terrified!

Hi. I was ttc for about 7 years but with no result. My husband wanted to have a child even more than to be with me, so he left me. Tough time, to say the least. I tried to cope with my infertility but nothing helped me except the bottle. I don't expect you to understand but I hope you won't blame me. I had no one there to support me. Last few months were extremely liquored.

Now the thing is that few days ago I found out that I'm pregnant (8 weeks). It's quite a shock. I haven't paid attention to my missed period as it's a usual thing to me. I had a scan and the baby was fine, but I'm afraid of future problems. I don't know what to do, i have no husband and I don't know how to raise a child alone. In addition I had too much alcohol and I'm so worried about baby's health. I'm scared of abortion, but in the other hand i don't want my past mistakes to destroy my baby's life.

I only wish I knew...

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27 Replies

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  • Hi there, what an absolutely horrendous time you have had. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    Firstly I dont think you should worry about being on your own or coping. There are lots of single parent families out there doing fantastic jobs of raising kids. You will be a fantastic mum i am sure.

    I understand the concerns you have re the babies health but if the scans are not highlighting any issues then I would try not to worry. There must be lots of women out there drinking before they know they have concieved.

    I am not religious but cant help but think your little baby is what you need to turn your life around and start living again.

    Wishing you the very best of luck for your future. Life does not stand still for long, what seems like your worries and fears will be a distant memory before too long.xx

  • I'm so grateful for your support. Your words are so comforting.

    I know that there are lots of single women, who are the greatest mothers but I remember my mom was dumped by my father. She was miserable and lonely trying to raise me like people in normal families do. I decided not to repeat such mistakes. But I agree it's not the biggest problem after all.

    I'm just afraid that problems may occur laterwhen it's too late to solve them.. I've disappointed myself. What have I done? It feels like I became the one I never wanted to be.

    Thank you, LBM! Maybe I need some time to start following your advices. Lots of love x

  • I'm an ardent opponent of abortion. After craving to have my own child for so long I want to save every future life. I certainly don’t know the way how to define the condition of your future baby’s health. But if there is any opportunity to give a new life you have to do it. No matter you made a lot of mistakes. Your baby can be protected by your own immunity and God’s blessing!

    what do you intend to do?

  • Thank you for sharing your opinion. you are definitely right, every life it's a gift. but I can't stop thinking of those 2 months of "having fun" without thinking about consequences. It's so unfair that my husband and I couldn't become parents for 7 years...and one night stand changed everything.

    Don't know what to do. Really. At all.

  • And where is the man who changed everything? Who supports you now except of us? Thank you for you shared this story, I’m really concerned. But I see only the way to keep your stomach in safety and wait for good news. You can become a happy mom with a new life.

    Don’t you maintain any relations with your ex-husb?

  • If you don't mind, I'd like not to think about men. I appreciate that someone helped me to become pregnant but I don't want to share my future with anyone. especially my ex. I don't want him to be close to me when even thoughts about him are like a torture.

    New life!

  • Exactly, it will be a new life only in case you save the new one for your unborn baby.

    Excuse me, it's up to you to have or not the relations with anybody. Sometimes men hurt so deep and we don’t have desire to meet them anymore.

    The most important thing is inside you now. It forces you to rethink about whole your lifestile, please, say what you plan?

  • Hi sunutraT088. So sorry to hear that you have been suffering in a relationship that obviously didn't include both of you! He must have been such an unloving person - I don't know. I'm sorry to hear that you had to turn to alcohol for comfort, so I'm keeping everything crossed that now you are pregnant, you can hit the alcohol on the head and stop. If you can, then there should be no harm to your baby. Your first scan is fine, and I'm sure it was a thrilling experience to meet your little "bean". I speak to many, many single mums who have had their lives turned around after becoming a mum and doing very nicely, thank you very much. You have obviously had so much to deal with for a while now, so hopefully now is your time. You will get any support you need while you are pregnant if you ask, and soon you will meet your midwife who can support you too. I'm sure if you see your GP he/she will be able to organise some counselling for you, so you can talk your fears over on "neutral" ground. Perhaps you do have at least one friend who you could confide in and who would give you some support too. It can't be easy for you, but you need to seek some help just now to show you how to deal with everything. Obviously I do wish you well with whatever you do decide. Thinking of you. Diane

  • oh god, thank you Diane! Your words make me cry. I'm so grateful for your support. I can say that you reassured me. I was almost ready for abortion because I thought that negative consequences were inevitable. but now I think I need give my small pea a bit more time to become stronger.

    I think giving up alcohol is not a big deal, i can't say I'm addicted, not at all..just allowed myself more than needed. thank you once again from the bottom of my heart!

  • Hi sunutraTO88. I forgot! Don't forget to take folic acid too. You'll get there I'm sure. Diane

  • Thanks! I was told about it and vit E.

  • Great! xx

  • hi, sweetheart, even don't think about abortion. Don't you know, lots of couples want to have babies but they can't. You were gifted with this baby and you have to respect the LORD's will. I know this is hard and stressful, you feel alone in this world but you have your little miracle inside you. Don't miss this chance, don't let yourself to ruin your life totally.

