4 weeks on..

Hi everyone we're 4 weeks on from our chemical pregnancy on our 4th cycle of IVF and absolutely no clearer as to what to do next. We said we'd give ourselves some time out to get our individual heads together, have a break from all things fertility & treatment and just have some fun without injections and appointments and waits etc etc etc. We have been devastated but also done some lovely things the past couple of weeks and started to feel like ourselves again..

The only thing is, we thought we'd be s bit clearer by now what to do next and we're really not! Is it still too soon? Previously we've always had a plan because we were so so lucky to have 3 funded cycles of IVF on the NHS but now we can only realistically afford 1 more cycle and we're not sure it's worth the risk of losing all that money, especially if nothing different is done, how can we expect a different outcome πŸ˜•

I'd be happy to take more time but I'm 39 1/2 and just feel like time isn't on our side..we don't know whether to go for NK cell testing (I have endometriosis and am convinced it's that that is preventing implantation or development once it does implant, as has happened on this last cycle) or start looking into adoption..but we're not 100%.sure about that either.

It's so hard! How did you ladies know what to do next, did it come with time or did you just know?

I've also got a big BBQ at my brothers this weekend for his birthday, and really not looking forward to it. There will be numerous children there and people who know what we've been through, and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to manage it well. I just want to hide away from them all! I don't want to let my brother down as he is a good support to us though. Any tips on how you get through these things will be much appreciated and sorry for the long post πŸ™ˆ Xx

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  • It's so hard to know what is the right decision to make, I would say explore all options and give yourself a bit more time.

    As for the BBQ you will prob dread going but end up having a nice time when there xxx

  • Thanks button, we do need to explore everything..it just doesn't help that we haven't even received an appointment letter for a follow up yet, my clinic (I think you've been there previously) can be a bit lacking when it comes to the admin side of things πŸ˜•

    You're probably right about the BBQ, once I get initially seeing everyone out of the way. I wish we'd only told parents & siblings now, I hate the pity but at the time thought we've nothing to be ashamed of. Hey ho!

    Hope you're ok after your little fright, is all ok? Xx

  • Ah yes that clinic staff and treatment where fantastic couldn't fault them but the admin side was shocking, phone up and chase it up. I used to phone for everything πŸ™ŠπŸ™Š

    I still have mild bleeding only when I wipe, so still worried sick but literally nothing I can do apart from rest, on a positive we did see the heartbeat and I haven't had any pains etc so just hoping and praying really xx

  • I totally agree about the staff, the treatment itself I cannot fault but then it all goes to pot 😩 I'm there tomorrow for counselling so will chase it up then, the counsellor is brilliant too and will often look into it for me ☺️

    Oh I so hope it's just nothing, are you resting up? No pain is definitely a good thing so everything crossed xx

  • I haven't left the house for 3 days lol, my mil comes to walk the dog 3 times a day as hubby is at work.Going to go for a gentle, short walk tomorrow though as going stir crazy xx

  • Glad you're resting but it is tough, I'm definitely not good at that either! Hope your walk is nice tomorrow, very gentle and short ok!! πŸ˜‰ xx

  • Yes defo will only be a 10 minute one just need a change of seneory xx

  • It's such a hard decision to make, I honestly think time and talking is a great help..I was so sure after my 3rd cycle failed that I couldn't put myself through it again but after speaking to my consultant yesterday I left feeling surprisingly positive about starting a 4th. I've given myself more time in between these 2 than any of more others and the support from this forum gives me a different outlook for when I start my next cycle.

    I totally understand about the BBQ I'm exactly the same but normally find I make myself worse and when I get there it's not to bad - hopefully it'll be the same for you xx

  • Thanks for advice Hun, glad your appointment went well and has brought positivity, lots of luck with your 4th πŸ™πŸ»

    You're probably right about the BBQ, I'll just try not to think about it too much before then and I'm sure everyone isn't thinking about us! Xx

  • Hey hun, I'm glad you are feeling a little bit better it all takes time. I spoke to my consultant about NK cells yesterday and he didnt mind me getting this tested. I am going to go Warwick university hospital. It will be a 2 hour drive for me but it's cheaper than London!!! My consultant said that he feels my endromesosis is making my womb inflamed hence why the implantation didn't take place. So we're going to try things differently next time with my FET x

  • Thanks for your reply hun, we're thinking of doing the same, it's about 2 hours for us too, be worth it for the answers either way for you I've no doubt. My doc also said the same about endo & inflammation. It's the reason I tried prostap for 3 months but obviously that wasn't enough. I think he'll suggest another laparoscopy if we want to do a 5th cycle but I need to decide if I want to put myself through that again first..so many decisions!

    Are you booked in at Warwick? Hope it goes well and means success for your next cycle πŸ™πŸ» xx

  • Thanks hun, I hope it does aswell. Basically my plan is to have the test done t Warwick and see what the results are...I was asked to try the endro scratch next time aswell and be on bursellin for 14 days to help calm the endo. As I have 4 frosites they want to try it this way for 2 goes, and if it still dosent work then they want me to have lapscropsy done (AGAIN!!!) but I have decided aginst doing more surgery. I cant face going through it again for the 3rd time. It is too much pain and emotional stress. My consultant said if the NK cells come back as being high then he will prescribe me a low dose of steriods. But me and husband are taking a break now, I just want to live life again. It may be that we decide to get the NK tests done in a few months as they ideally want you to have two periods after failed treatment. AlsoI want my body to rest. Hope your ok...I totally understand your pain x

  • It's great that you have a plan and definitely that you're having a break, I think I'd have had a breakdown by now if we hadn't had a break and some normality and fun between cycles!

