Trying to stay calm

[Michael30]

Hey, I am new on here and in the middle of a frozen cycle (scan booked in for next week, to see how the meds are taking). After falling pregnant at the beginning of the year with ICSI, we were over the moon, but sadly our baby was not well at all (we found out at the 13 week scan) and a longer story short, after what was the hardest decision of my life, we decided to terminate our pregnancy at 14 weeks. I have never felt such pain and heartache, but now we are back on the IVF journey again, trying to stay calm and not over analyse everything!! I just wondered if anyone had experienced anything like this and therefore had any tips on trying to stay positive and calm after knowing how bad things ended up with us before. I am trying to keep my anxiousness under control, but sadly it is very hard. I always thought the only hurdle was to get a positive result, now it seems it is not the only hurdle

[Littlebird77]

Hi michael30, I'm so sorry for your loss I can't imagine how difficult was for you to make such a decision. Probably was for the best but still very painful. I went through ICSI last year and I miscarried at 10 weeks. It was quite dramatic just feeling that my little hope was falling out and nothing could have been done... now I'm in my second round of ICSI...2ww!! I understand how you feel about being anxious...just try to stay positive (I'm saying that to myself too!!😉) we know that we are able to conceive and we will do it again girl!! Just try to find something that relax you. Acupunture has been good for me. Big hug!!

[Michael30 in reply to Littlebird77]

Thanks for replying to me Littlebird77. I am also so sorry for your loss, it really is a tough road isn't it? Oh wow...the dreaded 2ww how are you doing? It is a fresh cycle or frozen you are on at the moment? I admire your strength and am trying to keep as positive as you sound. I always have acupuncture too and defo thinks it helps! Thank you xx

[Littlebird77 in reply to Michael30]

It's a fresh cycle. Two little blasts in!! I maybe sound positive but yesterday I was crying my eyes off 😂 I just wanted to cheer you up because I thought you need it. What we are going through is a tough life experience but hopefully with happy ending. Just keep distracted and let me know how you getting on.xxx

[Michael30 in reply to Littlebird77]

Oh bless you! I don't think anyone goes through IVF and doesn't cry their eyes out at some point...its all part of it as far as I'm concerned Thank you very much, it always helps, I think, talking so please feel free to message me at any point. Sending you the most positive vibes I can and wishing you all the best of luck! xxx

[Hidden in reply to Littlebird77]

Would just like to say I'm sorry for both of your losses, it's not easy at all. Wishing you the best of luck in all this, just try to remain determined and positive and you'll get through it. xx

[Michael30 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!! xxx

[Cinderella5]

Oh Michael, so utterly devastating! I havent been in your position so cant really offer any advice apart from going one day at a time which is probably easier said than done! Sending support and hugs!xx

[Michael30 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much! You are 100% right it is all about taking one day at a time and that is what helped me focus at the beginning of the year, as I honestly never thought I was going to feel 'ok' ish again. I will never be quite the same, but I have definitely gotten stronger than I was in January, so thank you. Its just about not panicking too much or worrying that if we were lucky enough to fall again, it happening again as I honestly don't think I could go through that again xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Michael30]

Im sure you're right you arent the same person but you are fighting on and that's what's important.....you are stronger than you realise! Wishing you all the best in this new cycle....sending positive vibes!xx

[Michael30 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you! xxx

[precioce]

Hi there, really sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortunately me and my husband have been where you are. We got pregnant on our first round of ICSI in 2015 and at the 12 week scan it was found out that our baby was very poorly, turned out to be Edwards Syndrome and we also made the heart breaking decision to end the pregnancy and suffer so our baby didn't have to. We learned the lesson, as you mention, that getting pregnant is not the end game but rather one of the milestones. We chose to have a funeral for our little girl and we really like talking about her lots as it helps us to remember her, even now nearly 3 years later. We also took a break before the next treatment and then went back in eyes wide open partly reassured that we could get pregnant and partly terrified of what would happen if we did again. We talk to each other a lot, much more than we used to before and we have become stronger and we know we are not on our own even if at times it has seemed like we are on an island for two. Mostly we have been very kind to ourselves throughout continuing treatment. It hasn't been easy but I am very glad that we did keep going together. We are now 14 weeks pregnant and all scans and tests, including private NIFTY tests, have come back very low risk. I share our story so that it may give you hope for your family to come. Take care.xx

[Littlebird77 in reply to precioce]

Oh thanks for sharing your story. It really give us hope to keep going. All the best!!!

