IVF alone

[DanniJones]

DH is terrified of clinics, hospitals and doctors. He accompanied me yesterday to the waiting rooms at Spire but had to leave. He's said he's so sorry but just couldn't do it. I haven't mentioned to him how I feel about the process in a way I'm giving him moral support but I need it to. Is anyone in a similar situation? Or is anyone else able to attend my appts with me or go through this process with me?

[destiny121]

Hi danni, this is annoying isnt it...you’re in this together.... i mean who does like hospitals, clinics etc?? How desperate is he for a baby? Is he the one with the fertility issue? Or joint? To be honest my partner only came with me for a couple of appointments, that was to do his bit (sperms), the information session when i got my meds and then for transfer.... he didnt have to come for transfer but i asked him too..... if he cant manage a visit how would he feel doing th sperm etc.... i think you need to have a good talk about it and let him know how much it means to you.... good luck my dear xx

[DanniJones in reply to destiny121]

Hi! I'm 23 and he's 48 has had two children from previous marriages. We've been trying to conceive for over two years and as he's a mans man he hates the fact he can't give me a baby naturally. It's a real phobia of his - sweaty palms, palpitations and not knowing what to do in places with doctors. We decided to go private and yesterday evening while having dinner - he brought up the money situation (where private hospitals charge for everything) and said for me to make sure how much they're charging and what for etc. I did show him how much the price was for the ultra scan but because he wasn't there I couldn't tell him prices while having bloods done which followed it... we have no money struggles it's not about that - it just seems if he was more into the process he'd know what is going on. I suppose the fact that he knows the price but then to get me to do it alone and then bring up money for something like this is a slap in the face and it did annoy me I won't lie because I've been the one to support him. My ovaries are strong and I am very fertile. We shall wait for his sperm testing - we've gone for the advanced x

[destiny121 in reply to DanniJones]

Ohh.... i see more of the picture now... as he has 2 children already... do you think hes as keen as you for a child? Just because you have the money doesnt mean you should do it all alone.... you need to talk to him my lovely as you’ll need his bits to achieve an embie.... xx

[DanniJones in reply to destiny121]

Yes he's booked in for the sperm testing for next Tuesday and our journey starts. He said he's really sorry because of his fears and of course he'll be there one million percent for the birth - but unless he's seriously needed to go in then he'll be waiting in the car outside xx

[Hidden]

We have to attend the appointments together at my clinic otherwise they wont see us!

X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

A good point. He will need to be there for some appointments for checks, signing the consent forms etc

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am glad to have him with me - but say for instance this month he is travelling for work and I got an early cancellation appointment and he cannot attend and therefore they would not let us have the appointment. Very frustrating - but I can see their point.

Scans I can go on my own they don't mind - just the follow up consultations need to be both of us.

It might depend on the clinic - we are NHS and yes he has to sign everything and be present.

x

[Hidden]

The only time I went alone was when I had all my scans during my injections as it didn't make logistical sense for us both to go. It was fine.

Why is he so worried? I would try talking to him about this, you will need his support when you go for egg collection and for embryo transfer. It's a lot to go through on your own in my opinion. What will he do when he needs to give a sperm sample?

Perhaps you could compromise and he can sit out the routine scans etc but be there for the big moments? If all else fails, is there anyone else who can support you? Xx

[DanniJones in reply to Hidden]

A lot of his family had gone into the doctors and not come back out... so it's just the fear. I don't mind doing the routine scans and all that jazz but he knows that I'm alone in all this. I don't have family and we've only recently moved to Marlborough/ Hungerford area I've not been able to make any friendships as it's that kind of place. Who knows!xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to DanniJones]

Most fertility clinics offer a counselling session alongside treatments. Is counselling something your OH would look into? xx

[Hidden in reply to DanniJones]

I understand this is a genuine fear but what about when you go into labour? Or if your child gets poorly and requires hospital care? I agree with Tugsgirl, perhaps he should get some counselling to help xx

