Feeling scared, miscarriage. - Fertility Network UK

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Feeling scared, miscarriage.

TRYING2016 profile image
50 Replies

Just wanted some advice, many of you already know i have had a miscarriage at 8wks 3days. I chose to naturally miscarry and it has been 6 days today since i stopped the progesterone pessaries.

I don’t have any sort of pain, cramps, bleeding or even mild pain, and was thinking of going for medical management but thanks to google 😔 i have read some scary stories. Im so scared about the pain, i want to continue to naturally miscarry but have heard can take up to 2 weeks and I don’t want to wait for so long and I don’t want to be back at work and then it happen.

I just want to ask for advice what i should do or what is best, is there anything i can do to bring on the miscarriage faster? Without going for MM? If the pain is bearable and paracetamol will help then i am ok to continue waiting but just in need of advice as this is my first time.

Its such a lonely heartbreaking journey and i must say for the women who have been through this more than once i have so much respect for you ❤️ xx

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lucylob profile image
lucylob

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Ah bless you Hun. I can't really give you any advice as I never really miscarried naturally. With my 2nd mmc I did bleed really heavily so ended up having a D & C as an emergency case. I lost a lot of blood but didn't have any pain at that stage. I know others will give you good advice & support you but I just wanted to send you hugs. I'm so sorry your dealing with this. X

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to

Did you start off to naturally miscarry with your 2nd mmc? Im sorry for you too you have been through a lot. Wish you all the love and best xxxx

LegoBatgirl profile image
LegoBatgirl

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice but just wanted to send my love and thank you for sharing, it is really brave of you to share everything that you're going through and I know it will help women to know that they don't have to suffer this in silence. X

Detailed mc info***

My first mc had started bleeding went to EPU at 12w found out I was miscarrying I had a 5 days of light to Med bleeding 3 days of labour like pains strong cramps I got codeine couldn’t

bear it after I passed clots and pregnancy tissue the pain went and bled for another 10ish days. My 2nd found out at 12w scan 2 days later I started to bleed light one day then had bad cramps the day after but had codeine left from prev so wasn’t in major pain but was able to walk around more and think that helped pass it quicker most of the clots came out the next day I was dizzy with blood loss and felt awful but only for the day. But 3 days later I had to get the pregnancy tissue pulled out by the EPU as it was stuck in my cervix then they gave me medical management but didn’t work and didn’t really need it I was fine after that had a check up scan and pregnancy test few days later. Hope this helps it is scary when not knowing what to expect I wouldn’t want to do it again as it’s not pleasant.

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to

Thank you for so much information, it is really scary and im scared of the pain too, thank you so much xx

in reply to TRYING2016

Get pain relief if paracetamol and ibuprofen doesn’t help don’t suffer with it. I’m sorry for your loss it’s awful and so emotional for a long time after take care of yourself xx sending hugs

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to

I definitely will do xx

LegoBatgirl profile image
LegoBatgirl in reply to

Thanks for sharing, I think it's important to know what it's like and I really appreciate you taking the time to share x

in reply to LegoBatgirl

I found a friend from school was miscarrying when I did my first and I contacted her as going through the same thing it helped me so much knowing someone going through the same thing.

LegoBatgirl profile image
LegoBatgirl in reply to

One thing that this process has helped me to see is that there is an amazing network of supportive women out there and together we're so strong x

Penders profile image
Penders

Hi hunni I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Ive had medical management twice. It was like very, very intense period pain but the worst of it was over within the first 24hrs of taking the tablets. I managed it with just paracetamol and a hot water bottle, the hospital prescribed codeine but I didn't take it. Unfortunately the second time round the medical management didn't fully work and I ended up having surgery. Both times I was 6 weeks. Nothing started naturally for me hence doing medical management twice. If you can hold out then maybe waiting for it to start naturally would be better, tho the waiting is not fun I know. I'm not sure how you can bring it on faster naturally. Any questions feel free to send me a message. Sending lots of love and great big hugs xxxx

in reply to Penders

I don’t know if this is true but seeing and being told I would miscarry actually brought it on I hadn’t had any bleeding before.

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Penders

Yes i will definitely try holding out as im scared of getting medical management and then having to go in again. I don’t think im able to completely confront im having a miscarriage. I don’t want to speak about it and don’t want to go hospital etc and talking about it is so hard so i just want it to quietly start and finish. Thank you for your message xxx

Barbara1012 profile image
Barbara1012

Hey lovely, I am so sorry you’re going though this. I don’t have any experience of this - so I don’t know. I know a friend of mine took some comfort and advice from the miscarriage association - apparently there is lots of useful info ( miscarriageassociation.org....

