Has anyone felt pessimistic and got a... - Fertility Network UK

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Has anyone felt pessimistic and got a BFP?


Another one of my silly questions - but any ladies felt pessimistic about their cycle and got a positive result?

Been reading a lot about being positive during the IVF cycle and how it can benefit the outcome....

Is this actually true?? Or is it another way to make us feel guilty or bad about ourselves....

Although I am excited to get going on my frozen transfer - I just don't believe it will work! I am already researching the cycle after with a new clinic.

Am I mad??

No idea how to get this feeling out of my system....


16 Replies

Sending big hugs to you xx

No, it’s not true. Your level of optimism will have no bearing on the outcome, whatsoever... What will be, will be.

However, what it does affect is your state of mind: how you feel in the process; how quickly you perceive time to be moving; and your ability to approach other aspects of your life while doing IVF, with energy and positivity. So maybe a positive & optimistic state of mind is better for your general well-being & for preserving the things you enjoy in life.

Personally I am often pessimistic, but that’s about preparing my mind for failure, so I am less hurt if things go wrong. I’ve had to learn to be more optimistic, because IVF is a long road & life would just close in on you if you are down and pesssimistic the whole time. Hope is a beautiful thing.

Fingers crossed that your little embie will be the right one and will do what it needs to 🤞🤞 It’s out of your hands now and you have every chance of success xx

Hidden in reply to Wishfully

Thanks this is such a good answer. I think you are so right that being pessimistic is a protective mechanism and definitely feels like it may make a negative result easier to deal with. I think I am scared to get disappointed again...

I am trying to be positive and actually feel positive about other aspects of my life - just have a bit of a block with this IVF process. Everyone must be similar on here - having to deal with tons of negative test results at the end of every cycle for a long period of time. You are right though a somewhat positive approach would make the cycle easier, being negative takes so much energy. ;)

It is reassuring to hear that it does not change the outcome though!

I am working on being more positive :)

Thanks for your advice.


Lilli79 in reply to Hidden

I see myself as a very positive person but on our 2nd round of icsi we only got 4 eggs (first time around we got 9) and I was googling adoption etc. within an hour of leaving the clinic. I was so down, but my husband was way more positive than me. Turned out fine in the end, but I would agree with Wishfully that unfortunately no amount of optimism or pessimism will lead to a positive result. But certainly being positive helps you deal with everything after, I think pregnancy is really tough but even more tough for us ivf ladies. Every day is a milestone. Good luck for your transfer xxx

Yes we always tend to blame ourselves, maybe I should have done this....or not done that....but I think the only thing we can do is hope for the best and try and stay healthy.

My first fresh transfer was BFP and last 2 frozen we’re BFN. I did absolutely everything this last time, ate healthy, gentle exercise, positive thoughts etc. 2 embryos transferred. I even took a week off work after transfer, but still BFN. I really don’t think there’s much we can do, apart from HOPE LIKE HELL!!!

I hope everything does go well for you honey, I have my everything crossed for you. But if all else fails, remember to look outside the ‘box’ and consider donor eggs, surrogacy or even adopting. The answer is not to give up hope and always have a contingency plan for ‘what to do if this doesn’t work’.

Let me know how you get on chick xxx

Hidden in reply to Jmaw

Thanks :) Aww we are have a bit of time yet before we consider donor eggs, surrogacy and adoption.

But know what you mean about thinking about what next - it is a good strategy.

I am enjoying being healthy to be honest - it has had a positive effect on my life taking a bit more care of my body for sure.

Here is to hoping like hell!



Jmaw in reply to Hidden

Good for you and good luck xxx

It’s not the same thing exactly. But me and my fiancé had been trying for over a year. I’d been to GP, got all my bloods done, they were fine. My periods were regular, so that was fine. The next step was my fiancé getting his sperm tested. I was in the process of encouraging him to get a move on. I’m a pessimist by nature and I was convinced there was something wrong with me, and that I would never ever get pregnant. We sort of gave up a little bit. In February I got a BFP by complete surprise. Unfortunately I miscarried at 10 weeks. I’m so negative, I’m not sure if mind set has any impact. But it’s something I would really like to try changing. I keep trying to be positive, but it’s so hard. I’m 34 now, and it’d be like re wiring my brain completely. I’ve always been a glass half empty kind of person. Can I change, even now? I hope so.

Hidden in reply to Kathryn1984

I can understand this - I have to say I am positive that it will eventually happen for us - but just not super positive about this next cycle.

No basis for this of course!

Is your OH the same? Or he is more positive?


Kathryn1984 in reply to Hidden

He is very much what will be will be. He doesn’t invest too much emotion into it. I’m lucky that I fell pregnant naturally. So we’re just going to carry in trying for another 6 months or so before fertility testing. But he doesn’t have the monthly reminder. He can pretty much put it out of his head. We women can’t as much. And especially ladies going through IVF cycles, it must feel like it’s at the forefront of your mind all the time

Hidden in reply to Kathryn1984

yes it totally is - and I know my OH should be 100% supportive - and he is, but I need to remind myself not to make everything about the IVF cycle in our relationship.

We are trying naturally too in between cycles - but I miss normal sex haha non-baby making sex! ;)

We are definitely not able to forget going through this every day.

I am determined to keep positive! So hard.

I am hoping you get a positive result soon.



Have any of you tried mindfulness. There are loads of apps and ivf/Fertility specific ones. I've been doing it on and off even before the fertility journey. When I'm consistent with it am I'm a generally better place, sleep better and am more able to cope with stressful situations. It really helps me but I understand it's not for everyone. My partner says it only helps people without real problems which makes me laugh.

Wishfully in reply to Hidden

Which app do you use? x

Hidden in reply to Wishfully

Headspace for general. They also have a pregnancy one for when you get your bro and mindful ivf for during cycle.

Hidden in reply to Hidden

Yes you are right and like your boyfriends attitude ;)

I think everyone has this to some extent...

I will try headspace again - totally agree that if you feel positive the rest of your life seems easier sleep etc.

Very true.


We only had one frostie and were so convinced it wouldn’t even survive thawing we were talking holidays on the way down to the transfe, more of the same in the 2ww then on OFTD I didn’t even give the stick a chance to get s second line just thought it was negative and threw it down in a huff and cried!! Wasn’t till my husband looked and saw a BFP even then we both didn’t think we’d get a baby at the end! Thankfully all went well and our son is now a year and a half. So nope don’t worry about feeling pessimistic because in the IVF world it’s so hard not too! Wishing you lots and lots of luck xx

Hidden in reply to LHow81

Awwww such a sweet story. 💓💓💓 That makes me feel a lot better xxx

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