Anyone else struggling with all the school photos?

[Nic_o_la_la]

I’m sure Facebook and Insta are just around to taunt me these days! They seem full of everyone’s happy news and baby pictures 🥺 I’m usually ready for the first day of term photos and try and avoid social media then but is it just me…I really don’t remember first and last day of term comparison photos being a thing? This last couple of days I’ve seen SO many pop up and it’s just getting harder to go online at the moment. I want to be happy for people but it’s like a constant reminder my body is failing me because I haven’t got what they’ve got xx

[Maisie234]

Hi, I totally get that. One day I thought to myself, why am I making myself sad all the time looking at this stuff, so I just unfollowed the majority of my parent friends and I was pretty harsh with it. I read the book, the art of not giving a f**k and not going to lie, I've been much happier. I follow them again when I do get pregnant, but right now, they can live without my 'like'. Xx

[smarties85 in reply to Maisie234]

I read that too!we only have so many F’s to give!!x

[Maisie234 in reply to smarties85]

It's wierd how we put everyone else's feelings first and were dying inside. Even still we put ourselves through it. The people who don't give a hoot are the ones who are sane 😃

[smarties85 in reply to Maisie234]

It is!I think k you have protect yourself and stay true to who you are if that makes sense?it wouldn’t be me to be completely uncaring as I am that sort of person but it’s finding the balance isn’t it?!do you don’t feel hurt.a colleague wanted to speak to me everyday about her pregnancy and I was honest and said I couldn’t be that person to her and she’s never been friendly since, but I know I had to look after my feelings and if she was a friend she’d get that.it’S interesting who respects your boundaries and who doesn’t xx

[Maisie234 in reply to smarties85]

I have the same issue, friends want to tell me everything about their pregnancy, but I just said I wasn't coping right now and thankfully they were ok. To be honest, they have plenty people they can talk to without you. X

[Nic_o_la_la in reply to Maisie234]

Oooh I’ve actually had this book for a couple of years and never read it. I might crack it out now so I can boss this next round and look out for me! I’m definitely one to try and put others before myself, at times leaving me feeling wounded so maybe this’ll give me some strength to give myself some more credit xx

[Maisie234 in reply to Nic_o_la_la]

It was a bit of a game changer, i was raving about it for a while afterwards. Good luck 😃 x

[MakingbabyN]

I feel you! Social media is a tricky place to be during infertility. I deactivated all my accounts on the day of my first egg collection in January and told myself I wouldn’t be back until I was pregnant. Here I am 7 months later still not on social media 😂😂 I did immediately have a sense of calm knowing I only had to think about myself and not watch the endless pregnancy announcements. I do hope I’ll be back on social media in the next couple of months to reconnect with people now that I’m feeling in a better place mentally.

Disconnecting for a short while can be really helpful. Thinking of you xx

[Nic_o_la_la in reply to MakingbabyN]

Ahh I think I should have done this! I gave social media up for lent this year and it was so good. Not only saving myself the hurt of looking at this stuff but also not wasting hours of my day just endlessly scrolling. And saving money cos I’m so easily ‘influenced’ 🤣 I might have another break actually. Hope things are going ok with this cycle?xx

[MakingbabyN in reply to Nic_o_la_la]

Yesss do it, you won’t regret, but you might miss a few people’s birthdays 😂😂

Things are going ok thanks so far. It was all a bit stressful because my husband tested positive late last week on the final days of stims. Fortunately we were able to go ahead with EC but we had to use an old back up sample he had in the freezer instead of his fresh sample. Frustrating as he had managed to improve the quality by 20% with supplements 🤦🏼‍♀️ Waiting on our day 3 call today then aiming for transfer on Sunday 🤞🏻🤞🏻 This will be our third transfer so struggling to be positive this time around but we shall see.

What stage are you at now? xxxx

[smarties85]

100% I’m not into kids being plastered all over it anyway,but particularly hard when you are feeling the absence I agree xxx

[MammaMia86]

it is very hard...for me the problem sometimes is even seeing my friends because they don't talk about anything else. whoever is pregnant is asking questions about pregnancy, whoever has a baby is asking about that and the same with toddlers. If I am just with one of them we can talk about more things, but if I am with more than one, I might spent all afternoon quiet and I end up leaving without anything to say.

I even went on a girls weekend and it was all they could talk about

I love to play with my friends kids, because they don't judge you or ask you questions that you don't want to answer...so if they are around I just spend the time with them and I end up avoiding my friends.

I love them and they mean no harm but I end up leaving feeling a bit shitty.

You are not alone in those feelings... looking at those pictures and thinking why them and not me?! or finding out that someone that you might think was not the best person in the world and now is having a kid....and thinking that it is not fair.

we understand your feelings!!! we are you! we know and we share your feelings

😘😘😘😘

[Nic_o_la_la in reply to MammaMia86]

Yes! This! It is so tough isn’t it. Someone I follow on Insta was saying about the impact on friendships of infertility and it’s so true. In my late 30s and we’ve been through the marriage era. We’re on the children one, lots have 2 now and I’m still waiting. Like you say, everything becomes baby/child talk and it’s just so isolating when you can’t participate and can feel myself withdrawing. We’ll get there. Gotta keep the hope it’ll be us one day 🙌🏼 Just wasn’t expecting all these school pics this week!xx

[AuroraXen]

Oh, massively annoying 😂 I feel you. Also, honestly, I usually can't even tell which are the before and which are the after photos, as it's about 10 months max which for many kids doesn't make much of a difference 🤷 But they're everywhere. Maybe if I had my own child I'd do the same, who knows. But 100%, it's hard. My best friend (and actually pretty much my very last 'other friend who is childless') told me recently she's nearly 5 months pregnant (we live in different countries) and I'm really struggling. I hate what this bo***cks (hate calling it a 'journey'... suggests one will actually get somewhere, which statistically just won't be the case for all of us, sadly) does to me, making it hard to be 100% happy for someone I love xx

[Nic_o_la_la in reply to AuroraXen]

Haha yeah I thought the same for some - can barely tell them apart. But good point, if / when I get to be a parent maybe I’ll be posting stuff online that others won’t care about but as it’s my child I’ll think it’s amazing! 😃

I get you. My friend just announced hers to me too. The day I posted I think actually. Realised after I didn’t even say congratulations 😳 It doesn’t get any easier the more announcements you go through at all does it. I wish I could genuinely care when I ask questions and pass comment on pregnancies/babies but so often these days it’s just token cos I know I should. I hate that about this crap too. Take care of yourself. We’ll get there xx