Trying to stay calm

[RidleyNL]

So we are on our second official round of ivf (our last round was cancelled/abandoned) and I’m trying to keep calm ahead of my scan tomorrow morning - as this is the point when they found fluid last time and we had to abandon. This process is just so unbelievably fraught with obstacles and moments when things can go wrong! It’s been so hard to explain to my family and friends why I don’t feel blithely optimistic going into this round, and why am so sceptical that ivf will ever work for us when it just seems like such a cruel, unfathomable lottery at the best of times. Sigh. Sending love to everyone out there wherever you are on this crazy journey xx

[Lou7744]

Aww... sending you lots of positive vibes for tomorrow 💕 xx

[RidleyNL in reply to Lou7744]

Thank you 💛✨💛 xx

[CC2018]

Sending you prayers all will be ok xx

[Dunla]

Good luck with your scan today 🍀 I fully understand what yourself saying about optimism and IVF. Well meaning friends and family just don’t understand our trepidation when embarking on a new cycle. Fingers crossed for you today xx

[Hidden]

Good luck. I totally understand how stressful that can be. Sending you big hugs and lots of luck for this morning x

[RidleyNL]

Thank you all for your sweet words, I love how supportive this forum is 💛 So it’s done and I’m already out of the scanning room. My lining is 7.12mm so just under. They want me to carry on with patches and now oral oestrogen and go back Friday for another scan. The thing that’s worrying me is that she still saw what looked like fluid in the cavity 😫, but said as I’ve so recently had a hysteroscopy, that it’s ‘probably nothing’. 🧐 Full expecting to go back on Friday to find the situation is worse and we have to abandon again. Also Friday is after my natural ovulation date which is when I thought they tried to time FET (if I was a textbook ivf case, which I’m clearly not!). Gah so many unknowns through all this, it’s utter madness. Sorry for rambling on.. sending hugs to all you lovelies xx

[Hidden]

Good news. You are not too far off and lots of people have extra days. I don't think that there is a text book ivfer! That's why we need the forum ha ha xx

[RidleyNL in reply to Hidden]

Ah so true! Thanks for the pep talk, not feeling confident given the fluid appearance but you never know... sometimes miracles happen haha xx

[Refocus]

Best of luck for Friday, sending you lots of positive thoughts. I have my scan on Wednesday (first round of IVF) and had/have no idea about all the things that can go wrong before even the egg collection!! Xxx

[RidleyNL in reply to Refocus]

Thank you.. how did you get on today? There are so many hurdles along the way, some people breeze through and others don’t so hope you’re one of the lucky ones! xxx

[Refocus in reply to RidleyNL]

Cancelled 😔. I had an unexpectedly poor response with only two follicles large enough. He said I can do a back to back cycle so it softens the blow that I can try again in about 2 weeks time. Its unbelievably gutting though. X

[RidleyNL in reply to Refocus]

I’m so sorry to hear that. Even if you know it might happen, it’s such a massive blow and knock to your confidence when it happens. Really empathise. It’s a small consolation prize but that is great that you don’t have to wait too long, will cross everything for you that it goes well next time xx

[Hidden]

Good luck Ridley, I so understand how you feel... just try to stay calm and not to be too optimistic or pessimistic... ahahah so easy to day isn't it? Yes it's a crazy process. I wish you my very best!!! Let me know how you get along... xxx

[RidleyNL in reply to Hidden]

It IS crazy, so much more so than I realised. Thanks for the well wishes, fingers toes and everything else crossed to even get to the transfer stage now.. xxx

[Hidden in reply to RidleyNL]

I know... I have two friends who were successful and made me believe it was quite easy! Good luck!! xxx

[RidleyNL in reply to Hidden]

I grit my teeth when friends tell me positive ivf stories, I’m sure these fairies do exist but I’ve yet to meet one myself! And the truth is that most of us have been through hell and back to even get to ivf in the first place 🤦‍♀️ It really is impossible to understand it if you haven’t been through it. I’m beginning to appreciate the term ‘ivf warrior’ more and more as time goes by 😬🤪 xx

[Hidden in reply to RidleyNL]

Ah I did not know that term... well here I am, scan today at day 9, lining at 3 mm... sigh. It's gone on holiday I think. But now I know I am a "warrior" Cheers! xxx

[RidleyNL in reply to Hidden]

Oh no.. am so sorry. It’s so hard to understand why our bodies behave in such strange ways ☹️ What did they say? Are you carrying on with stims? xx

[Hidden in reply to RidleyNL]

thanks... no I am not using hormones for now as they did not work before... and I was doing better without, so I thought things were heading in the right direction. I will have another scan next week to see whether anything is happening. If not, I might try again with estradiol pills or patches but not sure they will work. How are things going for you now? I remember you also had some difficulties with the lining. Any luck? If so, what did you do? Hug xxx

[RidleyNL in reply to Hidden]

Yes my lining has generally been a challenge because of fibroids.. and they cancelled my cycle in February because my lining was getting thinner on oestrogen, not thicker! That was also the cycle where they found fluid so with these two things going badly, they decided to cancel and I went for another hysteroscopy.

This time my lining isn’t such a challenge, and yesterday my consultant drained away the fluid they’ve found so we are going ahead. I started progesterone today and, again all being well, we go for transfer on Friday. Still some hurdles ahead so am not taking anything for granted at any stage! Such a crazy ride, I think I am going to have to meditate the crap out of this week to get through it! 🤪🤪 Big hugs and luck to you with the next step, keep me posted xx

[Hidden in reply to RidleyNL]

I see... tough ride. Thanks for info. I guess they saw the fibroids with the scan before doing the hysteroscopy? Best of luck for Friday, very exciting! Great that the lining issue has been solved...

[Hidden]

All the best for tomorrow’s scan. There are so many delays & hurdles we cross. Fingers crossed it’s okay and you can have your transfer xoxo

[RidleyNL in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jess, praying for some kind of positive news. Hope you’re doing ok xx

[RidleyNL]

Hello you lovely lot, just to update you and share info with anyone who has recurring fluid, the 🎢 continues... this morning my lining was only at 7.4mm despite extra stims for a few days. And guess what, the fluid was still there 🤦‍♀️ the sonographer wasn’t very optimistic and said it was highly like we’d have to cancel. Even though I was expecting it, was still absolutely gutting. But then my consultant rang me at lunch to say ‘it’s only a few milimetres of fluid’ and he is going to try to aspirate it. So back to clinic tomorrow morning! If it works (🤞) we might be able go to transfer and start me on progesterone. But let’s see, hopes are most definitely not ‘up’ given my track record 😬🤪🎢🎢🎢 but just wanted to say thanks again for everyone’s sweet words, you’ve helped keep me going over the last few days xxx

[Babywaiting]

Just reading your story and wanted to wish you luck. I just had my cycle cancelled on Monday at the down regulation scan. They said my hormones started to incrase slightly so best to wait to next month. It is so true what they say about the ivf rollercoaster. You are constantly bracing yourself for the next dip and turn, whilst constantly trying to protect yourself from the falls. It is exhausting. Wishing you lots of luck that they can get you over this hump and onto the straight run. Xx

[RidleyNL in reply to Babywaiting]

Yes, you describe it so accurately. Bracing yourself and the anxiety of it all is so exhausting. Oh you poor thing, cancelled cycles have such an impact, and they often aren’t handled very sensitively by clinic staff either. I hope yours were kind about it. My heart goes out to you, wishing you so much luck too 💕xx