    Now, when you get to know you will be a mother - throw away the alcohol you have. Free yourself and try to live the life you have before.

    p.s. you should be happy with scan, it showed your baby is healthy, think about it and I wish you to find out the right way in your life.

    xxx

  • Thank you sweetheart! the more opinions and support i get, the more I realize that I don't need to think about abortion. It's the last resort I think. I will, I swear I will change my life. I still can't believe I'm going to be a mom... You are right, I was among those women who ttc for ages with no result. how can I be so selfish now. Sending you lots of love xxx

  • Thank you

    Keeping your pregnancy is the right decision. Just imagine how you will walk with you baby, tell her or him bed time stories, see her/his smile and you will understand that being the mom is the biggest gift in this world. Oh, I wish I could be pregnant but God took away this from me.

    He knew more that's why He gave the life I had before. Anyway, I have to be grateful to Him, he gave me a husband who loves me with whole his soul.

    best wishes for you dear,

    p.s. keep us updated, please

  • what a different choice you have to make, very difficult. but this is your own fault and no one is to be blamed for it. you had a choice and you made it. alcohol has never did any good, to anyone. it brings even more troubles. you wanted a baby so much and you finally got pregnant - all the rest is the consequence of your life style. you had to take control over it before.

    I'm not blaming you, but as well I can't be supportive in this tough situation. Sure, alcohol might have huge impact on the fetus, but in the meantime you still have a chance to have a healthy baby.

    in any case, you may wait till the 12 week scan which will show if everything's ok with the baby and then decide

    good luck in whatever you choose

  • I'm not blaming anyone for what happened, gosh of course not! It's only me who is responsible for this. no need to tell me that alcohol isn't a good thing. I don't want to makes excuses. but you see, I was sure I was infertile and could never fall pregnant without assisted reproductive tech. I know that alcohol doesn't help to solve problems. BUT it helped to not to think of everything I was trhough. of course if I knew I can get preggy I wouldn't do those things.

    I hope that the baby is alright, it's the only thing I'm praying for.

  • no, it seems you got me wrong- I'm not blaming you. It was just a coincidence maybe. Sure you didn't know. But if you knew earlier, would you quit drinking? I just cant get was it more situational drinking or an addiction?

    All I want to say that since it's not an addiction, it doesn't change much in your pregnancy, thus no need to think about abortion at all

  • Hello.

    You will always have the support of everyone on this forum we are generally a real supportive bunch .

    Lots of love. X

  • Thank you Romulana! It's crucial for me to know that there is at least a soul ready not to blame me but to tell everything will be alright. xoxoxo

  • Gosh, such a tough decision you have faced with. Your situation is understandable, I won't support or blame you and your ex. You chose the way you wanted to live.

    I do not have any right to force you to adopt a decision. I just want to say a baby is the biggest gift you can give t this world. Just imagine, how would you be happy knowing that a little life is beating under your heart.

    I suppose this is amazing and will replace all bad you had in your previous life.

    Put bluntly, I don't know what is to be a mom because the life was cruel to me and it took away an opportunity to experience that, probably, I did something wrong or was unfair with other that's why I suffering from infertility. But is not a Ophelia story here, I just want to tell you , think twice before you'll make up your mind.

    best wishes for you and safe pregnancy to both of you

  • Oh love so many people turn to drink when they are losing control over their lives or depressed, and you were not ttc while you were doing it, so you have nothing to be ashamed of and I fully support you in this tough road to take control of your life and become a single mum. Forget any even slightly negative comments and concentrate on being positive with this little one that was gifted to you after all the heartache. The strength is in you and as corny as it sounds, the most important gift you can give to your child is the future. Everything else will fall into its place. I'm too becoming a single mum and the reality of it is really scary, I don't have a support network around me but I'll do my god damn best to give them love, good values, good future and everything else they need in life to succeed and become happy and balanced. And you, like me, should look for the support of other mums-to-be and mums in your area, and start enjoying this fantastic new chapter in your life. Don't look back, look forward!! And pm me any time xoxo

  • So sad to here your husband left you and no support, your in good hands with the medical profession, it's what you do from that moment you find out your pregnant that counts, and from there on, mind over matter right!! You can do this!! There is plenty help out there for single parents, and talk to your gp about the alcohol, this is your time to let go of the past mistakes, leave them in the past and look forward to the future, you can't change what you have done in the past, but you can change what's ahead, good luck xx

  • Thanks for sharing your story. Maybe the baby came for you just at the right time to change your life. No one here should judge or tell you what to do other than offer health advice to support you. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you. As women we are so strong, you allowed to be scared too, but you will get through this - lots of love ❤️

  • hello lovely.

    what an awful time you must be going through ! drink was always what i turned to when things go wrong and problems arise, you are not the first and certainly wont be the last.

    what matters most is that you have stopped drinking now until yo have made your decision as to what you would like to do. i know so many of my friends who have got married and had children and ive also got single friends who have been a single mum when they certainly werent expecting it, but they have coped and have formed the most incredible bond with there babies so of them have been to parties and drank the night away not even realising they are pregnant, as soon as they find out they have stopped and all babies have been born fine.

    I completely get you must be scared and worried about the "what if's" but you wanted a baby for so long that this wonderful gift has now been given to you.

    at the end of the day it is 100% your decision and only you can make that and do what is right for you. but what ever happens there is always suport either way so dont feel your alone.

    good luck hun xxx

  • Your more than welcome. X

  • Oh what an awful time u have had and now u have this little miracle!! Lots of women don't know they r pregnant in the early days and are drinking so I wouldn't let that stress u out, u know now and can do everything right from here on in!! U will have your own little family now and u certainly don't need a man like you had before who ran when there were difficulties! U r strong & u can do this on your own!! Big hugs xxx

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