Family understanding

[Hands2015]

Hi just want to say thank you to all of you for any advice or support you've given hopefully I can return it just as well.

I just have a little rage/ sadness I wanted to share and also if anyone has any tips of guiding family through understanding

I've just spoke to my dad who is a wonderful man and very kind but has left me feeling a bit small. Talking about Father's Day meal tomorrow and my step sister has invited one of her friends who has just got married. As I joke I said she isn't pregnant is she to which my dad replied there are going to be pregnant people you come across and I said in jovial way well I can try and avoid them at all costs haha he said well that's silly isn't it- in quite a serious tone.

I know it's not the end of the world but my family really don't understand and I'm struggling to get across to them some of the things they say don't make me feel great( usual stuff like relax, you haven't been trying that long , and once talking about a friend who had adopting kept saying and 'the little adopted girl ' instead of her daughter- in a mind way I'm just sort of a worrier and thought if we do adopt they won't ever see the baby as family- sorry went off tangent there ).

It's just super hard and quite tricky to sort of build into conversation with out things getting prickly x x

[LKT1]

Hi 👋 sorry to hear your on a bit of a downer. I would have to agree with your dad to a certain extent but I think it all depends on your personal circumstances.

It’s hard seeing others who are pregnant or have babies. In the early days of finding out we had issues, I was avoiding women who were pregnant but I soon realised ALL of my friends were getting pregnant. Staying away from everyone made me more miserable as it was so isolating. I began to just carry on as I used to and spent lots of time with pregnant friends and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. On the other hand everyone is different so if it makes you that miserable you shouldn’t force yourself in that situation, but for me once I got myself out and about and seeing everyone again, I was actually a lot happier.

I usually don’t talk to my family about my feelings. I give them important medical updates etc but I save the more personal issues for this group or close friends. I don’t think anyone can comprehend what we ladies go through unless they have also been through it.

As for the ‘adoptive girl’ remarks I wouldn’t worry on it. While not a helpful comment, If your dad is the kind man you say he is then I’m sure it won’t make a difference. Children can be hard not to fall in love with once you spend time with them.

Hope all works out for you. x

[Hands2015 in reply to LKT1]

Thank you that all makes a lot of sense sometimes I can get a bit "too much in my head". I know it's completely irrational to think i could avoid everyone lol I hadn't thought about the option of kind of going out more and sort of being exposed to it. Thank you x x

[LKT1 in reply to Hands2015]

Don’t worry we all think too much in our heads sometimes! All the best x

[Tati14680]

After telling my mum about our fertility issues she started asking questions, finding me contacts of fertility centers where she lives (we live 1000 miles away litterally), and all became too much at the point that I had to ask her to stop as was getting annoying. So I haven't talk to anyone since in the family about the progresses and my failed ivf or my separation.

My best friend was the one I was telling all and she disappointed me a lot when I said to her that my test was negative, instead of saying "I am sorry" she said only "test nowadays are very accurate (as I have done it 2 days before OTD)", killing every little hope. So I stopped talking with her as well. I repeated my test on OTD and not even told her the result.

People that are not going through this process can't understand how you feel or how you react to their words. This is why from now on I won't tell anyone how I feel except to those that are facing the same journey. But don't take it personally, before starting this journey I was probably the one saying relax, or it will come when it is meant to be. There was no malice only ignorance. Good luck with everything

[FakeHappy]

You have my every sympathy - my parents would be the same though I know they love me!

My mum sometimes says not to worry because I will get pregnant, she knows it! Though at one point before my miscarriage I was feeling anxious about there not being anything on the scan (don't know why) and she said I wouldn't have a miscarriage because I felt pregnant and was healthy - and guess what, I started spotting at 11 weeks and had a silent /missed miscarriage somewhere around 6-7 weeks 😣 all my friends have been so understanding and my husband too so like another poster said, I keep mum up to date with medical stuff but talk to friends about the emotional side.

Work have been supportive although a coupe of people have said it might be stress or could 'just happen' - they don't seem to understand that pcos is a medical condition that means, for me at least, I'm just not ovulating as my progesterone is so low so I'll need medication to jump start that process!

Sorry that turned into a rant of my own but I know how you feel xx

[Elynn]

The most realistic candid programme lve ever seen is on Netflix called One More Shot. Your family n friends should watch it. As should all medics !

[Hidden]

So sorry about this but I can totally relate to everything you say.

I avoid people I don't know well or don't like with babies and I don't have to explain this to anyone. I just don't wanr to surround myself with couples with kids until I have kids. I want to do other stuff. I get what your dad is saying - but it is up to you. If you don't fancy certain occasions then just don't go! This is a hard process you must be top priority.

We haven't told anyone friends or family. And I am so happy. Every situation we say 'if they only knew!' My brothers friend is going through IVF amd he was talking about her in a really patronising way - and I was raging. Like she had the plague or something and how they didn't even have to try. Was so so happy he didn't know about us.

People are just clueless - family included!

I feel in this journey do whatever you want however irrational it might seem!

You will be baby central once you get a positive - plenty of time for that!

Xxx