Just joined the community and wanted to ask how you are all so amazingly strong and able to share so much hope and positivity?
I'm looking for any tips to de-stress, keep calm and how to communicate with my family/work/partner through all of this?
I feel a bit like I've been swept along in a tide of tests, diagnosis and bad news - any way to help me keep my head above water?
My advice is take one day at a time and to talk about how you are feeling each day xx
Thanks Tezzabell86 really appreciate you getting back to me. Do you mind if I ask who you talk to? Have you told family/friends/work? I'm not sure how to start the conversation...
I spoke to close friends and family along with my OH. I told the employers I was working with as well xxx
Thanks. I think the bigger the support network the better in my case, just need to make sure that I find the right way to tell work.
It definitely helped me speaking to more people xxx
Thanks. The guy I sit next to at work is expecting a second child with his partner, I'm happy for them but I am finding it quite difficult hearing him talk about the pregnancy.
I'm quite a proud person and don't react well to pity. I'm just worried that telling him will make us both uncomfortable.
I hope you don't think I'm being nosy but have you had any experience/ do you have any tips for how to politely let someone know that whilst their pregnancy is great news you just need a bit of space?
I have yes one of my colleagues got pregnant with their second child whilst I was having my tests/treatment and I said congratulations and I was quite lucky that she didn’t talk about it all the time x
Thanks, you're a god send! I think I'll just politely change the conversation if I start to feel uncomfortable. At least we can talk about the world cup!
That’s what I did was just change the conversation when i was having a down day. Xx
Thanks x
It's not an easy ride with ups and downs and hard to stay stress free but that is something you need to try.
I've not told anyone about my journey apart from my best friend, I thought it would add pressure telling family who would only worry. It's hard at times especially when family announce they are pregnant, but I figure they might find it hard to tell me if they knew.
Work don't know anything either, apart from my manager who knows I have to sometimes have private medical appointments. I'm lucky maybe with my employer but don't want them to know anything.
I make sure I talk to my husband if I am feeling low, just have a cry when you need it and treat yourself.
We've have amazing holidays and time as a couple which we just try to enjoy while we can as hopefully one day we will have a family and holidays etc might change.
I've also tried reflexology for relaxing and a way of trying to take control by helping myself.
Waiting for me is hard, so much waiting with this process so try to book in things for you to look forward to, so that your whole life is not based around ivf
Good luck with everything x
Hi KB11 thanks so much for the reply. How was reflexology? I've heard a lot about massage, yoga and acupuncture but not sure which to try - anything to help me relax would be a big help!
I really like reflexology, I'm trained in it myself (many years ago but don't use it) I find it relaxing, my therapist was trained in reflex for fertility and was very knowledgeable so I found it good for me at the time.
Yoga or pilates would be good x
Thanks, I'll see if I can find anyone who does fertility reflexology locally. I'm not a big fan of needles and I'll probably have enough of them with the IVF. Reflexology sounds like a good plan 
Hello LegoBatgirl, welcome to the group! You will find many people on here who will understand your situation as we are usually living though the same uncertainty and upset of this fertility journey.
It's so much to take in and so personal, I know the initial feeling for me was to hide away and not share these feelings with people close to me. This group has really helped me work through them and open up to some close friends who have totally out done themselves and surprised me at how supportive they can be, even though they have not been through this experience. It's important to have that solid support network as it is a tough thing to go through.
Having an "action plan" has helped me. Looking at my diet, fitness and mental well being too. I can recommend The Zita West IVF diet book for lots of advice on this process. And also this series of positive affirmations and hypnosis for fertility and IVF on Spotify open.spotify.com/artist/2sq... as doing these daily have really helped calm that panicky voice of negativity inside me.
Trying not to let this be all that you are and remembering all the amazing good things that are in your life already too helps a little.
Good luck for everything whatever tests and things are going on, always people on here to share them with and ask questions.
X
Hi LittleBlue34, thanks so much for the reply, really appreciate you taking the time to share.
I've been looking into hypnosis and some 'alternative therapies, is there any other resources or de-stressing tips that work for you?
Thanks again x
You’re welcome, exercise is my de-stresser too. Used to be wine! (Not good for fertility so cut that right back to almost nothing/ T total) Joined the gym and go to classes, yoga, swimming, and just the cardio machines. Best money I’ve ever spent to be honest. I also did acupuncture last cycle but not sure I will do it again, it’s so expensive and after my pregnancy loss, I can’t bring myself to see the same therapist again, too many memories will come back so just exercising and keeping a positive mental attitude - and binge watching Netflix for me!
