New and looking for support - Fertility Network UK

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New and looking for support

Jigsawqueen profile image

Hi all, I am totally new here and was recommended to find a support group by my GP who I spent 20 minutes crying to yesterday.

We have been trying for the last 2 years nearly, I'm now 34 and other half is 38, almost.

All his tests have come back in normal range. I have had the same blood tests 3 times and every time has come back very low progesterone, they want me to repeat the blood tests one more time before looking at next steps.

I have had my scan thing, really quite painful, and my tubes seem fine.

I am really struggling now tho, I feel sad and have been crying a lot lately.

I am a senior family support worker, and am struggling to be in work without feeling really sad and quite angry at the unfairness that some people have children and don't look after them right, and we are really struggling to have our own

33 Replies

I think we have all been there. It’s really hard not being able to easily conceive, especially when you work with children. A supportive group is certainly what this is, welcome! However, many of us have also benefitted from individual counselling. I wonder if your GP would be willing to refer you for counselling as well?

Thank you, your reply was really fast!

My GP has put a referral in for counselling, but the waiting lists in my area are long so I could be waiting a while.

Just the thought of being in work, especially if some of the families in my case load, is making me really sad. I have take a couple of sick days to speak with my GP and see what support i can find, but will be going back in to work tomorrow to face it all

I’m really glad you’ve also been referred for counselling.

I am an infant teacher and I found that reciting mantras to myself helped me. I used to say to myself “I don’t want their family, I want my own”, “other people going through this too wouldn’t make it easier for me- I don’t wish infertility on anyone else” and “there WILL be children at the end of this”. Saying it enough helped me to keep my mindset positive.

The other thing that helped was having a plan. This is hard for you at the moment as you’re still going through investigations, but I made my partner talk through things like were we willing to pay for fertility treatment, would we use donors, would we adopt etc really early on. He wanted to take things one step at a time but I needed to know what options I might be looking at in the future so I could research them. This depends on your personality but it helped me.

Thank you for this, I honestly thought i was going mad feeling the way I have about some of the families i work with!

I like the idea of a mantra, I might well give that a go.

My other half is really bad with emotional stuff but a logical plan just might work for him...

Sorry to hear of your struggles, you are in the right place!

Tho our diagnosis’s maybe differ we are all familiar with the emotional pain infertility causes.

I assume you have been referred to a fertility specialist?

If not push for a referral from your GP.

I’m not medical but it sounds if your progesterone levels are low you may not be ovulating. Sounds like everything else is fine, so maybe some ovulation medication such as clomid might help you? Only a fertility doctor can prescribe that, that’s why it is important that you are under a fertility clinic. You can take it up to 6 months & if it’s not successful ( not saying it wouldn’t be) other options such as IVF will be discussed with you.

It took us nearly 6 years of TTC toget a diagnosis- I have endometriosis ( it was previously was “ unexplained infertility “ which we struggled with more) I had a chemical pregnancy after it was intially treated, since the loss I’ve had another surgeries to treat the endo ( last one by an endo surgeon) I’m 7 weeks pregnant following my last surgery & a round of clomid ✨ This is after 7 years & 1 month of TTC! I’m here to say it can HAPPEN!!! And never give up 😘 It was a very difficult journey but was definitely worth fighting for. Friends & family wondered how we kept going but we were determined to have our baby. This site was a lifeline for me it was lovely to have others understand this properly instead being told “relax and it will happen!!” By well meaning friends & family 🙄( and this site still is early pregnancy is nerve racking!) I like to come on to support others & tell them it can happen 😘

Wishing you the best with your journey xoxo 😘

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to

Thank you so much, and it's amazing to hear that there is hope, when it feels so hopeless sometimes!

Congratulations and I hope all goes well for you xxx

Big hugs. I know how you feel, I was a children and families social worker for the first three years of ttc. It was a nightmare. Clients would accuse me of not knowing anything because I didn’t have children of my own. In the end I had to find another job. I’m not suggesting that you need a new job, but look at what’s out there, I’m sure there are options. I work with offenders now, it’s far easier! (Nobody minds that I’m not a convicted criminal!)

If you have hormonal issues have you looked into Chinese medicine / acupuncture? Not sure how it works but lots of people seem to have success with Hormonal balance with traditional eastern medicine

Best of luck on your journey x x

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to MrsTina

That made me smile! I'm sure they are glad you are not an ex offender yourself, haha

It is really frustrating and upsetting when the, you haven't got kids so you don't know, thing comes out, and getting harder to keep my cool when it does.

I am looking in to other jobs, but I am managing just about so want to make sure it's the right move for me xx

MrsTina profile image
MrsTina in reply to Jigsawqueen

One of the best responses I’ve heard is in relation to doctors. ie. if you had cancer you wouldn’t insist on being treated by a doctor that also has cancer so why do you need a worker that’s also a parent? But usually it’s best not to argue, I’d usually say “we’re not here to talk about me” but I know exactly what you mean it just gets harder. Good luck with the job search! I’m sure you have hundreds of transferable skills that you didn’t even know you had!

