Anxiety in early pregnancy (12 weeks) - Fertility Network UK

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Anxiety in early pregnancy (12 weeks)

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Guys is it normal to be really anxious at this stage in my pregnancy?

Apart from the pregnancy itself I am so worried about my job situation and finances.

I got made redundant end of last year before we started all our fertility tests and IVF and I haven't gone back to work...

We are so blessed to have our natural bfp straight after our failed IVF cycle. And I am thankful everyday as the pregnancy progresses further.

Now though I am worried how I will cope financially after taking so much time off and no maternity leave payments and then affording nursery etc.

Is this just added anxiety from my pregnancy hormones?

Does anyone post successful IVF worry how they will actually pay for the baby?

I risked everything financially for my fertility journey as I know all of you guys are doing too....

Xxx

32 Replies
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Hell yesss!!!! Honey and it doesn’t stop, even when that child has left home and got a life of their own!!! It’s completely natural. Totally. I had two children naturally, had massive 25 year gap between them and tried for four years for a sibling for my youngest. Spent thousands because NHS IVF Isn’t available if you have been fortunate enough to have babies naturally (and fair enough). The treatment was unsuccessful and we are now in stage one of adoption.

My little one is starting ‘big’ school in September and I have to go part time because all the childcare I would have to obtain the money wouldn’t be worth working for! And.....each pregnancy (successful or not) I have absolutely worried myself sick. What you are feeling IS natural, welcome to motherhood! I wish you all the luck in the world 💕

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in reply to Jmaw

Ah thanks for your thoughtful reply!

I think mostly that I cannot be my usual proactive self trying to resolve things as I have wanted to put baby first.

It is a big shift - that will hopefully pay off with a much wanted healthy happy baby at the end of this pregnancy.

I was hoping you would say the anxiety would ease! But I presume when you hold your baby it makes it easier. 😍

I will just try to manage my anxiety so that I can be as healthy as possible for this little guy.

You have been through an amazing journey to get where you are now.

Xxx

Jmaw
Jmaw
in reply to Hidden

Thanks honey. It’s all worth it my love, and yes we do it over and over again!

You will find coping mechanisms that work for you and each trauma, and how you deal with it will equip you to deal with the next.

Look at me, did it all those years ago when just a child myself! My support was nonexistent, but my love for children (when I met the right man of course) prompted me to do it again!

Remember don’t worry about things you have no control over. Just use the knowledge you have gained from the journey you have been on, to guide you. Deal with each day and it comes. Keep a diary, if it’s not on ‘today’s agenda’ don’t think about it.

If you’re feeling anxious, watch a soap opera like Corrie. Their lives are so much more traumatic, you haven’t murdered anyone or buried them in the Granny flat! Just sit back and laugh. Laughing is good for baby. 👶 💕👶

Hey lovely, I think it’s normal to feel anxious about those things. You still have plenty of time to get something lined up- even part time for a few days a week which will help you get some maternity allowance ( probably best to check out the government website for info on your entitlements)

Babies don’t really need all that much - they get though clothes really quickly so you can get by on simple and fairly inexpnsive stuff ( my friend swears by primark for baby grows).

Also worth remembering that baby EB2001 is so loved and wanted - I think that is probably worth more than a ton of baby parafanalia and stuff. Try not worry uneccessarily - I know it’s hard - but focus on a healthy pregnancy and the rest will fall into place. Best of luck sweets xx

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in reply to Barbara1012

Yes you are right - think things just build up and I am extra anxious as starting to tell people. Which strangely I am not looking forward to!

I am trying to get some part time work sorted to prepare for kind of government maternity leave.

You are right babies are not so expensive and we want this so much that I am sure it will all fall into place.

The rollercoaster of emotions never stops! 😅

Thanks for your kind message.

Xxx

You've been through so much, personally and professionally. It's totally normal to have some worries. I really hope that something works out for you on the job front x

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in reply to LegoBatgirl

Thanks hon! Hopefully will get some part time work in the coming weeks.