So sorry to hear about your pregnancy loss, think you're incredibly brave and strong to share.
I've lost about 18lbs in the last 6 months, combination of better diet and exercise as apparently losing some of the excess weight will help me combat the PCOS.
So sorry for the 20 questions but your experience and having someone to ask questions is like a god send- I've felt very alone in this.
Do you do any special fertility yoga?
Well done you, that's no easy thing to do, especially with PCOS! i saw on your other post that you are 26, perfect. you have still so much more time and I wish I had started trying that young (I'm 34 now, husband 39 TTC almost 3 years) I haven't found any specific fertility yoga, but give Youtube a go. Esther Ekhaart yoga on there is really nice : ) We all give each other strength and you are at the beginning of this crazy journey so look after yourself ✊🏻
Thanks so much for the help. Honestly it's been overwhelming how nice people are and I'm so glad that I joined the forum. It's just feels like I've got so much to learn!
Hi, it’s not easy and I am sure everyone has there low days, when you do just accept it and remember tomorrow is a new day. Cry is you need too.
I had lots of Accupuncture before my first cycle (unfortunately ended in a BFN) and before being referred for ivf, it did relax me and I had a lot less period pain. I also did a few sessions of reiki which really helped relax me, my OH also said he thought I was much lighter after.
I have thought about reflexology and hypnosis for the next cycle.
With telling people I found it easier over text, it meant I could read and reply when I wanted to, also if I got upset I was in my own home and it was fine.
We told close family and friends, I think it helps, at least they aren’t going to ask any inappropriate questions. It is hard as you do feel everyone else’s lives are just carrying on, and your stuck in this journey on your own and not moving on.
Be kind to yourself, try and do some fun things with your partner. A counsellor I saw said every weekend do something just for you, something you want to do, even if it’s something simple and small.
Wishing you lots of luck x
Hi kickingfish, thanks so much for your reply- I really appreciate it. I hadn't thought about telling people by text but I do find it easier to express my feelings in writing so that's a great idea.
Keeping the weekends special is a great idea, sometimes it's hard to feel like a couple when I feel so much like a science experiment!
Welcome for starters! If you ever need to talk, rant or anything else, here is the place to do it! Myself and husband have only told our parents and siblings. Work has not made any enquiries of appointments that I’ve needed to go to! I’m quite a private person when it comes to this as I don’t think anyone else needs to know. That’s hard sometimes, but everyone is different in how much of a circle they need to talk about stuff! . Just take a day at a time. It’s hard not to think what if and so on but take care of yourself and OH and we are all always here xxx
Thanks so much for your reply. This will probably be such a silly question but what does OH mean?
My work are very strict on leave and medical appointments and as I have pcos and am at greater risk of OHSS the clinic have warned me that I'll need a lot of scans and potentially quite a long time off work. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that everyone is as supportive as you've all been
Nothing is a silly question trust me! Other half. I have PCOS aswell, work has been good, my manager is a man. I just told him that I have some health issues that would not affect my ability to do my job, but it would mean a lot of appointments. I’m not one that loses many days work anyway so that helped, and I explained that I hated asking for time off for appointments but it was necessary . He knows it’s ‘woman related’ shall we say but has been great. Maybe could you see what your HR department can advise? Xx
Thanks for the explanation.
My work is on a flexi-time system so I can make up time for appointments by working over time on other days. I'm just hoping my appointments can be booked for the start or the end of the day to minimise disruption.
Does anyone know, do clinics usually let you pick the time?
Im a very open book so i share my journey will who ever i talk 2 i even share it in my facebook. This as kept the stress down. We also walk me n hubby every night where we leave phone at home and we talk about all kind of rubbish... we also like to go away for cheeky weekend and day trips and lpvr a good spa..
I have given up alot whilst doing ivf but sometime i have a cheeky little drink
I think you're right, I get why it helps other people to keep it private and personal but I'm from a very tight knit family and I think the stress of keeping it a secret as well as going through it will probably be too much for me.
I've got into walking lately as it really seems to clear my head. Any other tips that you have would be greatly appreciated.
I know that there's not much that can be done to improve the odds but I'm willing to try any suggestions from people who have lived through this x
I had a missed misscarriage and i was open about it and wont believe how many other ppl ave been thru the same but just wont speakabout it until someone opens up.
Like i said im a very open book and it helped because i lost the twins at 11 weeks im aug and by september i had raised 600 for the #4louis charity whos helps parents who had misscarriges and still borns.
