How do you cope with this?: So we have... - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

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How do you cope with this?

Purplewitch18 profile image

So we have only got past the consultation stage for ivf and patient info evening and im already feeling dread and not even sure if i can go through with it, especially with an estimated 15% chance! How do those of you cope especially more than once? You women are warriers you really are!

22 Replies

You have so many mixed emotions but you push yourself through it and do whatever it takes I have been given 25% chance but the bodies are weird things anything can happen once you have done your first lot of injections your keep getting stronger and use to it don’t give up xx

Thankyou. It all sounds horrific and it may be for nothing and all that money too. I think we can afford one fresh and two frozen at a push, but i may not get any to freeze, arghh its so hard xx

Oh can you not get it on the nhs ? It isn’t really that horrific at all hun it is hard not going to lie worse bit I found was the finding out how many embryos have made it and doing that test but I’m going through it second time round only makes u stronger xx

Thats what im dreading, incase i dont get any or they are no good. Im dreading those phone calls already. No we have to go private because im blessed to have a nearly 5 year old daughter, but my only wish in life is to give her a sibling. I want her to have that childhood and to have that someone to turn too when we arent around who just gets it. I love her so much and it kills me i cant give her that x

Awww bless your that’s lovely 😊 I think if your that determined your do whatever it takes it is nerve racking those calls the test but you pull yourself together and get back to it if I can do it anyone can xxx

Oh bless you lovely, it definitely seems overwhelming at first but honestly if you take it one step at a time, it really isn't too bad. Each step has its drawbacks and challenges but they're all totally manageable as long as you don't let it get on top of you. Also I would say try not to think too far ahead to needing multiple cycles etc and just take things one day at a time x

Obviously statistics are there for a reason but they are always based on population data, not you as an individual. I have kind of given up with statistics as I always seem to fall into the minority. You just have no idea what will happen without trying. You can do this! Xx

Thankyou sooo much, i needed to hear that. Its just when they tell you your chances at the clinic and they dont seem very hopeful themselves it makes me think like, what are we doing if even they dont think its worth it! Xx

I understand that, I felt the same! The way I looked at it was that any chance was better than not trying at all. I know I would've regretted never trying. And as it turns out we've ended up pregnant so it has been worth all the heartbreak and the ups and downs. All the very best of luck lovely x

Aww im so happy it worked for you ❤️. Yes at least its not zero chance i suppose. All i can do is focus on egg quality and hope for the best xx

Absolutely! A positive outlook and having a bit of faith in the process really helped me, even through the absolute crap bits. It's an amazing thing they can do for us. I hope it works out for you x

The determination to beat the odds and have that baby is what gets you through. I had 3 rounds of ivf, 1st mc @6w2d, 2nd ohss so delayed embryo transfer that didnt work, 3rd I now have my beautiful 9 month old boy and I would do it all again to have that love again! X

Congratulations on your little boy Sjr, and thankyou for replying. It does seem a lot of you on herr were 3rd time lucky x

I felt the same before we started, was questioning if we could actually do this, but there are lots of resources out there to help - books, podcasts, forums, the Instagram community for TTC is huge. You’ll be just fine. Yes it definitely has its challenging times but take one step at a time xx

We had a counselling session at our clinic just before we started (now on day 7 of Buserelin) and were told to think of it as 'This might work'. Because it might, but it also might not, and that's okay! For me it's about being realistic without being pessimistic or getting my hopes up too high.

For now, the only thing you can do is take each day at a time and celebrate the small victories.

Oh goodness, I have no idea if Im honest! I think I must be a glutton for punishment! Ha ha ha I think its just important to not have your expectations too high.....easier said than done. I got to the point where I almost just expected failure. I guess Im just one stubborn lady! Lots of ladies find meditating and counselling helps, its not for me. I just need to keep my mind busy. Transfer number 7 coming up for me and Im definitely getting more nervous as my chances slip by but the thing I keep thinking is "you got to be in it to win it"!xx

My 7th transfer coming up. Wishing you so much luck xx

You just will cope, but you will probably cry and scream a lot and you will have good and bad days . You may argue a lot with your partner and you may find that family and friends who you thought would understand don’t. Everyone will suddenly become pregnant around you and you will smile but get upset when no one is looking. But if at the end you get to where you want to be it will all be worth it, and you will be a warrior too. If you can get through this you will get through anything. Good luck whatever decision you make xxx

I was given a less than 5 percent chance. Am just rubbing my round 28 week pregnant belly!

I encourage you to talk to others and ask lots of questions. I found being informed of possibilities helped me feel more in control.

Success. You can do this if you decide it's a good step for you.

Thankyou so much for all your advice and support. I will defenately be on here quite a bit i think. Feeling much better today and think im going to try. I know ill regret it later on if i dont. Id got my head around not having any more and stopped actively trying then was shocked wen oh wanted to try ivf, and now having to get my head back around trying again.

I’m not going to’s a very emotional journey with so many highs and lows but there is no greater motivation in the world than to have a baby and thats what gets you through it. Despite needing 3 cycles and 8 embryo transfers, I always knew it would one day work if I kept positive and kept going. I never lost hope even in the darkest of times. I knew if ivf failed with my own eggs that I’d go for donor and if that failed I’d go for adoption so there’s always an option. It’s made my relationship with my partner much stronger for having gone through this and I’ve learnt so much and met lovely nurses and doctors and I’m so grateful to now be 19 weeks pregnant after we started trying naturally 6 years ago. I feel so lucky and blessed and just hope everything continues to go well. If you really want a sibling for your daughter, that will spur you on to keep going x

Look into access fertility for multi cycle reduced options x

Im so pleased it worked for you in the end. Access fertillity wont do packages unless youre under 37, and im 40 so we have to pay per round, which if i get to freeze some will work out fine so fingers crossed. Im concentrating on my egg quality rather than the quantity, and was advised to do that too when we were with the nhs. She said, it only takes that one good egg. X

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