[Cinderella5]

You definitely cant do this journey with your OH not going to some of the appointments. There may be times when you can attend the odd scan by yourself but if he's really as keen as you to get onto this journey he will have to try to get past his fears....whatever they may be. He will need to be there for some bloods I suspect and consultations with the Dr's along with signing consent forms for treatment and embryo transfer, not to mention supporting you through egg collection....you will be heavily sedated through this and wont be allowed to leave without someone with you afterwards. The emotional support is the biggest thing for me and he should want to do that for you, as you are for him! For odd things I took my mum with me and one of my friends offered to support me too but I guess this all depends on who and if you want to tell anyone.xx

[Lilli79]

Hi Danni, there are a couple of appointments where he won't need to be there - my husband only came to the initial consultation, the planning appointment (where you have to sign forms) and EC. He didn't come to any scans or ET. But I would say that he really needs to be there for EC, aside from having to give a sperm sample he needs to be there for you after. It's an uncomfortable procedure and you'll need someone to drive you home, both clinics I've been to wouldn't let me leave unless I had someone with me. Other than that I'd echo other comments - what about baby scans, and the birth? It would be awful if he couldn't be there for these. Nobody really likes hospitals, unfortunately it's something he'll just have to deal with. Good luck xx

[Hidden]

I really hope he changes him mind and realises you need his support! I couldn’t do any of this without my husband. I hate needles and he’s the one injecting my Clexane everyday and the ivf drugs at the time. It can be a tough journey and you both need to really want it, commit to it and support each other during the ups and downs x

[DanniJones in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely! I'm sure he'll come around I know he'd be waiting in the car outside for me but that's as far as he can do x

[Hidden in reply to DanniJones]

At least he’s there waiting! Maybe he’s got an intense phobia. As long as your ok and feel supported that’s the main thing and I wish you lots of luck xxx

[Hidden]

I echo the other ladies. He will need to be with you for EC at least and to give sperm samples in and complete forms etc. My OH is terrified of needles and passes out if he has to give blood! When i did my injections he took a chair into the kitchen for me and made me a drink afterwards but he couldnt even look at the needles lol. Its a tough journey and some guys feel that its best leaving us women to sort it out as they may be stepping on our toes, getting in the way etc but we need to make them aware that we need their support. IVF is an emotional roller coaster and can be physically and mentally draining X

[AnnieAnnie]

Hi Danni I just want to wish you lots of luck. I know how it feels to live away from family and friends. My husband also works away for 2 weeks at a time. Your OH will need to go to appts to sign consents, to do a sperm analysis and to have blood tests (maybe ask your clinic if they could do this all in one appt for your OH to help with his phobia) ours were done over 2 appts and so 2 trips to the clinic. I did all my scans for my first cycle and all of my injecting myself as my OH was away for work, but he did come to EC and ET. I had a general for the EC so definitely needed someone there and was glad it was him. You could do ET on your own but it would be a shame for your OH to miss it xx

[DanniJones in reply to AnnieAnnie]

Absolutely! I'm going to keep letting him know it's an important part and it would mean a lot if he could come in. He had a small cyst taken out today in the doctors a very minor procedure and he was sweating profusely bless him! I won't put him under any pressure where it's not needed he will definitely be waiting for me for EC xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

My mum came to an appointment with me that my hubbie couldn’t make. A lot of appointments I did on my own but wouldn’t want to do EC or ET alone.

[Yammie1973]

I know that this is a while ago now but I can agree with the replies on here, this journey is a journey of two halves....nobody likes the idea of being in a clinic even if just watching a partner go through scans, bloods etc. I am extremely lucky in that my DH said we would be there for each other regardless of just a blood test or being there for when i came out of theatre from Egg Collection. Most clinics offer fertility counselling, sounds like your OH NEEDS to get a few things straight and you need a safe environment to voice your concerns and feelings....all the unspoken stuff will dramatically affect how your body responds to IVF....OR is that his idea???