Xxx

Hey Hun, what you are feeling is completely normal. I still feel nervous now and I am 5 months!! You worry at every twinge and movement! The only thing I can say is enjoy this moment, it goes by so quickly. You worry because of the journey we have been on. Every step is a milestone xxx

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in reply to NDE1987

Yes you are right.

I think it is a lot to take in! And I still don't quite believe it is real yet! 😊

Hopefully will get things more sorted and start to relax and enjoy.

Xxx

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You may have already looked at this, but you might well qualify for maternity allowance already, depending on how long ago you stopped working.

gov.uk/maternity-allowance/...

I remember worrying no end about money with my first child and you know what? It all worked out. I know it’s a bit over-used but things really do have a way of working themselves out. Good luck with your pregnancy xxx

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in reply to Flimzee

Thanks I am going to have a look and see what I am entitled to.

Thanks for sending the link - so kind.

I know you are right - things will work out. Everyone seems to manage somehow. I keep saying to my OH so and so did it etc 😂

I feel like women are actual superwomen - especially on this forum. The lengths they go to to concieve and then provide a life for their kid....hope I can work things out and do the same.

I feel a bit better after a nights sleep.

All got a bit much yesterday!

Xxx

Hi EB2001, your anxiety is perfectly normal but try to not to let it consume you. There is a technique called RAIN and Tara Brach has some medication on this. It helps me a lot. I would imagine that the pregnancy hormones add to it.

I’m worried about finances a lot too. I keep wondering about what if. If we didn’t have to go through infertility, would we live in a house now, not a pokey flat, would I move jobs, would we be less stuck in life in general? We will shortly be facing a bill of £9k for IVF which scares me.

I’m sure however that you will adjust to the situation and manage your finances. Things usually just fall into places. Would you have someone to help you with childcare? If yes, then you can always consider going back to work part- time or temping. There will be a lot of options, try not to stress yourself too much, it will be ok. X

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in reply to Kari55

Yes I think it is just a case of finding solutions - and my consultant said I can sort my career out for the rest of my life but I just had a short spell to have children.

It is reassuring to know that I am not alone and everyone seems to have some worry.

We are so lucky that we had a funded nhs cycle - but as I wasn't working I spent the money keeping myself afloat.

I am going to look up the relaxation techniques that you recommend. Exercise used to be how I relax so I need to readjust to a pregnancy friendly form of relaxation.

Thanks for your advice. I love this forum amazing to have such great people responding.

Xxx

Kari55
Kari55
in reply to Hidden

Check out Insight Timer app - I love Tara Brach and Sarah Blondin’s meditations. You will find some for pregnancy as well. Sending hugs xx

We are worried about money too, second time around. We had to re-mortgage to fund our ivf and really we need to extend our house because, very happily, we already have a little girl (nearly 6) and we have a little boy on the way. Although they can share a room for a bit, they will need their own rooms in time and we can’t afford to re-mortgage again... It will work itself out though. Having my baby last time made me realise how resourceful we can all be when it comes to it. Good luck xxx

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in reply to Flimzee

Yes I am hoping that we can also be resourceful.

We can try and remortgage if we get into further trouble.

Seems like people find a way to manage.

Our house is tiny too - but we have spent a few months getting storage solutions built so we can manage the additonal items.

Thanks for your message makes me feel I am not alone.

Xxx

It’s natural to be nervous and while finances are a worry, the most important thing is having a healthy little baby - that’s the end game 😊

That doesn’t mean do nothing though! You can pull together a budget now... look at what you need, what you have and how you make up the difference. It will help to alleviate the worry once you have a plan in place, no matter how stretching.

Dare I say it, but now may be a good time to get a short-term job & throw as much into savings as possible x

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in reply to Wishfully

Yes I am going to be proactive now and stop ranting haha 😀

You are right - healthy baby and healthy mother is a priority and if we get through to delivery then everything else will work around it.

Thanks for your wise words.

Xxx

Everything you are feeling is so normal, and you are not alone! It's such a huge life change, and we have worked so hard to get here! It would be weird if we weren't anxious in some way!

