My partner and I have been TTC for over two years now with a very recent failed IVF cycle and no Frosties and today my best friend calls me crying because she’s found out she’s pregnant completely out of the blue and her partner is unsure it’s what he wants. I was trying my hardest to console her on the phone and tell her everything will be ok and that it’s an amazing blessing, which it is, but The whole time I was literally dying inside and holding back tears myself.
I’m not sure how to deal with it, I want nothing more in life than to carry my own child and be a mum and yet it seems impossible, then for others it happens without trying and while they are living a Party animal lifestyle, While I live a strictly healthy, no booze, rattle with vitamins lifestyle and never get lucky.
The fact that’s it’s my best friend too makes it even harder because I want her to be her happiest and have everything she wants in life, I just don’t know how to deal with it.
Am I being selfish? I’m not sure how to brave it
Xxx
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ICSI2018
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Hey girl. How are you doing? Look, it's not your fault. Humans are like that. We feel selfish sometimes. And we do despair at times. But look at it like this, maybe the universe is trying to teach you patience. It obviously isn't good news to her because maybe she can't afford a child. You, on the other hand, want and can. But seeing somebody else get that gift makes you feel bad about your self. What you need to do is clear your heart. Try and let the negativity go. Because it's your life, you can control what you feel, you're not responsible for anyone else. For sure, you'll be a mother someday. Just don't give up.
I know how you feel, my best friend told me she was pregnant the day I found out mine didn't have a heartbeat any more. She had been trying not to get pregnant, but seemed to start trying when I caught. I found it hard dealing with my miscarriage and her being pregnant. I didn't attend her baby shower, her sister invited me via Facebook on my baby's due date. You're not being selfish. You were kind listening and supporting her. Does she know about your IVF, don't be so hard on yourself x x
You were a great friend by consoling her on the phone, and wanting her to be happy and have everything she desires in life. You could have ignored her, which you didn't. So no, you are not selfish, not a tiny bit. The fact that you were dying inside is not being selfish. It is grieving for your own loss(es) and thinking about what your life could be "if". Dealing with our emotions is difficult and there is no easy way. I send you warm hugs, you are a great person and I wished I was one of your friends.
I have had a similar experience recently, my best friend is pregnant with her second. When she told me she was delighted to tell me ‘it only took them one go’ felt like saying ‘well good for you!’ It just seems so unfair, I’ve had a natural miscarriage and 1st round of ivf failed. It’s totally natural and rational to feel like you’re feeling!!
Look after yourself and good luck for the future xx
Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your stories, it’s so hard dealing with this isn’t it especially when those closest to you seem to be having exactly what you long for and would give anything for
You are not selfish at all! That's a really tough situation to be in and really feel for you. Try not to be too hard on yourself 😘 x x
Hey girl
I lost a best friend because I couldn’t deal with it, someways I wish I had just sucked face and got in with it, I miss her and the times we shared we were inseparable, born in the same day exactly the same age, we’re like peas in a pod.
Even a year ago my younger sister fell pregnant we didn’t even this she could have babies and she didn’t want her gorgeous daughter now, and the year before we lost our son that killed me but now I wouldn’t have it any right way, was in that labour room with her holding in every ounce of pain and tears cos it hurt like
Nothing else as it should have been me.
You are not a bad person you are human, and now it hurts as every day it will hurt and she really and truly is ur friend she will understand. Do what you have to and protect yourself cos the journey for someone else breaks your 💔
Sending you a tight squeeze be brave your turn will come x
Hey there, not quite the same situation, but Hubby and I have been trying for 2 years and are just starting IVF next month. I knew a close friend was going to start trying for a baby and yes it happened for them the first month 😂. I was devestates and found it very difficult to be happy for them and to take any intetest in the pregnancy, but as the pregnancy has moved on it got easier and I managed to recently attend her baby shower. X
Give yourself a break girlie. We are only human and it hurts like hell especially when we go through something so gruelling as IVF, which no one understands unless they have been through it.
Our friends told us yesterday they were pregnant and I just cried all day, yes it is unfair that it feels like it’s never me and although I’m really happy for our friends I’m allowing myself to be selfish and if she is a good friend she will understand.
I've lost my best friend due to this journey as she couldn't handle supporting me while her life has been honestly, so perfect.
My other friends have been so wonderful though.
I really find it frustrating to see other women who, like you & I probably don't look after themseves as well manage to fall pregnant accidently or just so easily. It makes you question everything
Please look after yourself & your relationship through this process.
I've found not going to baby showers, first birthdays & christenings the best thing for me mentally
Hey there, Im sad to hear about you failing your IVF. My dear, you are not being selfish at all by any means. Your expression is very real and natural and that's fine. Sometimes we have no control over the situation. So it would be better if you try not to be impervious. Infertility is a sad reality and one should face it with courage. I believe that's the only way you will go through it successfully. I can truly understand that how hard it is for you because she is your best friend after all. I would suggest you find a good clinic now because that's the only way your dream will come true. Every woman wants to be a mother, and trust me I have seen many women who were infertile and just like you, They also failed IVF several times. But they kept floundering and now I see them having fun with their beautiful babies. Don't lose hope and find a right clinic. Goodluck!
Thank you so much ladies for your lovely messages, you’ve made me feel so much better about how I’m feeling. I’m so thankful for this forum because no one else understands.
hey dear. please don't be sad. it happens.it's fate. you wil have a baby for sue.buton the right time. everything needs some time. maybe you should try going to a good doctor. try some alternate procedures. they might help you have a baby. I will pray for you. just be there for your best friend. if you do good to people. good will come back to you for sure. stay strong. much love. sending you baby dust.
Feelings of jealousy are very common. Don't feel like you're alone in this journey. Don't feel foolish or pathetic for feeling this way either. It's totally normal. You'll get that happiness soon too! It's just around the corner. Stay blessed and stressfree! Sending baby dust your way.
hi, I am so sorry to know about your condition. I am upset to know about your condition. You have to go through so much.Look you are not being selfish at all it is human nature. And you are brave ! I know it is a difficult situation to handle but you are trying to deal with it. Trust me, all will be fine. Nothing is impossible sweetheart just have faith. Don't lose the hope. Keep yourself surrounded with positive vibes don't overthink. You will be blessed soon. Takecare.
You’re definitely not being selfish. I can completely relate to what you’re saying. Don’t punish yourself for the emotions you’re feeling. It’s only to be expected. Does your friend know about your IVF? If so, she’s bound to understand how difficult her news will be for you too xx
Thank you for your kind words, yes she knows about IVF and the length of time we’ve been trying and our recent BFN from our ICSI cycle.
I’ve been checking in on her each day to see if she’s ok, but I’m finding it so hard, when it’s all I want in life and what my partner and I have been trying for for so long.
I guess it feels like life is so unfair, I’m trying to deal with it but I can’t see past my feelings right now that it just never seems to be me.
That is so natural. I can feel you. I can understand what you are going through. But don't think that you are being selfish. You just have to stay strong. Don't let your negative thoughts ruin what you have with your friend. I wish her good luck. Also, sending baby dust on your way.a
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