Just a crap day!: I know we all have... - Fertility Network UK

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Just a crap day!

Sweets1 profile image
17 Replies

I know we all have them and I feel guilty in a way for posting but I'm just having one of those days where I think everything is shit in the world of fertility ! Im still not sure what my options are as I'm waiting on test but I feel so bitter and hateful that I can't have a child naturally with my partner, we have so much to look forward to but I just can't help feeling I'm missing out, i smile through gritted teeth when friends tell me they are pregnant and I don't mean it in a nasty way , I'm pleased for them but soooo long for it to be me, , it hurts so bad thinking how long things might take for us and if it will ever be, I just want it for me too. I know this is a start of a long journey . Why can't life just be simple. I have our wedding to look forward too but I just can't shift this nagging thing, bowing that everyone will ask about kids when we are married!

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Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1
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17 Replies
ShellyC profile image
ShellyC

I probably can't help you feel any better but want you to know that I (and probably most other people on here!) have these feelings too. You are not alone! Infertility is absolutely cruel and heartbreaking. But living through it means we are strong. Focus on your wedding, it will be amazing! I would do anything to live my wedding day over again xx

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to ShellyC

Thank you and your right all I have is going towards the wedding right now, I can't wait really, it's my dream come true!! Thanks. Xxx

NsKaz profile image
NsKaz

Oh lovely. We all have those days. Don't feel guilty at all. I think everything that you've said we've all said or felt! It's such a horrible time with no certainties along the way. I wish I could say something to make you feel better! We're over 2 years into our journey and it's been full of ups and downs. Some days you feel like u can cope and other days you just want to scream and cry and curl up! I would just say allow yourself to feel what you need to feel but try not to stay with it for too long. Don't be too hard on yourself - fertility struggles are bloody hard enough without beating yourself up for feeling jealous / angry / sad etc.

I've only recently signed up to this forum but I've already found it so helpful. Everyone is so lovely on here. Know that you are not alone. Xx sending u love and hugs xx (message me anytime you want to rant!)

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to NsKaz

It's crap now but I'm sure the next few days will get easier again! You are right everyone is lovely and helpful and I see im not alone, sometimes a vent is what you need! Thank you, same to you I'm here anytime , good luck to you too xxx

Lou9 profile image
Lou9

Don't feel guilty - you have no reason to whatsoever, if you can't vent here then where can you! Infertility is so difficult and all consuming and you are more than entitled to feel upset and frustrated. Enjoy planning your big day, I'm sure it will be wonderful! Take care. X

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to Lou9

Thank you, I just feel better already in some way just for putting it in words! My wedding is something I can't wait for and as my mum says let's just cross 1 bridge at a time! And she's right! Life can deal some hard blows, it's how we deal with them that makes us stronger , thanks xx

NsKaz profile image
NsKaz

Yes so exciting! Hope you have an amazing day xxx

kelsbels88 profile image
kelsbels88

Awww this is natural..

I think as the others said we all go through it...

just today I did it, I said to my OH "I'm done it's not going to happen let's have the holiday we wanted let's buy the car with 3drs not 5drs" It sounds silly and like I don't care but that's not the case I want it more than I ever thought I did but I just find this journey takes so much out of you and I don't think you should feel guilty for having to put yourself first so that you're in the right place for when the time comes and it's our turns to get our bfps.

I think you need to be the best you, you can be - to be the best mum you can be for your baby when the time comes and it will come

Try and stay focused and positive xxx

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to kelsbels88

Thank you! Xx

Music1 profile image
Music1 in reply to kelsbels88

I can relate exactly with the car, holiday and your feelings etc. I found out a friend is due next week and her husband has just lost his job. Whilst going through a roller coaster thinking "we must save every little penny towards this" to "what's the bloody point, it's all bs, a total waste of money... I may as well give every penny we have to them, at least they have a child". It's so hard. x

Last week in just 48 h I got pics of two newborn babies and an announcement of a new pregnancy... Everybody is making it but me. I feel awful because sometimes I just don't feel like staying with those friends all the time, I love them, but is just a constant reminder of my pain. And, with best intention they tell you "sure, It will work for you too". But they don't know, nobody really knows and that's so scary.. I am so sorry it's so hard for me being positive sometimes and I am not helping mucho. But yeah! It's normal to have those feeling. All the best!

NsKaz profile image
NsKaz in reply to

Oh gosh I know just how you feel. At my lowest point on clomid I had 7 friends announce their pregnancies in 2 weeks - including my best friend who lives around the corner and a close work colleague so I just felt like there was no escape. You want to stay "normal" and be there for them but being around pregnancy women is a constant and painful reminder.

I've arranged to see one of those friends today and meet her baby boy. I'm so nervous as don't know how I'm going to react (had my BFN after our first round of IVF 10 days ago). Part of me wants to run away and just avoid the situation but i can't avoid everyone forever!

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to NsKaz

Im so sorry. It would be easier to lock ourselves away I know! Im sure you will be fine when you see them, just take deep breaths, all the best x

in reply to NsKaz

Last month I met the baby of one of my best friends. We started trying and went through tough things together, but there she was with her baby... I cried and she knew that I was crying for many different things, happy for her, sad for me. You shouldn't feel bad for what you have inside, is just that you want to be a mum so hard! Any mother would understand that! :-)

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to

Thank you, it is hard but I'm glad I'm not alone! Good luck x

lorraineb61 profile image
lorraineb61

Don't feel guilty - infertility is horrible & unfair. We go through all of these tests, preparation, treatment for a what if & it seems sometimes that some women just sit down & end up pregnant!!!

Infertility in my case has made me a much stronger person &, also, as a couple - me and my DH are much stronger together. We didn't tell many people before our first cycle (BFN) but told immediate family afterwards which felt slightly better but they don't know that we are now on cycle 2.

You are most certainly not alone & I have found this forum to be great - it feels much easier ranting when you know that everyone here will understand.

Focus on your wedding - it will be a spectacular day - the rest will fall in place!! x

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1 in reply to lorraineb61

It is making me more determined to get body fit, positive mind and all that! I'm glad that I joined and don't feel so alone! You are stronger together. Thank you, and good luck x

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