I’m at a similar junction to you, I’m 34

nearly 35 and been TTC just over 2 years. I have suspected low progesterone (not diagnosed by doctors, but acupuncturist is positive that’s what it is and from what I’ve read about it). I have also cried A LOT and on unsuspecting doctors.

Don’t loose hope! It’s really hard but use this time to better everything you can - improve your physical and mental health through yoga and meditation - look at your diet if you haven’t already.

I would recommend acupuncture and counselling. I’ve been getting acupuncture for 10 weeks - so 2 full cycles - and I’ve noticed a difference which I’m sure is progesterone increasing in the TWW (breasts sore and enlarged, bloated tummy etc).

Also, have you tried ‘seed rotation’ to help increase progesterone? (I was told that it’s actually ‘estrogen dominance’ so it’s about lowering estrogen AND increasing progesterone at same time). For the follicular phase you eat a table spoon full of brown flax seed and Pumkin seeds every day. For the luteal phase it’s sesame and sunflower seeds.

I feel incredibly sad too, I had a total meltdown at the weekend. But you’re in the right place for support and understanding. xx

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to Arya10

Thank you so much h for sharing with me, sounds like we are in a similar place.

I have been referred to counselling but I'm on a long waiting list! My manager is going to do an occi health referral to see if I can access anything through work so fingers crossed.

I honestly never thought of acupuncture, I will look in to it though thank you.

I used to do yoga everyday but I have an issue with my kneecap not tracking right that has got worse meaning that even the gentle stretching can be painful, that's another thing the hospital is looking in to!

I spent the whole weekend in meltdown and only left the house once when my partner dragged me out to the cinema!

I hope you are feeling a little better today xxx

Arya10 profile image
Arya10 in reply to Jigsawqueen

Not sure what your finance situation is like but I had to go private for counselling - the waiting list where I am was 18 months, then they only offered CBT but I needed more than that. There are lots of charities and schemes out there that reduce the cost - I pay half price for my counselling. My GP gave me a list of reduced cost counselling in my area.

similar regarding your knee (this comes from a place of experience with injuries and pain), don’t wait for GP or hospital, it’s great they’ll look into it but see if there’s anything you can do whilst you wait - massage, reiki (this will also help how you’re feeling - most chronic pain is ‘stuck’ emotions and tension and reiki will release this), acupuncture (find a fertility specialist but also tell them about your knee, they can do lots at once!), possibly a gentle yoga or Pilates class - I know there will be things that you can’t do in the class but the teacher can make adjustments and maybe even help figure out what’s going on.

Yoga with Adriene on You Tube is fab too, she’ll most likely have a class for knee pain.

Thanks - I’m feeling ok today, AF is due in the next couple days so trying to distract myself. I’m worried after my meltdown (similar to you DH had to drag me out) that I won’t cope well with a BFN. xx

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to Arya10

I'm glad you are feeling ok today, it's better than not.

I will check out the you tube yoga and give it a try, thank you for the suggestion

I will definitely be looking in to acupuncture as a few people have suggested it now. Again thank you so much for your understanding xxx

Hi Jigsawqueen

I've been actively ttc for over 2 years and I was constantly getting sent home with "keep trying" and "relax it will happen" speeches from my GP. Finally, I put my foot down and refused to leave until I was referred and after investigations I was told I have PCOS, low reserve and possibly Endo. I was devastated, and now have more tests to do and told my only chance to conceive is IVF so we are looking into what our options are with that. At nearly 37 I personally just feel like I am constantly one step forward, ten steps back never mind two, and like you I just feel it's so unfair.

However, I agree with Arya10, I looked into what I could do to help so I've thrown myself into eating healthy, taking natural supplements to improve egg quality, keeping fit, being mindful etc and it is not only good for you generally but I find it keeps me motivated and in a positive mind frame rather than worrying about what's ahead. I have acupuncture, it has really helped me to relax and the lady who does it is also a midwife so specialises in acupuncture for fertility, it's brilliant. She listens to me and understands that when you're struggling to conceive its hard to switch off and that's where she comes in, to help you relax and of course channel your body's energy to the right places.

In short, you're not alone, try to stay positive and when those sh*tty days attack, come on here and let it all out x

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to 3005

Thank you so much! I have hit such a slump,but you are all right there are positive things to focus on. I will have to loose weight to do IVF if it comes to that so healthy eating and excessive it is. Xxx

Hi there, so glad you sought out this forum. It has been an amazing source of support for me personally, hoping you have the same experience. It helps to know what you’re feeling is shared by so many others and to know you’re not alone.

I know how the effect this can have on your emotions and your mental well being. It’s good to read your GP has referred you for counselling. Our fertility clinic used a counselling service that you could avail of before/during/after treatment. It meant no waiting times for GP referred counselling as the wait in our area for this is months. If you’re with a fertility clinic they may be able to find you similar support in your area.