Im a fighter and i aint ready to give up yet. At 31 and hubby nearly 39 we will keep going until we have no fight left
Thank you so much for your honesty I think you're really brave and really appreciate you sharing your story x
When u ave done fertility since 2015 itit becomes part of life
It's really great of you to share your experience. I'm just starting out and have so many questions and feel overwhelmed by the amount I need to learn. Women like you sharing their experiences and knowledge is helping to keep me sane
I'm new here too. And have been TTC for 18months. I think Mrsplant's approach is good, being open. It might not be for everyone - I totally understand that. But I am trying to own it. There should be no shame, no embarassment, as in a lot of peoples situations I imagine its a medical issue, so should be treated like that.
With friends and family, a big thing can be feeling let down because telling people can really help, you make yourself vulnerable and face up to things, but they can't always meet your needs - they dont say the right things, they say they will be there for you but dont pick up the phone. It is hard, so my biggest tip is realise we are all human, and fight bitterness, dont let it set in, dont think ill of people just because they can't meet your needs. Be gentle and honest with people, cultivate a culture of openess and respect in your friendship groups.
I signed up here because last week I met someone who had a 5 year TTC experience and for the first time I didn't feel alone so this will help
Also try switching of your phone regularly or set priority settings to selected people, mute or archive group whatasp, dont go on facebook when you feel vulnerable. Its a discipline.
Thanks for the advice, I think it's all just been a roller coaster. I feel like I need to catch my breath. We were trying for about 12months before we went to the doctors. My PCOS is quite mild and I've been able to get my hormone levels back into the normal range through diet and exercise but as a couple we also have to deal with male factor infertility.
It just all went so fast between diagnosis and meeting the consultant and being told we'll only ever have a baby through ICSI- at great time and expense and it still might never happen. I feel like I've not had time to grieve for the idea of the family that I wanted... Does that make sense?
We found it easier to not tell anyone what we are going through.
We have had more peace doing this.
I have told 2 very best friends for when I need some support of even just to update.
This has worked for us - but everyone is different. Some might find this isolating...
We are then free to make all our decisions without having to take others into account.
Other than that just do things that make you happy during this process. Spend quality time with your partner and don't feel guilty for looking after yourself and putting yourself first.
Xxx
Thanks EB2001, my partner is all for keeping in private but I think that's male pride. I have PCOS but he also has male factor infertility. I think he's worried that if we tell people then they'll know 'He's the problem'. At the moment I've told close family we need IVF and I've said it's because of my PCOS so trying not to mention him.
I wish I could get him to join a forum/support group and talk about it. I hope you don't think I'm being rude by asking but in your experience is there a good way to support my husband?
I think I will possibly tell close family if we get a positive and after we give birth, but let's see.....depends how we feel. My partner doesn't even want to do that.
After our first cycle didn't work I was so happy we didn't have to tell anyone our results. We just dealt with it ourselves.
I have tried to just remain positive for my partner. And to take breaks from talking about it. For women their whole body is consumed with the process every day and that can maybe be hard for partners to understand however amazing they are. I would say spending quality time together not focusing on IVF/fertility chat all the time. Gives you a break too.
If he won't consider counselling maybe if you are struggling you can do the odd session and clear your head. I found this helpful.
The fact that you are already considering your partner so much in this process shows how thoughtful you are. IVF brought us closer - but it is a hell of a rollercoaster 
Xxx
Thanks so much, I just feel I've lost so much of my identity in this process. We've been together since we were 19 and we've always talked about starting a family when we were ready. We've not been married long and I feel like I've gone from his best friend and wife to being some sad stranger who's obsessed with statistics, live birth rates and which is the best clinic. I definitely need to find a way to switch off!
Omg me too haha it happens....my mind goes into overdrive. Our first round was a jump into the unknown but I am more relaxed going for our frozen cycle.
Just try to bring yourself back sometimes
Find some key things that you always enjoy and help you relax, it is different to everyone.
Support on this forum is great so use it to get advice. I have learnt so much.
You can do it 💪
xxx
Thanks so much. You're a star! I feel like I have to research everything as our clinic is leaving a lot of the decision making up to us but how can I make decisions when I know nothing! Wish I'd paid more attention in science now 😂
Yes that is where this forum comes in handy. But 'Dr Google' can drive you a bit bonkers.
I found a fertiity nutritionist consultation really helpful too!
Keep in touch and best of luck!
Xxx
Thanks so much for taking the time for all of the responses- I really appreciate it. Best of luck to you too x
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