Newbie looking for support & advice!

[Libsie3103]

Hi, I’m new to this site and it’s the first time I’ve posted. However, I’ve followed some posts and have seen what a caring & supportive community it is which I guess is what I need to be part of right now.

I’m finding this whole thing scary, confusing and lonely. I know many of you will understand and identify with that.

My OH and I have been TTC since February last year (I’m 40 and he’s 45), which I know isn’t long but for us it feels like a lifetime. He has 2 boys from his previous marriage who are about to turn 5 & 7. I’ve not had any kids or been pregnant before.

When we started TTC we used OPK and there was a question mark over whether or not I was ovulating. My GP did the day 21 test and it was inconclusive (it was 26.5 and to be conclusive it has to be 30 apparently) however this could have been for a number of reasons.

My cycles always used to be as regular as clockwork at 28 days but now they average 26 and are much lighter only 1 – 2 days which concerns me.

My GP put me on Clomid and I’ve just started my 6th cycle of it today (I switched to Clearblue OPK when I started it and it has confirmed I am ovulating) but this is my last cycle on it and it’s been unmonitored to date. She also referred us for tests / investigation but after the appointment was confirmed it was cancelled – the reason the hospital gave was that I was 40 and their cut off was 39. I spoke to the original GP who was no help and then got a 2nd opinion from another GP who I trust. She said that the NHS won’t investigate as we don’t qualify for IVF as my OH has 2 children. I can understand us not qualifying for IVF but I can’t understand why they won’t test us to see if there are any underlying issues??

I know it can take time, my concern is giving it loads of time and then discovering there is an underlying issue why we’re not conceiving which we could have dealt with before. I hope that makes sense.

We’ve been to one IVF open evening which was helpful but I found overwhelming. We had booked to have fertility tests at another clinic this Friday (my OH is a teacher and so getting time off for an appointment is a real challenge). Yesterday, as well as my period starting, the clinic cancelled the appointment (they’re too busy to fit us in) and I hit what I think is the lowest point in this journey so far. I feel totally lost and helpless and don’t know what to do… I’d really appreciate any advice, reassurance, support as I said before it feels really lonely. My OH is great and really supportive but this consumes every waking minute for me and I’m not sure he understands that.

I’ve started acupuncture and had 3 sessions and I’m on Pregnacare supplements. If there are any others people would recommend I tried please shout ;-)!

[Sarah_S]

Hi Libsie, so rubbish of your clinic to cancel. Is there an alternative clinic near you? Quite a few do evening and weekend appointments as they are used to working around people with full time jobs. The panicky feeling that time is not on your side and you need to get going and have the tests in order to move on is something I went through. Even if you pursue with the NHS and they do agree to do some tests (I don't know their criteria for this), they still take an agonisingly long time for referrals/tests/results. I would say, bite the bullet and go privately for the tests asap (sounds like you have decided this anyway), and ring another clinic if necessary. Take one step at a time, don't look at the IVF information yet if it overwhelms you, as you don't need to know all those details at this stage. You just need to know asap if there are any issues which need to be addressed first, so focus on that to start with. Best of luck x

[Libsie3103 in reply to Sarah_S]

Thanks Sarah! The clinic have said they're too busy, gave us the option to go in at 0930 but my OH can't take time off which is why I'd booked an afternoon appointment months ago. The other clinics I've contacted also only do Mon - Fri in working hours and they have to be on specific days of my cycle which is harder to predict and therefore more challenging for my OH. So we're looking at tests in late December and so are now trying to decide if we wait until January rather than have news this side of Christmas. We have definitely decided to go privately for the tests, I think knowing what we're dealing with (or not if they're all clear) will help. Thank you for your reassurance, I'd hoped we'd know more this week in terms of what we're dealing with but waiting longer is prolonging the agony and my brain is going into overdrive... xx

[Sarah_S in reply to Libsie3103]

Sorry if this is not helpful, but for the tests which are dependent on your cycle could you take a friend or relative instead, and do the rest at a convenient time for your husband?

[Libsie3103 in reply to Sarah_S]

I'd thought about that as well 😉. The issue is he's being tested as well & we get the results the same day. Not unhelpful at all! Thanks Sarah x

[Yammie1973]

HI

I'm 44. I am about to start my 2nd egg collection via a private clinic. My DH and I were fobbed off for 5 long years saying that we were too old and eventually told us 'unexplained infertility' and told to go home and keep trying. So we had no choice but to go private which we did in February this year. We had a barrage of tests done and found that hubby's swimmers were immobile and I have a fibroid which were contributing factors to us not conceiving. My tubes were fine, my ovaries were fine and my AMH levels were that of a woman ten years younger. After our first egg collection, I was told that my egg quality, like so many women our age was weak. I was told to take pregnacare, coQ10 and DHEA. NOT all clinics support DHEA which is not available in this country so you have to source overseas. We have done acupuncture in the last round, and if nothing else helped to calm me down.

You are definitely not alone, we are all on the same journey, just at different stages and we are all here to support each other. Wishing you success in every way possible.

[Libsie3103 in reply to Yammie1973]

Thanks Yammie, really appreciate your support and sharing your story. I'll look into those supplements. I've found the same re acupuncture, if nothing else it definitely helps me to calm down and relax. I'd just like to know what, if anything we're dealing with, and can then decide what we do (and how!!). Wishing you luck with your journey xx

[Datak]

Hi Libsie, as a fellow teacher I understand your husbands position but can I suggest that he considers taking the time as 'hospital appointments', you really have to prioritise your fertility journey at this point (I know easier said than done as counter to education culture) and most schools will be surprisingly supportive. If they require evidence you can get vague stuff from your gp/consultant or you can tell one person in confidence but putting yourself front appointments rend centre for a bit is ok. Really good luck xxxxxx

[Libsie3103 in reply to Datak]

Thanks Datak I totally agree re prioritising it, it's good / reassuring to know that most schools are supportive. I'll encourage him to push a bit harder and see where we get to. The clinic is 1hr 40 mins away which adds to the time of the appointment, if it was local it would be easier. Thank you though! x