Sending you lots of hugs and strength to get through this xxx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Barbara1012

Thank you for this xxx

7AVA profile image
7AVA

I had a natural miscarriage. I had light bleeding and then one night of intense period like pain until I passed some blood clots. I used a hot wheat bag, paracetamol and paced around to help with the pain. I think everyone is different and if you’re feeling scared I would get in touch with your EPU or with Tommy’s - the miscarriage information line. You need support honey, it is such a hard time physically and emotionally. Please take time off work to look after yourself, I didn’t and struggled on, looking back, I’m not sure if this was the best way of looking after myself. Take care of yourself xxxx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to 7AVA

Thank you so much i will definitely take the advice, i have not heard of Tommy’s? Is there a number or website? Please x

7AVA profile image
7AVA in reply to TRYING2016

tommys.org - hope they are able to help xxxx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016

Im not sure how everyone else felt when going through a miscarriage but i have felt so emotional and the worst was going to the gp, EPAU, and having to repeat everything that has happened so far. When i went to the EPAU today the first question i was asked was why are you here, then the next question was:- was it a planned pregnancy (even though I mentioned i had ivf). Also my gp did not refer me properly so i was sent home to have a think about what i want and to go tomorrow to have a scan to confirm miscarriage maybe for the 4th time. What i am finding hard is keep repeating myself and having to go for a scan to see how things are. Im sorry I don’t want to upset or hurt anyone and it is not like this for everyone but I really wish no one has to go through this xxxxx

HollieW profile image
HollieW in reply to TRYING2016

I really feel for you. I have not had a miscarriage but two ectopics and it's scary. I can't believe you were asked if the pregnancy was planned, it's completely irrelevant and totally insensitive. Be kind to yourself and do what you think is best xx

I didn’t really know what to do either my folder had some numbers wrote on for midwife and EPU so just rang EPU got in straight away was awful I wasn’t expecting it at all I’ve had 2 live births years ago and had no problems so this was a massive shock especially getting to 12w.

My last was 28th July and I feel better quicker emotionally but I sometimes tear up when talking to friends and try so hard not to. My first I was a wreck for 6 mths then I conceived again.

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to

Its so hard to express how you feel, it leaves you feeling empty and not excited for anything. You have been through a lot, this is my first and i feel broken. I really appreciate you taking the time to message back x

in reply to TRYING2016

It’s no trouble tbh being on this fertility forum has opened my eyes and I feel really blessed to have had kids and even conceived naturally again.

You do have all these emotions sad, angry, guilty, just why? I felt broken and empty too took me a while to stop randomly crying well I still do but try to hold it together now.

I hope you have support and also for your partner as they don’t always show how they feel our relationship really suffered as we didn’t know how to talk to each other about it.

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to

My husband is as upset as i am, i think we will go counselling as it will be beneficial for both of us xx

Devj profile image
Devj

So so sorry to read this hun, sounds like you’re really having a tough time. I have no advice I’m sorry but the wonderful ladies on here I can see have some great advice for you. I definitely second ringing a helpline, Tommys is it? You need guidance and somebody to talk to along the way. Repeating yourself must be agonising, it baffles me how clinics cant seem to pass information around in this day and age with computer systems in place. Bless you.

Thoughts are with you hun xxx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Devj

The consultant had the referral letter in her hand whilst she asked me these questions, its just a routine for them well thats how they treat it at times. Thank you for your message xxx

Clover5 profile image
Clover5

I really feel for you Hun as it’s such an awful time. Thankfully both times I miscarried, it happened fairly quick over about 4-5 days so I didn’t have the awful wait and worry that your currently having. I know exactly what you mean regarding repeating yourself over and over and really found this amongst other things the hospital did to be extremely insensitive. I think they could do with staff trained specifically to deal with woman that miscarry, as they can be so blasé with some of the stuff they say to you. I’m praying you don’t have to suffer for much longer and that you can start to grieve properly. Sending hugs 💕🙏 xX

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Clover5

Yes your right, i think it should be a complete separate section or waiting area as its such a heartbreaking process. I really hope so too. Thank you so much xxx

WaywardGirl profile image
WaywardGirl

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to read this thread. So many amazingly strong women sharing their stories. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice to offer but want you to know that I’m thinking of you x

Dreamingofbaby profile image
Dreamingofbaby

Oh it def so awful esp the feeling n fear of not knowing what to expect. I had a natural miscarriage and was exactly the same. Sounds like it so diff for all so my experience may not be the same. For me it was not as bad as all had said in some ways. Had spotting firstly which then got more & more then had a strange fever type moment, then last couple days intense cramps when all happened. Is physically and emotionally v hard. Have ppl close Hun n I wudnt recommend Work or anything. Sorry u going through this. It so hard and cruel. Take good care

It is awful. I feel so sorry for you as I wouldn't want anyone to go through it - more from an emotional perspective.

I opted for taking the pills. They work within an hour to three. Usually you will have up to 4 hours of intense period pain. For me it was like a really bad teenage period. I spent half the time on the toilet and half the time in bed. After that it was like a normal period.

If you have a d&c they just operate and take it all away. There is a small chance they can puncture something if they do that although they can also examine the material and perhaps tell you more information.

As I was at 8 weeks but had an anembryonic pregnancy I decided I could handle the pills and going home. There was really nothing to come out other than lining and an empty sac.

