This is my first post on here. My wife told me to come on to here to reach out to other people in the same situation as us.
We have just been through another miscarriage after having ICSI. We have had miscarriages before and an ectopic pregnancy. This one just feels ten times worse because we went through the treatment and had hope and now it's gone.
My wife is really upset and I'm unsure of how to support her and how to deal with it myself. I'm not even sure how to explain how I feel really. I've looked into the miscarriage association, I just think I need to get it all out.
Thanks.
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jayc19871
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Hello and welcome, i myself completed a round of IVF/ICSI and got my first ever BFP only to miscarry a few weeks later. I am utterly heartbroken and it feels like everything has finished, i don’t feel like getting or doing anything, my OH says to me I understand how you feel and comforts me and my response is no you don’t, we since have spent a lot of time talking and expressing how feel and comforted each other.
Sounds like you have had a tough journey and I could imagine your dreams must of shattered as you had so much hope, was this your first cycle of ICSI? Also have you tried counselling? Spend quality time with each other, you both have suffered a loss.
You need time to recover by grieving together and spending time with each other, this can be a tough journey and may feel like you are on your own, your not we are all on this journey together.
Im sorry im not much help im sure others will be of more help xxx
So sorry to hear about your journey but it’s great to see you on here.
I think you may get a lot of different answers. From experience with each failed attempt I felt different and needed something different. My hubby also was different each time. I think honesty, hearing exactly what each other are saying and understanding that you may both feel something different but that’s ok because you are both able to help each other in the ways you both need. It’s more difficult than most situations and also the old cliche of time is a healer is very true in these times. I now feel different to a few months ago. Sorry not much help but every person/couple will be different. Take care of each other xx
Keep talking to each. It’s the best you can do. Let yourselves grieve and feel the loss. The first time we had IVF/ICSI I was so hopeful. My husband and I have been waiting to have a child for 11 years and I thought finally something that can help us and it didn’t materialise. Trying to be hopeful and positive vs being realistic is such a fine balance. I’m not sure anyone masters it really.
I’m quite lucky that when I feel down that I can talk to my husband. He may not understand but he listens and I listen to him because it’s not only my loss or my body failing me when we get a negative.
It may be really raw and hard now but please keep talking to each other and try not to let it consume you. My husband and I didn’t get married just to procreate - that’s the added bonus in which I think we sometimes forget.
Hi there, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. We had icsi last year which resulted in a bfp but unfortunately ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. We had been trying for about 4 years and had never naturally conceived before our icsi round. My husband felt like my rock for the next few weeks after our mc, he was unbelievably upset on the night it happened and this really helped me to see how much he wanted this for us, which was a massive comfort for me. Luckily we were able to spend some time off together and we just spent a lot of time talking and just doing nice things (days out, going for walks etc). It's so easy to just drown your sorrows, but meaningful time spent together is the best way to grieve. We also talked about our next steps and alternatives (adoption etc.) so we knew we were on the same page. I hope it's not insensitive of me to say this, but if it gives you any hope our 2nd icsi was successful and we are expecting twins next week. It's really a positive step to join this forum, the people on here have helped me through a lot of bad times. Take care of yourself and your wife xxxx
Oh welcome to you and your wife. Perhaps she has suggested that you come on here to get support. The fact that you are here shows that you are a very strong person. So so sorry to hear your latest news. I hope we can all help you xxx
Hi and welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear that you've been through so much. I think you've definitely done the right thing by reaching out and getting support.
Does your clinic offer any counselling? It might help to talk to a professional x
Welcome! I’m so sorry for your loss but you have come to the right place. This forum has been my lifeline. Your wife was wise to advise you to come on here. You both need to look after each other, do something special for each other every day, something you may normally not do such as make breakfast in bed, go for a walk, have a picnic, play a board game, buy her flowers or chocolates. For me going for a nice long walk somewhere peaceful with my husband so we can talk it all through is what I feel helps me. Often, I don’t want to go, I just want to stay in bed & hibernate but I always feel better after. I started yoga at the beginning of this journey which I find very soothing. I do it at home with YouTube videos, sometimes I don’t want to do it alone so my husband joins me. My husband sends me texts to remind me he is thinking of me if he’s at work. I find this reassuring as I know he wants this as bad as I do. Everyone is different but I just thought I’d share what works for me. It is important you have some one to talk too, my husband talks with his eldest sister as he finds his mates useless with this. Feel free to private message me if you want to discuss any of this further or if you have any specific questions.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Counselling through the clinic and through work helped us massively. You may be able to get a few sessions via your GP. The specialist had advised us to carry on with our life and activities and set a day/time(s) within the week and talk about this and vent only at that time. Otherwise it consumes you. Good luck xx
Sorry to hear about ur ivf cycle the best advice to give you is to just be dere for each other. Love on each other and take time out to heal even if u need to take sum time off an take a quickly trip. I pray for you all strength in the Lord.🙏🙏🙏🙏
Hi im sorry to read about your ivf cycle. I cannot imagine how hard it is for you and your wife and hope that somewhere in the future your pain will ease. I have no experience, having never been pregnant but wanted to wish you both well and hope that you are able to help each other get through this x
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