Consumed by fear of miscarriage

[abcgirl]

Not a day passes that I don’t think of miscarrying and awfulize into the future thinking of what it would be like and all the tears and heartache. I’ve never had a miscarriage before and it’s just the fear of coming so far and losing it all.

I’m 10w + 5d and the next 2 weeks until my 12ish week scan is going to be the slowest ever. I have already gotten two private scans. The most recent this past Sunday. Had a bit of a brown/pink bleed and was so paranoid. But the little bean’s heartbeat was fluttering away and measuring a few days ahead. Still can’t shake the feeling something bad is going to happen. Will I ever feel relaxed and confident?

My worst fear is a missed Mc and finding out in 2 weeks after already sharing the good news with our families. When we told our parents I was so negative warning them it’s ‘still early’ - just sucked the joy out of it 😥 I just want to sleep until the scan.

Any tips and advice would be appreciated.

[Hidden]

I am not sure I can give any advice as I have never got as far as you with a pregnancy - but seems like all the pregnant ladies on here have the same feelings as you. I know they will send you some words of encouragement in the messages below.

I am 6 weeks today and so afraid - so have a small insight into what you are feeling.

Sending you best wishes and counting down to 12 weeks for a good scan for you.

xxx

[Tugsgirl]

I’m probably not the best person to advise with my history of missed miscarriages but I just want to say that I think your feelings sound completely normal to me. You’ve been through so much to get where you are and it probably doesn’t really seem real deep down and I know you’re terrified that it could all get taken away from you. All I can say is just take it one day at a time. Concentrate on today and congratulate yourself when tomorrow comes, then concentrate on tomorrow.. Good luck for your next scan. Maybe after that one you’ll be able to relax a bit xx

[Hidden]

I feel nervous about reaching 12 weeks without miscarrying as I started bleeding at 12 weeks got a scan and baby had stopped at 6w. Try not to worry up to now you said everything is fine with prev scans the next couple of weeks will fly over.

[EmmaWills]

I think you are no different than any other woman. Especially the ones who have experienced recurrent miscarriages. I have been there. If you experience a heavy bleeding than rush to the doctor. Also, you can consult with the doctor in case you experience spotting. Because it can indicate ectopic pregnancy if it is accompanied by pain. Yoga and meditate. This will give you a little peace of mind, remember stress is toxic.

[Autumnmoon]

Hoping all goes well for you it's so scary and such a shame that the fear spoils everything all you can do is try to stay calm and look at the positive signs so far and as each stage passes it will get a little easier x

[Hidden]

If your worries feel overwhelming and you feel them everyday, I really think it would be a good idea to see a counsellor. Do you feel that your anxiety is specific to miscarriage? Do you feel that it will stop once you get past 12 weeks or will you worry about other things? As a huge worrier myself, I’ve seen a counsellor and the space helps me to unpick those anxieties and where they come from. I’ve realised that worrying doesn’t change the outcome and just makes the process less happy than it needs to be. I don’t want to look back and think i missed out all that time that i could have been happy but it needs training to do so. I’m not 12 weeks yet and I am medical with training in obstetrics so I have seen a lot of things go wrong but every now and again I allow myself a moment of joy that I am pregnant and how wonderful it is. If it all goes wrong, I won’t punish myself for those moments- it won’t be my fault. And if it goes well, then I’ve enjoyed the process.

[Hidden]

I don't have any advice Hun but know exactly how your feeling. I've had 2 mmc & am terrified of having another. I'm 15 weeks now but had scans at 8, 10 & 12 weeks... Each of those scans made me a nervous wreck as I was expecting the worse. All of the scans were fine but now the anxiety is back as I haven't seen how the baby is for 3 weeks so the what it's are taking over again. My cousin had a baby prematurely who sadly passed away & a friend had a baby still born on her due date so I worry about those scenarios too. The past couple of days I have tried changing my thinking & have been buying Moses baskets, baby baths, rocking chairs etc & trying to enjoy it. Apart from my bump which isn't exactly small I don't feel pregnant which doesn't help. What will be will be though & as Zoe says , if all goes well we shouldn't look back with regret of not enjoying our pregnancies. I hope you find calmer times soon then enjoy a happy & healthy pregnancy 😘 xx

[Bestbuddies1975]

Congratulations on starting the journey of parenthood. It is really a pleasing moment. I think you are feeling insecure without any reason. Life must be taken realistically. If we think good the good comes back. Stay positive and everything will be ok. Too much stress is not good either.

[tessablue]

hey there! I hope you are doing great. you should fear at all . stress can lead to so much negativity which in turn can affect a lot of the secretions. you should try to be positive about everything and stay strong. I hope you make it well.

[Billywhizz10]

I feel exactly the same as you, and I'm the husband!!!!

Each week is like a huge sigh of relief, we have reached week 20 and I still google 'chances of miscarriage at .....' every day in case I've missed something.

My wife is much stronger than me, and has thrown herself into her hobbies and keeping busy at work, trying not to worry about it. Although we've done nothing like read up baby books, buy ANYTHING baby related, prepare the spare room, it's as if we will bring bad luck if we do....

We had some brown spotting at around 12 weeks and went to AE who told to us to go home and get a scan in the morning through our normal midwife, it was horrific seeing my wife so upset, while i was so upset but trying to hide it- it turned out to be nothing.

Our 21 week scan is coming up and I'm worried about that.

I think because we've been focused on getting a BFP for over 6 years, doing cycles of IVF for 4 years, once we got one,it was like getting your dearest wish come true, you become convinced it's a mistake, or that it will all go wrong.

I gave up work to take a break while I set up a new business so I think being alone all day is the problem for me. I can only suggest keep yourself busy and try and stay positive.

After your 12 week scan the chances of something going wrong are so small, try and allow yourself to be happy, I've made a deal with myself that I will stop worrying once we have our 21 week scan. I've even put off telling anyone outside a few best friends and my family and even them we waited till 12weeks. You certainly aren't unusual

Best wishes for the scan, I'm positive all will be well as I imagine your doing everything they suggest- no fags, good diet and supplements, etc, so that's all you can do and try to stay positive.

p.s

Pregnant yoga really has helped my wife de-stress and talking to other mums too.

x

[abcgirl in reply to Billywhizz10]

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I can relate to so much you’ve said too. Best of luck for your next scan and hope you can truly enjoy the rest of your wife’s pregnancy.

[Asweetpea]

Oh my god it’s like I wrote this post. I am lying here worrying that my sickness has gone and so that it all over. Ridiculous I know. I’m 11wks 5 days and have to wait another 10 days for my scan. I had one at 9 wks due to bleeding and all was perfect even heard the heart beat. I am trying to focus on that to get me through. I don’t have any advice but hope it helps to know your not alone in what your feeling. Best of luck.xxxx