[precioce in reply to Littlebird77]

Thank you and really hope you achieve your dream.xx

[Michael30 in reply to precioce]

Oh my goodness my eyes filled up as soon as I started to read your post. Firstly I am also so very sorry for your loss. We had a very similar situation, our baby had a hole in her heart, which we were told looked as bad as it could at such an early stage and then a couple of days later she was confirmed also with Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). We also had a funeral for our baby girl and I honestly almost feel like I wasn't there when I look back on this time, but of course the heartache reminds me. Your story, although makes me unbelievable sad and sorry that you both had to go through this, filled me with so much hope and belief, so thank you so much! We haven't waited too long, but we did take a holiday after the funeral, which helped to just be away from every day to day same sights etc. We are, as stated, waiting for the transfer date and I am just so scared of freaking out. I don't want to upset anyone on here as obviously to find out we were pregnant again is all we want and wish for, but I am so scared of the anxiety that comes, after that, if we are lucky to get that far. Do you mind me asking what tests you had? How did you cope before your first scan, if you don't mind me asking? I should maybe have private messaged you? Sorry! I am new to this site and still working out how it all works CONGRATULATIONS though I am so happy for you both! Well and truly deserved xxx

[precioce in reply to Michael30]

You're welcome, I hope I didn't upset you more. So sorry to hear how poorly she was. She is at peace now. You really do have to keep hope which can be so hard at times. Also do what is right for you, holiday sounds like just the thing. For me when i was going through further treatment I liked to think of Emma (our lost little girl) looking over us waiting for her baby brother or sister. It used to give me comfort and help me keep calm and have the strength to keep going. The waiting for the 12 week scan has not been easy but the clinic were great with us and gave us an extra 9 week scan and then we had another scan before the NIFTY bloods were taken so we had a lot of chances to be reassured by our baby's growth before the 12 weeks. I also feel a lot worse than when I was pregnant with Emma which I find reassuring. We used a recommended clinic that offered the NIFTY test to run tests on my blood to see get accurately if there was anything wrong with the baby. Edward's is often not picked up until a lot later, in that respect we were lucky as she was clearly very poorly. You have have this type of test from 10 weeks and it's a lot more accurate than the NHS test if you would like extra reassurance. Feel free to DM me any time and thank you for your congratulations. Best of luck for your transfer and the 2WW.xx

[Michael30 in reply to precioce]

You didn't upset me at all, reassured me more like, thank you so much. Will send you a message. Thank you xxx

[elle80]

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, I can't imagine how upsetting that was for you! 😘

I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, I'm a massive worrier of 'what if's' and my anxiety is through the roof right now 🤪

I just wanted to send some love and wish you all the best with your frozen cycle. Xx

[Michael30 in reply to elle80]

Thank you so much! I sound very much like you with the 'what if's' and I haven't even had the transfer yet! God help me! Are you in the middle of a cycle? xx

[elle80 in reply to Michael30]

No, I'm nearly 9 weeks.. But I've worried ever since egg collection!! I've booked a private scan for next week because I can't shift the negative thoughts. I really do sympathise with what you're going through, feeling anxious all the time is awful, especially as you've already been through so much heartache already. I've read some ladies on here speaking about an ivf mindful app that's supposed to be good.. Maybe worth a try xx

[Michael30 in reply to elle80]

Oh bless you! Defo sound like me, try to relax though as you wont get to once the little one is here Good that you have booked in for a scan though, that will put your mind at ease, I think. Ohhh I will defo have a look, thank you xx

[elle80 in reply to Michael30]

Good luck and feel free to chat on here anytime. All the wonderful women on here have helped so much xx

[Hidden]

Please don’t lose faith, this is a tough, painful road and takes true strength to keep on!! I had to terminate my baby at 14 weeks in 2016 for the same reason 😢 this followed 2 previous missed miscarriages and more surgery. We took our time to grieve then cracked on again stronger than ever. After another 3 early miscarriage following the 14 week loss we are now 11 weeks pregnant and on our 6th cycle of ivf. I wish you all the luck in the world and pray this is your time!! You will be ok and you will get there xxx

[Snowlady]

Can I ask why did you have to terminate the pregnancy at 14 weeks what was wrong with your baby??? Xx xx I'm so sorry you u had to go through this. Xx

[Keepingfaith85 in reply to Snowlady]

Hi I spotted that this post was from 2 years ago so not sure whether it might be a painful reminder to ask this question. I know that you probably thought it was a recent post and meant well... just couldn't help saying as if it were me I'd be shocked and upset to see an old post again, especially one as sensitive as this xxx