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Fertility Network UK
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The request for funding is in...

I'll apologise now if this comes across the wrong way. I might sound like a completely insensitive cow, I don't mean to but I need to get this off my chest.

So we went and saw the consultant the other day and she said we are now at the point where we've had all the testing etc and IVF is now the option, she put the request for funding in and we're now just waiting for an appt and our paperwork to come through... my husband is so happy and so excited and I don't know how I feel.

I'm happy he's happy but at the same time he still doesn't understand what an impact on my career this will have on me. I have the opportunity to do something amazing next year in my job but that opportunity will be withdrawn as I have to be area restricted for IVF. We've had the conversation and I told him straight I'm not ready to leave my job but he told me I was selfish and this wasn't just about me. If we're lucky enough to get pregnant he can go back to his job, his career exactly where he was but I have to completely start again. If we aren't successful I will have missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime to please him because he didn't want to wait.

This sounds terrible because I know deep down I would love to have a child but it's the fact that there is no guarantee of having one and it's my life and my career that is going to be affected by the IVF process and all the appointments and he doesn't get it. I know I'm being selfish but I don't know how I can make him see my side. He's been telling everyone it's going to be such a hardship for him when all he needs to do is produce a sample. He seems to forget it's my body, my emotions, my work, my life that is going to be massively affected. Does anyone have any advice to try and help me to get him to understand my position? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you x

12 Replies
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I hear ya! And I think many women feel the same. I got made redundant as we started IVF and was trying to look for a job in my existing field again. I couldn't go for anything that involved travel which is basically everything in my area of Fashion.....

At the time my consultant basically said I have to choose to put my career for a later date as baby was last chance scenario due to my age.

Frustrating as my OH doesn't need to change anything and his career is moving along nicely.

I am early days after my BFP and feeling good - I have decided to retrain during my pregnancy for another design discipline that has less travel and really excited.

I am happy to have a new chapter as when I was honest with myself the environment of extreme stress I was working in wasn't good for me.

I cannot give you advice just share my experience. You have to do what you feel is right for you - depends on your age and what you want for your life.

Don't feel pressured into doing IVF if you are not ready.

Xxx

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Thank you, I think the worst bit is how disappointed my husband would be if he actually listened! The other worry we have is that they're reducing all NHS funding quite dramatically and if we waited a year would we even get funding, I don't think he would ever talk to me again if that happened.

I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this. I just don't want us to grow apart!

Congratulations on your bfp and I hope your new career path goes wonderfully x

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It is a very difficult one - the hard thing is you have to think long term and if you want to risk loosing out...

I am sure you can talk it through.

Maybe go for IVF, freeze the embryo and use them at a later date for frozen cycles?

Then you have younger ones for when you are ready.

Hope you can sort it - it is a hard decision.

Xxx

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Thank you, unfortunately in our area the funding only covers fresh transfers with frozen transfers if the fresh transfer doesn't work. I've spoken to a few people at work who I trust their opinion and they asked me what is more important to me, a family or this opportunity and when put like that it would be a family xx

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I feel your pain. But I suppose you have your answer there.

I hope you can have your family and your career too.

Best of Luck!

Xxx

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Hi, that sounds like a tough situation to be in. It might or might not be right for you, but Do you know you can do the IVF and store embryos in the `freezer', then come back to them in a year or more? the chance of success at that point is the same, even though you've got older, because the quality of the egg is kept at the point it was frozen. Maybe if you have an amazing career opportunity next year that is one way around it. The actual IVF, depending on what protocol you're on, doesn't actually take that long, usually a couple of weeks. You pay an annual storage fee to keep the embryos but it's not a huge amount. I'm doing this delaying, it's not what I originally wanted but my parter is younger and not at all ready to start a family, but my fertility is dropping, so I agreed to this as a compromise.

But I should add it was a long journey for us to get to this compromise! Lots of talking and crazy conversations and time to allow the emotional shifts and understand how you feel about things.

Xxx

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Hi, thank you for your reply, unfortunately in our area the funding only covers fresh transfers with frozen transfers if the fresh cycle doesn't work. I've spoken to a few people at work who have put things into perspective for me and have basically said although this is a brilliant work opportunity this is also our chance to have a baby and which do I want more, and put like that it would be a baby. I hope when you have your cycle it's a success x

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Hiya! Like others I don't know if I can give advice but rather give my perspective. I work in an area which requires travel and this is normally to countries which are either insecure or have high malaria. About 2 weeks ago, on the day we went for our first consultation with the clinic (and we are NHS funded as well), I got a phone call offering me the job of my dreams. I'm not sure how old you are but I just turned 38 2 days after the same day of the clinic appointment and the job offer so I am also very conscious of what my age means for both IVF and career! I spoke with the clinic doctor straight away as I was especially worried about the potential stress of taking on a new job and the chance of travel during IVF. Like you discuss, I have decided that I don't want to put my life on hold when there is such a great opportunity in front of me for work so I have accepted the new job and have organised to have three weeks off between jobs which we are pretty sure is when the transfer will happen for IVF. I have also decided to request the maternity policy for my new organisation so that if we are successful I am aware of what the maternity benefits are. In my current role I have been very open with my manager and explained that during the process of IVF while I am still here I will have hospital appointments and need to manage my stress levels - my manager has been beyond supportive in this. My husband is also supportive of my decision to take the new role as he knows work is a passion of mine and that this opportunity is huge for me. But he is also supporting me to keep a work/life balance and was the one who suggested having 3 weeks off between jobs so that I can just chill out during transfer time. I hope this helps - I totally understand where you are coming from and all the best with your decisions.

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Thank you for your reply, your husband sounds very supportive of your career and IVF. I hope your cycle works x

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Hi

May I ask what area of work you are in that will be restricted? Is the opportunity with your current employer?

Like the ladies above have said they actual treatment process is fairly short, 3 to 6 weeks depending on protocol. Another thing to consider is that once you get to the fertility clinic they often want to repeat test and there may be a wait for appointments and treatment, so your treatment may not be for a while. Took 4 months for me and I only needed bloods and a baseline ultrasound scan. Second thing is once you are in the system you can delay your treatment a bit. Not sure for how long but my clinic certainly have asked us when we want to start treatment. So with both of those things it could easily take you 6 months or more to get to the actual treatment date. Is there a waiting list in your area? If so could be even longer.

Good luck with your decision.

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Thank you for your comment. It's my current job and I would be area restricted so this would affect my promotion and also long term career options.

We saw the consultant and they said they can get us in quite quickly once funding has been approved. Unfortunately I got told today it's been rejected so were now trying to re-tick all their boxes with the same information just presented in a different way. Thanks again for your advice

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Oh Ok. Our clinic also said it would be quick. Still took 4 months to treatment with no waiting list. Hope you can get all the tests repeated in a timely fashion if that is what you want.

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