Wishing you all the best xxx

Sara-J- profile image
Sara-J-

Really sorry to hear of your loss 😢. I went through the same experience last November and I was given codene as pain relief but I didn’t take it. Yes it was painful but I sort of got through it and took ibuprofen instead. I rang the EPU once when I thought the blood was too much and they told me to give it two hours and go in if it didn’t subside.... it was ok in the end. You always have them to ring though if you are unsure. It’s the worst experience of my life but it was more the emotional side than the pain that got me. You will get through it but allow yourself to be emotional and hopefully those around you will be there for you.

Sending my love xxx

Noeps profile image
Noeps

I’m really sorry about that, I had 2 miscarriages last year, my first one was really painful, no one told me how bad could be because every body is different. I stared bleeding light pink for 2 days ( no pain) in that moment I was consulting to the gp few times, I went to make a scanner and the lady told me that it wasn’t any heartbeat, just then I lost all my soul, hope and happiness.

That night I stared with light cramps and tissues, during the night the pain became stronger, nothing could calm it, I’ve never had so strong pain in my life ( crying)

It was around 6 am when I couldn’t resist it anymore and we decided to go to the hospital, I had so much pain that I couldn’t talk to the nurse and move from my chair.

After filling the form, the nurse gave me something, I don’t remember if it was an injection or strong tablet and I rested in there in bed, the pain was less and less strong, I was more relaxed, in that moment I went to the toilet,

Just there I lost it, It fells.

No more physical pain but the emotional shock was the worst for my partner and me.

2 months later, 2nd miscarriage, I was ready to suffer as I did with my first one but it was totally different, no strong pain, light cramps and tissues.

That it was my experience, every woman is different and unpredictable.

I hope you’re well

XXX

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016

I honestly can not explain how much I appreciate it, thank you so much for sharing your stories. There is no easy road and i have to walk it I really wish for the first and last time 😞. Thank you to everyone for all the support xxxxx

Hello lovely, so sorry you’re going through this, it is unspeakably hard - emotionally and physically so do rest as much as you possibly can. I had to natural miscarriages at home, one at 11.5 wks (missed miscarriage) and one at 7 was. They were both quite different in terms of pain/length/amount of bleeding etc. Please feel free to personal message me if you want any advice or someone to talk to. It’s shit what you’re going through and I’m sending huge strength xx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to threesthemagicnumber

It really is, thank you so much xx

Tugsgirl profile image
Tugsgirl

Have you thought about having a D and C at all? I’ve had both D and C and medical management. I can see plus and negative to both. I really hope you’re able to do this the way that you want to. I’m only sorry that you’re going through it at all xx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Tugsgirl

Hello i hope your ok, i wish I didn’t have to go through this. Im going for medical management as I don’t want to wait around any longer for nature to take its course. Im not having any cramping bleeding or even mild pain. So i hope i can get this started so i can build myself up again to start again. I wish you have good news soon, your such a inspiration xxx thank you for your support

Tugsgirl profile image
Tugsgirl in reply to TRYING2016

You’re welcome. I hope it’s over quickly. Have a hot water bottle ready and at the very least paracetamol. You can ask for a prescription of codeine. It might get quite painful but you can absolutely do this. I promise xx

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you i needed to hear just that 😘

Tugsgirl profile image
Tugsgirl in reply to TRYING2016

You’ve got this 👊🏻💪🏻 xx

No advice but I just wanted to say sorry again that you're going through this. I hope it's over as quickly as possible for you. Big hug xx

Kari55 profile image
Kari55

I can’t offer any advice but just wanted to send you a big hug. Xx

Hollibob profile image
Hollibob

There are acupuncture points which can help to speed the process up x

TRYING2016 profile image
TRYING2016 in reply to Hollibob

Thank you xxx

Caza2009 profile image
Caza2009

Im sorry that I can’t offer any advice but just wanted to send you some love 💕 im so sorry that you’re going through this xxxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

I dont have any advice but hope all goes as well as it can do! Thinking of you, massive hugs.xx

sandra788 profile image
sandra788

Hi there! I'm in the same boat. My DH & I been trying for 7 yrs. I know that it’s really hard to conceive. When you get pregnant you get so excited… But happiness lasts not so long… I lost it too. It’s sooo heartbreaking. I can’t take the pain... I'm just on the recovery state right now. I don’t have any advice to give to you ladies because I need one too... I'm hoping that I'll get pregnant right away… I dream about this. Also I know that all of you would want this too… It’s a good feeling to know that you are pregnant. Hopefully all of you will have a successful pregnancy next time.

Dorekhani profile image
Dorekhani

Hi I m really sorry for you I know the pain because last year I went through this. I misscairrd 11 weeks baby. It was natural pregnancy. One day before dating scan I got dark brown spots so I rush to hospital and my hcg was also less than it should be at 11 weeks. So they said it is miscarriage. She gave me 3 options first was to wait for natural and I choose that. After 3 days bleeding start and with stabbing pain I passed 11 weeks pregnancy. It was very painful that I lost my baby but thanks God that it is done naturally. So if you can wait that is best option.

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