With regards to finances, there is a lot of info online about buying everything for your baby on a budget - my fiance and I have relied a lot on donated items from friends and family buying the big stuff. I also joined so many baby sites that offer discounts, freebies and inform you of baby events.

Don't fret, it will all be fine, and we are all right there with you! xxx

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in reply to Charlie78

Yes you are right. Everyone seems to say similar that you can be resourceful and manage somehow.

Once I tell my brother I will make sure we get all his cast offs from his 2 babies.....at least that can save some money for us.

Good to hear I am 'normal' haha 😁

Thanks for your kind reply.

Xxx

Charlie78
Charlie78
in reply to Hidden

You're welcome, and you are MOST definitely normal xxx

I think I have found everything possible to worry about after finally getting pregnant with a healthy baby. I think it must be completely normal. I got made redundant at the end of June and so I feel your pain. Initially I panicked and wanted to try and get as much work as possible, but now I have gone down the temping route at 23 weeks pregnant to get some money coming in but not to overwhelm myself. I hope you can find a good balance too.xx

precioce
precioce
in reply to precioce

To add I also joined a second hand group and have a mix of maternity clothes from there, friends and in the sale. Plus I bought a lot of essential baby bits in the sale and will be getting lots from friends. Make the most of any offers.xx

Lilli79
Lilli79
in reply to precioce

Stretchy dresses from charity shops are an absolute must!! I bought a few at the beginning and they still fit beautifully 😍

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in reply to precioce

Yes I have just registered with temping agencies - was a bit slow as my first trimester combined with the heat I had no energy.

Hopefully I can do temping right up until I need to leave for maternity.

Yes sounds good that there are 2nd hand clubs for baby and maternity clothes. I am going to look in my area.

Thanks for responding.

Xxx

precioce
precioce
in reply to Hidden

There really is lots of lovely stuff out there as they grow so quickly! My agency have said that they will keep placing me as long as I want to. Best of luck.xx

Oh yes, definitely been there! On both counts really - couldn't relax about the pregnancy until about week 20 and told very few people cos I thought something was bound to go wrong. Also with money, my husband doesn't get paid loads and I only work part time. Because we are having twins our childcare costs are going to be astronomical! My wage will barely cover it so then I wonder if its even worth me going back to work. I've just decided to see what happens. If there is one piece of advice I can give you is not to spend loads of money on new baby stuff. I know its tempting because baby is so special and precious but my friend told me that her buying everything second hand gave her an extra 6 months off work. I've heard of people spending £1000's on buggies etc - we're having twins and we've spent about £200 (buggy, car seats, cots, clothes, the lot all x 2!!). It can be done! On the work front I'd really like to have a little business from home, but I'm gonna see how it pans out. Its really all you can do at this stage - you might feel very different in a years time. So don't worry, we've all been there. Have you managed to find out if you're entitled to anything yet? Xx

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in reply to Lilli79

Ah thanks for your message - it is making me see that it is possible to be frugal. We are already joking that I am going to start sewing the babies clothes! (I am a designer) but realistically I think we are happy with anything friends and family donate equipment wise and clothes.

I am the same that my OH doesn't have a big salary so we just need to be resourceful.

I think we can do it.

Just need to get this little one out healthy as that is our main goal :)

Xxx

Lilli79
Lilli79
in reply to Hidden

Yeah you can definitely do it!! 💪💪I'm not sure what other ladies think but I went to one nct course on twins and it really didn't tell me anything that a book couldn't tell me. I am frugal to the nth degree and I was a bit annoyed that I forked out 50 quid for it. On the other hand the free NHS classes are brilliant, hopefully you have some in your area - your midwife should be able to advise. So basically saying don't feel you have to spend loads of money on classes etc. Good luck in the job centre, hope they can give you some positive info xxx

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in reply to Lilli79

Yes I registered for the free nhs antenatal so hopefully that is all I need.

Thanks for your support.

Your little twins are lucky to have you!!

Xxx

Lilli79
Lilli79
in reply to Hidden

Lol, as long as they don't mind everything being second hand!! 😆

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in reply to Lilli79

Ps I have an appointment with the jobcentre on Monday so will ask them about potential entitlements.

Xxx

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