looking for bit of advice on coping with work colleagues who are pregnant.

hello everyone. i was doing fine with manager being pregnant and she knows my circumstances etc. but she had her 20 week scan this week and everyday shes been going on about it and ive put a smile on and comtinued on.

Today another member of staff told everyone she was 5 weeks and five days pregnant and had couple of appointments today and im happy for her but i just cant see how the next 6 month etc at work are going to be. I've come home and cried because yet again i'm still waiting for it to happen. Part of me is bit jealous to because she said it was her first month of trying.

just wondering has anyone ideas of things to keep mind of it. i know i've just got to get on with it and isn't to long til they wont be there. Today it hit me harder with having two of them now.

thank you x

11 Replies

  • I know exactly how you feel in the last year we've had four girls get pregnant.

    I've been married nearly three years and I constantly get asked when we are gonna have kids or if I've been off work for the IVF I always get questioned as to whether it's coz I'm pregnant. It's so upsetting because people just don't realise that some people may actually struggle.

    I don't think there is anything to keep your mind off it you just have to hope that soon it will be you xx

  • I think a lot of us on hear have the same joy for others but sadness to. Me and Hubby have been trying for 3 years and many friends and family have little ones and fell pregnant (including IFV buddies falling naturally). I have always been happy for them as I think I am just glad they don't have got go through what we have to and deal with the pain we face. Having said that there is always times it's too hard. I think we are human and it's OK to be upset and give yourself time to cry it out deal with it and pick yourself up Remeber you've got this far you are strong you've got this and one day it could be you. Just think of all the tips baby clothes they can share! Big hugs!

  • I completely understand. My cousin has just announced her second pregancy after giving birth 3 months ago. 3 friends just gave birth with another due in a week. 3 of my other friends have children. It's so awful for me. I am so depressed by my situation and all these babies and pregnancies are really making me worse. I am happy for them, ofcourse, but also struggling. I remind myself that that's their life, not ours. And I cry whenever I need too. I'm sorry I can't be of more help

  • Hi it is pretty awful and sometimes you don't even know the strength of the emotions you will feel until you're faced with them. It can be torture. I've discovered the best way to protect myself and you do have to put yourself first is to leave situationswhere you feel uncomfortable xx

  • It's so difficult being around people who are pregnant, especially when you want a baby so much and are doing everything possible. Unfortunately there is no escape sometimes and just allow yourself the time to have a good cry. Keep praying that very soon it will be you and don't ever give up... wishing you all the best x

  • I think everybody in this forum can really understand how you feel and how sad and upsetting it sometimes is to see other people getting pregnant. I think it's ok and normal to be sad, but I would also protect myself: when we were trying to conceive (a whole 4 years in the end) I would walk away when there was too much pregnancy and baby talk in the office. There are always people who don't want to talk about babies and pregnancies all the time! My husband also always reminded me to think about the good things we had (i.e. A great marriage, travelling we were looking forward to, things we did to our house etc. Etc.). It's very easy to only focus on IVF, the treatments etc - but your life is so much more than 'just' this difficult period of time. stay strong and lots of hugs xx

  • I've had the same thing. The girl at my work got pregnant straight away, had a miscarriage, got pregnant straight away again. She knew what I was going through (I've had 3 IVF failures and 3 IUI failures). She's just had the baby and so is on mat leave now.

    Even though she knew what I'd been through, she didn't ask how I was and every day kept rubbing her baby bump etc. She announced it by getting her manager to send an email around too which wasn't very sensitive. Others who knew what I'd been through thought of me straight away. I understand her excitement and happiness (and I was happy for her too) but she knew what I'd been through!

    Of course then people started asking "who next" and my name was mentioned. I found it easiest to say I couldn't have children. I've never been told this but it certainly stops them saying anything again!

    I found it easiest to deal with the pregnancy itself by staying away from her and having a bit of a moan when she rubbed her bump every day.

    I have found it hard to deal with it must say. My (younger) sister had a baby 3 months ago and I got very upset when she told me. It was very hard having both pregnancies to deal with at the same time whilst my IVF was failing!

    Think it will be you next. Good luck xx

  • This this incredibly hard to deal with just know that your not alone as all the above posts show there are so many of us who struggle with the same emotions and hopefully you can take some comfort that your not alone even though it often feels this way. I know its easier said then done but try and reflect on the postive things in your life when it gets to much for me I have my health (apart from the obvious fertility issues) I have a supportive bf who has stuck by me, I have an understanding manager at work who knows my situation and allows me time off, I have a couple of supportive friends who I can talk to honestly, I have a lovely flat in London, I enjoy my job and im planning a holiday later in year, listing and reminding myself of these things helps me focus on the bigger picture as this can become all to consuming at times and this is how I cope and carry on. Take care of yourself and wishing you all the best xxxx

  • I'm also surrounded by workplace bumps (including a honeymoon baby!). It can be incredibly hard but I agree with the other ladies that it helps to remember the things you do have and how fortunate you are to have them. I for one am a glass half-empty person and have been working on slowly changing that outlook. I saw my friend the other day who has a 1 year old and I realised that I was so busy envying her motherhood that I totally missed how unhappy she is in her marriage. Other times I have felt very guilty complaining about my fertility problems to my friend who is single and still looking for Mr Right!

    We're lucky to have this group. These ladies are inspirational and give hope to us all! Take some comfort from knowing we are all here for you! xxx

  • thank you everyone it really does help knowing that your not the only one. just sometimes harder to talk with those around you. im sure after this weekend when i go work again least i know what to expect and where to avoid in staff room or in the room. think i just let it get on top off me. ive got my sister in laws wedding next saturday and my other half family havent seen us in ages and you always get that question when you two having a baby. luckly ive learnt to say im happy with holidays and my dog for now and brush it off really quickly.

  • I also have all the same feelings all these other lovely ladies have had. New pregnancies are always hard to deal with, my best friend is also trying so I'm expecting hers to be next. I start the ultrasounds for my iui on Friday so keeping my fingers crossed that although chances are not high with this that I am one of the lucky ones xx if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to msg xx

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