Sad day for us.....

So my OTD has arrived and unfortunately it's a sad day for us. We are going to take time to come to terms with it, but I'm already wanting to focus on donor eggs. If anyone can share any info for us, we'd really appreciate it. We went to the fertility show in November but it seems a lifetime ago.

Plus I have suspected untreated hydrosalpinx on my tube. Am I entitled for this to be diagnosed and treated under the NHS. ( under my HSG I fainted and they never retested, I did have a follow up laparoscopy, and post operation was to they may need to re operate, but then I had a cancer scar on a hard tumour that was removed- luckily diagnosed a benign a week later, and my hydrolsapinx seemed to have been forgotten) I did mention it prior to starting IVF to a nurse, but she mentioned it would all be ok. Now I've failed and only entitled to one round, I'm questioning whether my body was actually ready to administer IVF because of the hydrosalpinx. I've emailed me clinic this morning. And moving forward, I don't want the same risk happening. Sorry for essay. I just feel very very sad today. 6 years TTC, ended at 4am this morning waiting for a plus sign in my bathroom. Totally bewildered. Totally numb. Can't stop crying. My poor husband too. Feel like such a complete failure, again. Sorry for essay. And sending big loves out there to all on your journey. We'll bounce back, we always do. XXXXXXXX

[Hidden]

Oh Ali, My dear friend im so so sorry for you both. Im literally in tears for you and so lost for words i was really hoping it to work for the 3 of us. You both have a good cry, cry a river if need be and take your time to grieve my lovely before thinking of any thin else right now. I'm so so sad for you my heart goes out to you both your in our thoughts. Sending you lots of love and BIG HUGS for you right now. Thinking of you XXXXXXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you my lovely. Please don't be upset though, you've got to take super good care of yourself and bean. Besides I'm crying enough for everyone right now ( half smile). Thank you for your message. My hospitals booked me in for meeting with the consultant on the 16th January. Just want AF to come and go as quickly as possible now. Very sad. Perhaps 2015 will be our year- you never know XXXX Sending lots of love to you too XXXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I can't help my self being so upset for you. You really don't deserve this my lovely you came so far aswell. Oh i do hope 2015 will be your year for you. Im sending you the Angel thats watching over me and my hubby right now to watch over You and yours and bring you all the hope and luck in the world for 2015 to be your year. Lots of Love and Hugs for you right now thou. XXXXXXX

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. Not the news I was hoping to hear, but I was pleased to hear that you might be considering trying with donated eggs next time round. I have many families that have been created from wonderful egg donations after much heartache. As ”inhopeforababy” says, you both need to be gentle with yourselves just now and build up for the New Year. On a medical note, I feel you need to look into the hydrosalpinx a little more before proceeding with further treatment, as many consultants now feel that excess lubrication in these tubes can build up and drain out the only way they can, through the womb, possibly hindering implantation. Hopefully you should be able to get it sorted under the NHS as it is a diagnosed condition. Take care of yourselves, and let’s hope that next year will definitely be your year! Diane

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Oh hunni I'm really sorry to hear your news.. I hope in time it feels less raw and they you can move on.. I don't blame you not wanting to give up your baby dreams id be exactly the same..I think there's more to being a parent than a bit of egg or sperm.. If you do both decide that's an option for you then the clinic will provide you with lots of counseling to make you aware of all the legalities etc and to be sure that's wot you both wanna do.. It is a big decision to make.. I'm awaiting to do an egg sharing ivf cycle and before they did my screening blood tests my hubby and i had to attend a counseling session on egg sharing and all the possible implications of going ahead with it.. It was very long and in depth but I'm glad coz I needed to be aware of it all before making that kind of big decision... For me I think it's amazing that I could help another woman achieve her baby dreams as well as my own it is a very personal thing I also think you should get the hydrosalpinx looked prior any other ivf treatment as it may hinder your chances.. Plus getting that sorted out will give you time to come to terms with this loss I can't even imagine how difficult it must be.. Maybe consider counseling as well to help you both with your loss.. I am wishing you the very best with everything I'm hoping 2015 will be a better year for you both Take care of yourselves I hope you feel better in time.. Sending you a big hug X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Jess & Diane. I emailed my ACU yesterday and booked my evaluation. I also gave them a list of my questions, so they can pre prepare. What your doing Jess is amazing, but I totally understand it's a huge decision. I read because of the disclosure laws in the uk, the number of donors has significantly reduced. That's such a shame. I feel a lot better today. The initial shock has passed and at least for a while I can bring some normality back to our lives, which I'm looking forward to. Plus we bought a house a month ago and there's plenty of work to do to keep me occupied. Merry Christmas lovely ladies. Take Care XXXXX

[mierran]

I have 4 year old twins and am 30w pregnant all thanks to two lovely egg donors.

I would get your tubes sorted first as evidence is that a hydrosalphynx can reduce success rates by over 50%

It is then worth looking into whether you wish an identity release donor so treatment in the uk. A lot of clinics have v short waiting times.

The other option is treatment abroad. Donors are anonymous which has implications for your children later on but for me was the right choice.

it is also worth making sure your husband has a healthy diet, no smoking, takes wellman conception vitamins for 3 months plus if you are intending on using own sperm, as half the dna will come from him.

I dealt with my negatives by planning the next cycle. For some it takes time to grieve the loss of own egg. And do take up any councilling at your clinic. But it is worth looking around. Often local clinics can have long waits whereas eg care and london womans clinic don't have much. And if going abroad do it yourself rather than through a clinics monitoring program at their linked clinic.

Sorry for your bfn but don't give up on your dream.

x x

[Hope23]

So sorry to read your post. What a massive turmoil we have to put ourselves through. I hope you are feeling a little more positive about your next steps. Just think. .. you do have another option now, you were right to try with your own eggs first, otherwise you would never have known. I know I've responded to you before about donor eggs and my experience with the wonderful clinic in Barcelona. But if I can help in anyway please just p.m me. My first did work, and even though I only got to just over 6 weeks, the clinic said it's very promising that I actually got a positive test on the first attempt, as many ladies don't. So I'm holding on to this positivity now and looking forward to next Feb when I will have a frozen transfer

I have a little worry at the moment about a blocked tube, which unfortunately I only remembered about recently after getting out all my paperwork from the laps. I was concentrating so much on the big op in march this year dealing with the endometriosis / adenomyosis issues, that the blocked tube kind of got overlooked. My initial diagnostic lap paperwork mentioned it but not the big lap paperwork. So of course I am now freaking out that maybe this made me miscarriage. Talking about it with my clinic anyway. But definitely need to address it before the next attempt

Anyway, please take care and go easy on yourselves. You've been through a lot. Try and have a relaxing, peaceful christmas and try to be upbeat about your plan b!

All the best. Xx

[Hope23]

Just wanted to say I'm sorry if my post came across as unsympathetic when I said the clinic thought it promising when I got a positive, for the first time.... I know this may have hurt yr feelings because of what happened to you. It wasn't meant to be unsympathetic at all, only to highlight the fact the Ivf using a donor egg can work and I wanted to be positive with you, knowing that you were thinking of now going down this route. I post things very quickly sometimes, and it's only afterwards I sometimes think, jeez I hope it wasn't taken the wrong way! I hope yr both feeling a little better after yr sad and upsetting day a few days ago.

Take care xx

[Katied84]

So sorry to hear your news!! Life is so unfair sometimes! Big hugs to u xx