The difference between men and women...

[discobec]

My husband and I are on holiday and I've been hit with an awful endo flare up. I've been in agony all week - typical, as it's been reasonably under control for the last few months.

I had excision surgery last November, but a recent ultrasound scan has shown a regrowth of endometriomas on both ovaries. This has come just as we've been called forward for the IVF we've been waiting ages for, so now it could be delayed if I need the cysts removed. I'm feeling really fragile about the whole thing.

To put a top hat on things, today my best friend got in touch with me to let me know she's pregnant with her fourth baby. My husband's response was "oh great, good news," while I was obviously upset. I know men deal with things differently and he's so much more pragmatic than me, but news like this always hits me hard and for once I just want him to acknowledge that it's really rubbish. Instead he's just so blasè about it all and makes me feel like I'm over-reacting for being upset. He says people are always going to get Pregnant around us and we need to get used to it.

Anyone else's partner the same?

[Tugsgirl]

Not exactly. He's very patient and sympathetic towards me but he doesn't get emotional like I do. It does leave me wondering if things ever affect him the way it affects me. Having said that, when we lost our baby in April, it took a few days, but he finally broke down. In all the years I've known him I'd never seen him cry. I'm glad he did but it's not something I want to see again. I Get where you're coming from but sometimes it's better for us to deal with things in our own way and them in theirs. It doesn't mean they don't care xx

[_MrsC]

Mine is. He is always so genuinely filled with joy for others. I find it a bit frustrating at times but then I remember that's why I married him - he's lovely! He's been more thoughtful towards my feelings over announcements since our ivf cycles. Just give him time. It's never the same for them but I think it does eventually hit home. Thinking of you. xxx

[Hidden]

Quite similar. And I agree is true that people will keep getting pregnant around and, if I had the choice, I would prefer not to get as affected as I get by those news (happy for them, but upset for me)... I think the problem is not that it doesn't affect them that much, the problem is when they don't understand and accept that it does upset us...

What really helps us is 1) Understand that we are different 2) Accept our feelings and let them out (sometimes it's not that it doesn't affect them at all, is that they mask the emotions) 3) Don't let the other sink, but let him/her grieve (for my husband it is very frustrating he doesn'r stand seeing me sad, but sometimes I simply need to be sad!) 4) Try and keep enjoying life 5) Talk to other people

All the best and I am here if you ever need to talk!

[Fredaflintstone]

My husband is very matter of fact and doesn't let his emotions show in relation to all this. I sometimes wonder if he feels anything but I'm sure he does. Sometimes I think he's being strong for me but it would be nice if he showed some emotion sometimes about it. He's much more of a what can I do to fix things type of person than one to let me know how he feels about it.

We totally understand what you are going through though Hun - four babies?!?!?!? That seems so unfair when all we want is one? My cousin has 6 and I had to unfollow her on Fb cos all it is is kids kids kids. Does me in! At least she's a fab mum cos that would drive me mad xx

[beauty1984]

My OH doesn't get upset like I do with pregnancy announcements, he is genuinely happy for them and he loves children, we have 15 nieces and nephews and I love the relationship he has with them. He does however understand that I do get upset when I hear of friends/family getting pregnant and he never really knows what to say to help make it better but he knows when to hug me and just be there, that's all I could ask for. Xx

[Hormomalmess]

My hubby has got very upset with things that are going on with us at the min but bless him he is trying to stay strong for me. Up until recently I felt the same, like it just didn't bother him as much. He would often say he is happy just the two of us and I should feel the same. This did make me contemplate throttling him but also do see his point. If am honest I think that most of them put brave faces on to be strong for us and deep down probably struggle too.

On the plus side for them though they don't have the raging hormones and that maternal thing that us girls have so in some ways they probably are a bit less upset by the things we are. Either way while on this journey they will never be able to right for doing wrong as my hubby will definitely agree with. This post probably isn't much help but thought I would share my experience with you so you can see that it's just down to the fact they are men!!! Xx

[Katybetter]

Yes mine is the same. When he tries to brush it off he's only doing it because he doesn't want to draw attention to it/magnify the BS side of the situation.

My husband was very seriously ill when he was a teenager and I think our situation just doesn't compare to that, which is why he's not that fussed about it.

What you're feeling is normal. Don't deny yourself the right to be angry and sad for yourself before feeling happy for your friend. Do you think her first thought was sad for you? It's was more than likely her second thought x

[Hidden]

My SO is a genuinely lovely person with not a bad bone in his body. He is a cup-half-full kind of person, which I do find irritating but, like MrsC & her hubby, that is one of the reasons I love him so much. Our relationship would be a disaster if we were both bitter bones like me! He is genuinely pleased for people when they announce their pregnancies. Sometimes I ask him if he's bothered and he has said the longer it goes on the harder it is but he has to keep believing that it will happen for us.

We have been invited for a weekend away next week with friends and their kids (2 each)...It'll be another reminder that we're the only couple without children. I've told him that I would have to see what happens on Monday, test day. If it's negative I'm not sure how I will feel being surrounded by children and his reply was "we can't avoid them". True, I said, but I have the right to not put myself in a situation I might find difficult following a negative test...He held my hand and understood.

Despite him seemingly not 'getting it' at times, I've seen him well up when I'm sobbing, he's confessed that he was devastated when our tiny glimmer of hope was snatched away in a matter of hours when I had a chemical pregnancy back in March. It's there, men just don't show it as much.

Anyway, that's enough babbling from me. I'm an emotional wreck today and think I might cry!

I hope you feel better soon xx

[Hidden]

The men are upset but try to put a brave face on.