    I've tried the endo scratch and didn't find it bad at all so hopefully it's the same for you. I totally understand about more surgery, it's such a lot to put yourself through especially if the cycle after that doesn't work as well then, that's my concern.

    I'm going to speak to our consultant as well about NK cells (when we can finally get to see him 😩) and ensure they would prescribe the treatment then make a decision from there.

    Hope you enjoy your break, do you have any trips & nice things to look forward to? Xx

  • Oh no Hun, are you NHS? On my first cycle we had to wait ages for our follow up appointment but now we are private we could have got a next day appointment!! I do like my consultant but I just hope the changes he recommended that they will work!! I'm off to Norway tomorrow as my husband is going there for work so we decided to make a long weekend of it. Looking forward to it!! Do keep in touch as our stories and journeys are very similar with the endo xx

  • Yes that was the last of our NHS funding, I don't want to be negative because we've been so so lucky to have 3 cycles and I'm well aware that's not the case for everyone sadly. It's just hard to wait so long when it's something so important to you and you're not getting any younger!

    Have a great time in Norway, that'll be lovely. Have a few drinks and whatever you want to eat..bliss!

    Yes let's definitely keep one another posted xx

  • It's really hard to decide what to do or whether to carry on treatment especially when the medical professionals can't give definate answers as to why treatment fails. We decided to cease after 3 rounds of ICSI at almost 42. I couldn't face any more tests, treatment or failed treatment. Hubby would have liked to try again but he said I got to make the final decision as I had to go through all the prodding etc. We had to self fund due to age cut off and I still feel dissapointed we spent so much money and tried DE for round 3 and nothing to show for it. Plus the emotional impact of treatment and failures and having our lives on hold for 2 years.

    Only you know what you can put yourself through, financially & emotionally. It might be worth getting a second opinion at another clinic. Make sure you have copies of everything from your current clinic to take with you.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

    Hope the bbq goes better than you expect.

  • Thanks for your support and advice pm, that's what I'm really worried about..that not only will we be devastated at any more failures but having spent all that money with nothing to show for it too. I think I'll end up feeling pretty resentful and don't know whether to just draw a line under it all now and use the money we'd spend on moving house..which we've wanted to do for a while but like you say, your life is on hold and you stay put 'just in case' πŸ˜•

    How are you finding it since you decided to cease treatment? I've no doubt it's been a process and very tough, hope it's getting easier with time xx

  • The hurt has lessened with time but things still get to me, eg colleague recently became a grandma. She did check I was OK to look at photos which was thoughtful of her.

    We were fortunate that we had savings we could use. There's no point me resenting spending the money as it's likely I'd have wondered "What if we tried IVF?" but it is SO expensive!

  • I hear you..

    I have endo and my last laparoscopy was in 2013.

    We had two NHS fresh and one frozen round...2 miscarriages.

    Had various tests with NHS for recurrent miscarriages, including blood nk cells and karyotype....nothing.

    Asked the consultant about endo causing issues, said it shouldn't as IVF bypasses it..

    Had a hysteroscopy to check the womb..nothing.

    Paid for a private round last June which the consultant suggested trying steroids and blood thinners. The recurrent miscarriage consultant also said when we got pregnant he would do the same thing.

    Round didn't work....definitely felt like extra pressure before starting as didn't want to 'waste' the money.

    Consultant said that it could be that the eggs are not best quality, low amh for my age and that we could consider donor eggs. Also suggested getting a second opinion from a clinic in London, but didn't say the reason why.

    Did think about the nk biopsy, but I'm guessing the drugs that they give are the same as my last round.

    This last year has flown and even though we think we will go for donor eggs, we haven't really taken any big steps forward apart from looking at access fertility and the associated clinics.

    I'm wondering if I should get referred to a BSGE centre to get the endo checked and treated....

    We are having some work done on the house, so all money is being thrown at that at the moment.


  • So many dilemmas Hollibob, it's all so confusing isn't it. It's so hard to know what to do and who to listen to. Interestingly my consultant said endo can cause high inflammation that can prevent the embryo implanting and that IVF does bypass all the stuff endo causes outside of the womb but this inflammation can be inside the womb. So confusing how different doctors have different opinions, what are we supposed to do 😩

    I was under a BSGE centre for my last laparoscopy and found them excellent, you should definitely look into that. You've been through such a lot, I hope you get some answers xx

  • Hi Georgina sorry to hear you're still having a hard time. It is such a hard decision I've always had really strong gut and really based our decision to adopt on that. Maybe sounds crazy but I guess you just know what's right for you. Maybe just give it time dont rush

    into anything xx

  • Thanks katya, I'm not usually so indecisive but this I'm finding really hard. I'm just hoping time will be the key and we won't always feel so stuck 😳

    Hope it's going well for you so far xx

  • So sorry your journey has been so tough. I'm sure more time will help you become clearer about where to go next.

    Would it be worth seeing a counsellor at all? Maybe just both airing your thoughts might bring things up that aren't even at the forefront of your minds when you talk alone.

    I know others have written out options and pros and cons lists too.

    Take your time and whatever you decide good luck πŸ˜‰

  • Thanks Hun, yes hopefully time will be the key. I do see a counsellor and it's helpful and good to talk but it doesn't really help us make decisions as it doesn't exactly solve anything 😐

    I think we will try the pros & cons thing, thanks for your reply & advice xx

  • Nk testing isn't that expensive (assume you're talking about Coventry biopsy treatment?) compared to the cost of a failed ivf... personally I'd probably start there.

  • Yes I'm definitely considering that Lizzie, still just having a breather but I think we'll definitely look into it xx

  • Hope the BBQ was ok x

  • Aw thank you Hun, do you know it was actually bloody brilliant! Had lots of laughs & danced a lot,really felt like 'me' again if that makes sense?! Needed it! Xx

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