Feeling down...

[Jhenderson]

Eugh where to start.

My husbands work partner and friend has just had a baby and I just can’t cope with going to visit them.

The other half is putting pressure on me to go and see them. Making me feel guilty and that I should be ashamed.

He tried to shame me into going by threatening to tell the couple that’s just had the baby that I’m struggling with it all because of the miscarriage. This makes me feel angry as I’m managing just fine. I’m just looking after myself by not putting my self in situations where there are triggers to set me off feeling upset and depressed.

I don’t know what to do. The situation has already ruined our Sunday together now.

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Awwww hun.

I'm so sorry your going through this headache, you shouldn't feel pressured hun at all, hubby obviously feels obliged to go as it's his work partner and friend but if you can't go I'm sure he could make a reasonable excuse up, your ill, he could go by himself, he needs to be able to understand that it will open up sore wounds and your not ready to do that. Give it some time then sit him down and let him know how scared you are of this situation and the last thing you want to do is, walk into a, house with a, newborn where your supposed to be celebrating and end up not being able to hold the tears back. It's too much of an emotional experience and you don't know how you Il react but you know it's, not a good thing for you now. It's safer for you to not go. Buy a nice gift and card put a lovely message in and that's your taking part which will be hard but easier than going to visit. I hope you can come to an agreement over this. Sending big hugs 💗🤗😘

[Jhenderson in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thanks for taking he time to reply and reassure me that how I’m feeling is ok and normal. We have a nice card and present here waiting. I’m just hoping the oh will just stop making me feel guilty.

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Jhenderson]

It's not fair he's doing that. He's not realizing where your coming from or how much this will affect you, try to explain later on and see if he gets it, I hope so because it's not fair for you to feel guilty you probably already feel bad that you don't want to go without being made to feel guilty 💗🤗😘

[emu2016]

It sounds to me that your husband is struggling too. I imagine he’s fearful of what it looks like if you don’t both visit and what other people think; forgetting the struggles you’ll feel.

Try and spend some time together and chat about where you both are. This is not an unusual situation to be in; and it’ll be hard for you both.

It’s so hard seeing babies and friends babies and hearing news like that. Sending you big hugs x

[Penders]

Oh hun I'm sorry your feeling like this. My husbands brother and his wife had a baby end of November, I haven't been to visit yet but my husband went on his own when he dropped the Christmas presents off! I knew I wasn't up to going and had told my husband that he would have to go without me! I hope that you are able to make your husband understand your reasons for not being ready to visit xxx

[E_05]

So sorry for how your feeling, you definitely shouldn’t feel pressured or guilty for not going as you say it’s a form of self protection. Maybe your husbands is worried to but feels he has to go and that’s why he wants you there, could you sit down later and talk things through xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

It’s ok to be struggling, your husband might be right to say this is linked back to your miscarriage, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s normal to want to protect yourself after something bad like miscarriage happens.

UHe may feel it’s the only reasonable thing to say to his friend and personally I would let him say that and let him go and visit by himself. I’m sure the friends will understand if he gives an explanation but if he doesn’t give an explanation he will feel rude, so maybe you could both come up with an explanation of your absence that you are both happy with?

At the end of the day, the couple with the new baby will welcome any support either of you can give, as I imagine it’s a pretty hard time for them as well. If your husband feels up to visiting alone then he should do.

[Suze34]

You need to do what you feel is right for you. I regularly miss events my friends have if it's too baby oriented as I come home feeling so down it can take me a week to get over a supposedly fun event. You have to protect yourself from upset wherever possible. Your husband may find this difficult but surely your overall wellbeing is the most important thing. Try not to worry x