BFN again.. exhausted.. plus hard to cope with others' good fortune

[Coracle]

Hi all. I'm afraid our recent DE transfer has proved negative. We are pretty exhausted of the whole ivf process... I am 45, we had 4 embryo transfers with my own embryos, then a previous DE cycle with awful looking blastocysts put back.. now this latest one with new donor, and looked promising.. but sadly not to be. We have 2 ok looking blastocysts in freezer.

Meanwhile, I decided not to go to a baby shower yesterday, and we have just been told that friends of ours have had their baby. 9 months ago with wife aged 41, they succeeded on their very first round of ivf. Just one egg collected which managed to go all the way! Miracles do happen! They even managed to get it NHS funded!

I am of course so glad for them, but today hearing this I cried and cried and cried (which was probably very good for me!) Why is life so cruel? Why O why O why on one of the 6 embryo transfers we have had over the last 3 years has one not worked?! Why were WE not so fortunate?? It is so hard when we are still on this awful journey that they had just ONE go....ONE GO... and now have a baby and starting a whole new life and adventure... and here we still are! If our last round before this had worked we would have a baby too right now. That is what makes it so hard... to compare our situations right now.

Sorry, just a venting splurge. There are no answers, and I know many of you are in the same place as me. I am starting to feel bit better, and remind myself there are two in the freezer... but we will think carefully before trying again after that I think.

So so sad that I did not meet Mr Right earlier and was not married earlier and children earlier... so hard to be also close friends with someone in their 20s about to pop out baby number 2.

Sorry, a wail and a vent. xx

[SBeanbag]

My sympathies to you on all fronts, life is cruel. I hope you are managing to take time out from work ( I do the same job). Remember we are not invincible and when you feel like this it is difficult to have the emotional capacity to give to others. Feel free to message me. X

[Coracle in reply to SBeanbag]

Thanks a lot. Yes, hubby encouraged me to stop my salaried job last Nov and I then had a few months off. Been doing light locum work since then. But trying not to feel anxious/guilty about not working much! But trying to embrace it and get house/admin/garden in order! Best of luck to you too x

[SBeanbag in reply to Coracle]

Don’t feel guilty about not working - I would do the same except I’m a partner so not easy to duck out. Hope you can have more mental timeout before getting back on the fertility rollercoaster xx

[elle80]

This place is great to let off steam, so vent away!

Although everyone's journey and experiences on here are very individual, we are all wanting the same outcome.. And so can understand how you must be feeling right now.

I'm really sorry to hear all that you have gone through and wish I knew what to say to make you feel better!

Just wanted to send you some love and I'll keep everything crossed that those frozen embryos give you your happy ending.

Good luck xx

[Coracle in reply to elle80]

Thanks so much. Has helped to read folks' replies, thank you xx

[72cloud9]

So sorry hun, these are indeed tough times and if u can’t let off steam here, where can u? This is the best place to let it all out. I🙏🏻 That when u r ready to try your Frosties that they give u your miracle xxx

[Coracle in reply to 72cloud9]

Thanks so much. xx

[Cinderella5]

Ahhh Im so sorry Coracle. It is tough to see everyone else popping out sprogs much younger than us at the drop of a hat. You just feel like screaming "when is it my turn". Rant all you like to us, I know if doesnt help much but it does feel better to get it out and nobody understands better than we do! Sending love and hugs.xx

[Coracle in reply to Cinderella5]

Thanks so much Cinders. It has helped today having a rant and receiving caring understanding replies! Good luck for wherever you are on the saga at the moment xx

[Hidden]

Just wanted to say totally feel your pain my manager has just gone and got pregnant after 1 ivf round ( she's younger and skinnyer than me). She's just come back off the sick and she has a bump, I'm happy for her but I lost the plot and started blubbing everywhere, I said to my hubby why don't I deserve to be pregnant as well I've been through 4 rounds of ivf ☹.

What I'm trying to say is no need to apologise for venting as we have all felt it at some point.

Sending you huge hugs and hoping your frosties bring u a BFP xx

[Coracle in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much. Lots of love to you too.... I think work situations are particularly hard, it can suddenly catch you off guard, and it is so hard to hold it all together... and ok if you can't! Love to you too and on your next steps xx

[Hidden in reply to Coracle]

Thank you, it's unbelivable hard , today I've learnt to focus on her face and nothing else 🤣 it's made it a bit easier.

We all certainly deserve our dreams to come true as we go through so much xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Oh Coracle I’m so sorry. 😢

[2-shades-of-hope]

I’m so sorry, it’s really cruel and painful and it makes no sense. One of my pregnant colleagues is due the same time I would have been had my IVF worked - all the baby talk is painful 🙄

[Coracle in reply to 2-shades-of-hope]

So sorry, that is grim. My hubby has found a similar situation at work so hard. xx

[Hidden]

Vent away hunny we feel ur pain....

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear how you're feeling its horrible this whole journey. Ive had 2 rounds with my own eggs but not enough to fertilise. Im moving on to donor now but dream of the day when they say i have some to freeze! Our friends have had 2 or 3 kids since we started this journey 3 and half yrs ago. Everyones journey is different and i suppose we dont know what everyone is going through. Sending hugs x

[Coracle in reply to Hidden]

Ah, so sorry you didn't get eggs to fertilise. Really hope you have positive time with donor eggs. The whole thing is so tough isn't it! Am glad we can share here and encourage each other and empathise with the tough times. Thank you xx

[Hidden in reply to Coracle]

Im so dopey that was meant to say not enough embies to freeze. We only ended up with 3 fertilised eggs from both rounds. Only 2 survived for embryo transfer. Double embie transfer failed to implant 😓 yeah im glad i came across this site Xx

[Autumnmoon]

So sorry for your disappintment life is cruel and unfair x

[Aleelilook]

Oh Coracle I’m so sorry😔 it is just so cruel and bloody unfair and quite frankly shitty (massive understatement). Just know you are not alone, sending healing and positive thoughts xxxx

[Coracle in reply to Aleelilook]

Thanks Aleelilook. So grateful for our FNUK community. xx

[Mona12345]

Hi dear...How are you ? Is everything settled down now ....I am on 2ww after ivf failed and this is my fet cycle and no embryos left to freeze....To over come from that I was searching for post and came to read about your post....I cried reading your post ....It's same as I am undergoing ....It's very difficult to go to baby shower and other functions and see everyone succeeding with one cycle success....Hope your doing well.....Love you