I’m sure the nature of your work makes it very difficult for you. Could occupational health in your work place be a source of support for you?

Sending you a big hug xxx

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to Dunla

Thank you. I have spoken with my manager and she is going to refer me to occi health to see if there is any support they can offer xxx

Hello! I’m sorry to hear about your low progesterone, you know what I’m doing acupuncture with a lovely lady and she gave me some diet in order to increase my progesterone and my oestrogen levels. Would you like me to send it to you?

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to Den16

That would be lovely if you can. Could you email it?

lsmith01@hotmail.co.uk

Den16 profile image
Den16 in reply to Jigsawqueen

Just sent it to you, hope it helps x

Hi Jigsawqueen. What you are feeling is totally normal. I am a social worker with adults and my husband is a social worker with children so I totally feel your pain. The worst part of the process for me was when we knew there was a problem but we had no plan. I ended up pretty low and crying at work and decided that I had to take some time off. I was off sick for about 6 weeks as really did not feel emotionally strong enough to do my job. I have to say the time to focus on myself and work though my emotions really helped. Work were really understanding of my situation and I was offered counselling through them with no waiting list. I felt so guilty for having the time off but I know now it was the right thing.

Once we had a plan I knew we were going to do IVF I started to feel a lot better and I am able to deal with things so much better now. Take care of yourself xx

Thank you for sharing this with me. I am going to try and go back in to work tomorrow but just the couple of days I have take have helped me to at least look for and start on the track of getting support, so it has been worth it.

I'm so happy that your plan is helping and hope to figure my own out in time xxx

Hi, i dont know if i can say anything different to what others havent already said but cry it out as much as you can, then breath and with your dictor start to look at options and what they can do for you.

We all felt like why me?! But unfortunatly we are the ME so get up and go fight for what you really want xxx

Oh i work in a nursery you can imagine my pain every single day....

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to Kazz777

Working on a nursery sounds tough without the additional stress!!

Thank you for the pep talk, I will be knocking the dust off for a while but I am a fighter so.I will get there xxx

Kazz777 profile image
Kazz777 in reply to Jigsawqueen

Go girl!

I hope you get given a plan soon. It’s so hard when you don’t know what’s going on and where things might lead. Have they given you any suggestions about your progesterone?

Working in certain jobs don’t help. I work with families and it’s hard to not feel envious of their kids and their ability to get pregnant so easily but i know all of our times will come one day!

You’ve come to the right place as well. There’s lots of support here. Xx

Thank you, the only suggestion i have had from the GP is weight loss and folic acid... Oh and the usual just relax and stop stressing.

I have been taking folic acid for the last few months and have signed up to weight way hers to help with the weight loss.

If you have any tips I will be happy to hear them xxx

Hi, you have had loads of helpful advice from others but just wanted to say I know how you feel. I have been going through very similar at 41, and just completed my first IVF cycle (unfortunately not worked), I was crying and crying last night, couldn't eat, couldn't leave the house etc. Today I have been EVIL (and not just today I mean it comes and goes intermittently every time my period arrives basically) where I just can't deal with pregnant women or women with babies. I just resent them so much and am irrationally upset and angry about it.

Anyway long story short I have realised I am much better when I feel in control. So I have decided to make a plan, and give myself stuff to do. Agree acupuncture is great idea I have been having it and if nothing else its 15 mins out of your week where you think about NOTHING. I have been doing mindfulness apps whenever I can. Am researching diet etc as we speak, and already feel better that I am NOT defeated and CAN at least try and do something proactive.

My OH is the same. He says he is gutted about failed IVF but throughout the last 3 years he has just been very 'it will happen' and 'we can try again' and it hasn't helped me at all. I too am now looking at counselling so that I can compliment his logical approach with some emotional stabilisers from someone else less involved.

Anyway sorry for the rambling I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel and good luck xx

Thank you for the rambling! I am definitely feeling a little better after reading so much inspirational and positive replys and I'm starting to think about a plan.

I have signed up to weight watchers, and am planning to start swimming in my Thursday's off work for a bit of me time, but will spend some time this Thursday looking for a someone local to talk to.about acupuncture...

That actually does sound like the start of a plan! Xx

Welcome for a start this group is a fab place to share your thoughts, feelings and worries. We all need someone. As part of our ivf there is counseling available to us. I just assumed it came with the treatment as it were, and we are free to speak with them through an appointment, any time. The whole journey thing is hard and emotional! We are always here. Just take a minute and breath! Hope you feel a bit better tonight xxx

Jigsawqueen profile image
Jigsawqueen in reply to Sweets1

Thank you. I have been back to work today but mostly hid and did paperwork! Xxx

I totally understand how your feeling and I’m sure along with myself loads of us have been feeling the same! Here is a very good place, and everyone is so supportive! My like has been suggested, counselling is a really good thing to try, we found it helped, my husband and I! It is really hard when you work with children! Good luck, and we are all always here xx

Stay strong is all i can say. Any form of fertility recieved will not be easy but just take one day at a time. Thinking of you 💖

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