our baby in August & I would’ve been 5 months at Christmas. It hurt. My heart was broken. And I was also having my endometriosis flare up & undergoing more referrals for that. I didn’t feel like celebrating Christmas at all & I love Christmas but each Christmas without a baby is so tough, it reminds you what you could have- even worse after a miscarriage of a much wanted baby.
But fast forward a year & 2 more surgeries to treat endometriosis & this Christmas I shall be 4 months pregnant.
This Christmas just be kind to yourselves & if you can make the best of it being the 2 if you knowing one Christmas you will have your family that you dream of. A new year a fresh new start & make 2019 your year 😍 you were incredibly unlucky to lose your baby ,but that doesn’t mean you lose another one. If you can try to take comfort from the fact you did conceive & you will again but with a better outcome. Remind yourselves you are on a journey but you get there. 😘
This Christmas put yourselves first & do whatever feels right for you xoxo
Thank you for your reply we are waiting on some more tests results so im hoping that will put me in a more positive frame of mind before xmas if we get good news
Wishing you the best & hope you get good news soon. And hope next year is kinder to you. You will get your baby 😍 xoxo
I am very very familiar with this feeling. I would have had a baby in May this year had I not had the MC. Several of my friends and some close family happily had their babies in May and everytime I see them even on pictures I get extremely sad. I really thought and was hoping this would be the 1st Xmas with my baby.
I feel even more stupid and selfish thinking this way because now I am 8 weeks pregnant after IVF and I should be only happy and hopeful for this new pregnancy. But I just can't help it, I think the emotions of a 1st pregnancy and then MC are just too strong and the sadness it leaves is enormous. Good luck in your journey XXXX
Thank you for your reply i can imagine that with what you have been through you it makes it hard to enjoy it i can imagine if i am lucky enough to get pregnant again i will find it hard to enjoy it after previously having a miscarriage i hope everything goes ok for you and as you get further along you can start to enjoy it x
I can totally relate to this and you shouldn’t feel stupid for feeling this way. I found out I was pregnant a couple of years ago on the 23rd December, thought it was the best xmas present ever but miscarried a few days later. Fast forward to now....just had my first round of IVF and am in the process of m/c again. Needless to say the thought of all things festive fills me with dread I just want to hide from it all. Know you are not alone xxx
Thank you for your reply oh thats awful its hard enough to go through it at any time of the yr but twice so close to xmas im so sorry 😢
Hi Lyn yesterday I was with my daughter when she brought her baby home from hospital and she said I can’t believe she’s really here mum as she’d been trying for nearly 4 years and in that time had 3 miscarriages so I can appreciate how your feeling but remember my daughter was talking to me this time last year and in tears because she thought it would never happen so try to keep your chin up and hopefully next year you will be saying what she said to me yesterday god bless x
😊
Hey Lyn. I’m sorry to hear your mood hasn’t been great these past few weeks. Christmas is definitely a difficult time of year for us. Please try not to be too hard on yourself. If you’re like me you sort of tell yourself, next Christmas will be different for me and my husband or next year I’ll have a little one to open presents with on Christmas morning... I know it hurts. All the sentimental Christmas TV adverts don’t help either. Just last night I found myself crying my eyes out to the Boots ad where the wee girl buys her mother a lipstick for Christmas!
Sending you a great big hug xx
Thank you for your reply its seing all the little christmas baby outfits and any christmas film with kids in setting me off
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