In 24 little hours Mr Emu will be driving his fractured ankle, 6 weeks and 6 days Mrs Emu for their viability scan.
This time last year we’d talked about maternity leave, names, life with children and were eagerly awaiting a scan in 4 days time. I’d got sore boobs, felt nauseous in the morning and was exhausted most afternoons.
Almost a year to the date and nothing like this has happened. I’ve bled, been quiet, refused to talk about being pregnant and positively wanted to scream at Mr Emu off for even looking at my breasts last night when he said they looked bigger. They’re not bigger. Well, they might be.
“I’m so excited for tomorrow’s scan!” - NOT. In fact I reckon that’s why it’s arrived so blinking quickly. I don’t want to go at all. I don’t want to be faced with a darken room, those words of failure, and the saddest audible gasp from Mr Emu ever. And if it has worked? Then bloody hell! More waiting and worrying and more months of it potentially going wrong. I don’t know.
Ah. Little peas. Or little pea. You’ve endured so much already. You’ve made it through the biggest of battles already. Little fighter/s. I already feel guilty for not wanting you to be put in me... and I feel guilty now for worrying if you are there tomorrow what pain you might cause later down the line. If you’re there tomorrow... can you just tell me to get a grip? A little sign over the scan monitor will do.
So I’ll check in tomorrow ladies (and gents!). What’ll be will be. It’ll be cake or Gin by tomorrow lunch. x
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emu2016
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Wishing for cake hunny 🍰 I hope it goes really well and you see your little bean/s. Everything you’re feeling is so normal based on what you’ve been through. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and looking forward to hearing some wonderful news 🍀❤️ x x
Lost count the number of times I’ve said I wished we had a crystal ball. Given your previous experience, it’s an understatement to say this must be doubly daunting. Just - keep the faith. ❤️ All will be well my sweet lady xx
Everything you’re feeling is completely understandable and I’m sure you’re right that even when you see that little heartbeat tomorrow the worry won’t stop but we’re all here rooting for you and hoping it’s a cake day tomorrow. Xx
You’d best try and eat cake on that plane in honour of me just in case! x
Thinking about you both tomorrow. Your posts are always so well written. I wish you lots of luck tomorrow and hope that you will be having lots and lots of cake 🍰 xxx
I don’t blame you for not wanting to go. These awful on the edge ‘Could be brilliant/Could be heart breaking’ moments, where there is such an excruciatingly thin line between the emotions it will bring, they can send us to utter despair or give us some huge hope for the future another, we all know them only too well on this journey... they seem able to kill a little bit inside us yet also somehow make us stronger all at the same time.
I think I can speak for everyone in saying we will all be there in spirit with you & Mr Emu in that dark room tomorrow, willing how ever many peas there are on with all our positive energy and hoping you’ll be tucking into one enormous slice of cake tomorrow. Having been able to hit the gin after my failed cycle last week it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I wish you cake and lots of it. All the very very best x x
Awww honey. Big hugs. Hope you’re enjoying both gin and cake filled with hope. I remember only too well hitting the gin last year... I do hope it’s cake. But I’m someways that just feels scarier. Thanks for checking in xx
Gin to wash painkillers down, been a killer of a week, angry Endo always follows a BFN & boy is it angry at the mo. You know somethings wrong when you can’t face cake! Hopefully back on it soon. So there’s more for you and that can only mean a good thing for tomorrow’s scan! It’s going to be scary whatever, I get that totally, but hopefully one day we’ll get to bask in the glow of a happy ending and know it was worth all this trauma!! Thinking of you and wishing u all the luck in the world 😘
Good luck for tomorrow; I can emphasise completely as I went through the horror of having a scan at 6 weeks to be told “ nothing was there” SHOCKED doesn’t quite cover it; even though I’d been bleeding heavily to hear was traumatic. It’s something you never forget and I think I would be too scared to scan early again.
I’m rambling just wanted to say I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best. Truly hope it’s cake you can have 🍰
I remember that feeling well. Dreading scans because of my history. But the last time I’d dreaded it so much was the one we had when we’d finally got signed off at the clinic. I was a mess in reception before, shaky hands and lots of tears and the relief I felt when all was well, I can’t even describe how I felt! I really hope that you experience that relief tomorrow. Good luck. Ps, make it chocolate cake! 😉 xx
Urrgghhh my stomach hit the floor when I saw your post! I can only imagine a fragment of how nervous you both must be feeling! Positive thoughts and hugs sent your way!!😘 I'm hoping with all my heart you get to have a huge peice of cake🍰.....I'll be have a huge gin to celebrate for you guys!!🤞🍸xxx
Oh big fingers crossed for both. Soo hope it is good news and your peas are progressing well 🤞🤞🤞. Such a daunting time. I remember it well but think I knew deep down. So hopeful for u 🤞xx
Indeed. I remember crying the day before and not really knowing why but did once found out but at same time cud been extreme nerves or both. So hope it good news and lots of cake for u. U deserve it 🤞🤞
I am wishing you so much cake 🍰 I really hope this is you’re time, with everything you’ve been though it’s so deserved have everything crossed for you xxx ❤️
Gosh I feel the same way and I haven’t even begun our next cycle!
You feel like you’ve failed before you’ve even started and although you know it could be an exhilarating end you don’t know if you really want to endure the rollercoaster ride leading up to it!
All those G forces take a toll on our bodies 🙃
Oh gosh I’m really hoping for good news for you tomorrow. I’ve already had far too much cake and not even an ounce of good news to show for it 🤣
I’ve got everything crossed for you today. It’s a long scary road and hopefully today is one more milestone crossed off the list. It does get a little easier with each milestone you achieve but the ability to really enjoy pregnancy is just another one of those things that the cruel journey of infertility robs us of x
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