Expecting disappointment - 3/13 eggs fertilised with ICSI

[DizzyDeeDee]

Hi! This is my 4th fresh IVF cycle but this is the first time I’ve reached out for support. I have never had a successful pregnancy and I’m losing hope.

In the first cycle, we had 5 eggs collected and one embryo transferred.

In the second, we had 9 collected and again only one successful embryo.

In the third cycle, I had a great response and had 15 eggs collected, 2 embryos transferred and 2 frozen but ultimately nothing implanted.

So, that brings us to now. Yesterday, I had 13 eggs collected and we had the call this morning to say that 10 were used for ICSI but only 3 have fertilised. I’m just finding it so hard to stay positive when we are having so little success and I feel like we have been here so many times. I know it only takes k”one good embryo but I feel as though I’ve already resigned this cycle to failing as I can’t see how things could be any different with these low fertilisation rates and my history of failed implementation.

I guess I just wanted to tell someone how I was feeling as I don’t know where else to turn!

[Savvy_teapot]

Sending kind thoughts to you! It's so heart breaking. Fingers crossed for your fertilised eggs 💜 So much you don't have control over. And you have done everything you can. I have never seen a positive either and having 3rd Rd soon. My partner said only last night to me don't write yourself off yet. Although it's hard to believe!

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Savvy_teapot]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply 🥰 you are so right- you just wish there was more you could do though. You feel very powerless! When are you starting rd 3? Xx

[Savvy_teapot in reply to DizzyDeeDee]

In June! Hope you are doing ok 💜

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Savvy_teapot]

Hey so thoughtful of you to check in. We had a cavitating morula transferred on Tuesday. I was gutted because in all of our other cycles we have had at least one make it to the blastocyst stage. I understand the odds are slim with morulas so not holding out much hope. However, as I’m sure we all do, I have been torturing myself by searching for success stories 😂

June- not long to go for you now then! How you feeling about it?

[Savvy_teapot in reply to DizzyDeeDee]

Thinking of you and have my fingers crossed. Hopefully back in a cosy place 💜 Yes not long now. We are currently getting away from it all in Scotland. So real life doesn't feel very real if you get what I mean. I think I will feel differently when I go through the round our last was in November so defo had a break!

[AuroraXen]

Ahhh love. I'm sorry you're disappointed, I completely understand why though. You've got great numbers of eggs the last 2 rounds so to have few fertilise is naturally going to be hard. I have no words of wisdom except for those you already know 😘 Right now you have to just focus on hoping those little embryos make it! And there's every reason they will. It's all just the worst but remember lots of people have the same experience, a run of failed transfers, and then suddenly they get lucky. We have to hope that could be us 🙏 Sending you lots of love xx

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to AuroraXen]

Thank you so much 😘 I know, my husband is trying to keep me feeling positive about the little embryos we do have and I know I need to try a bit harder! The only thing we have is hope so we better hold on to it! Thank you again. This process can make you feel so alone and it’s nice to know there are others out there xx

[Missl73]

I’m so sorry this must be really hard on you. Sounds to me like the sperm needs more investigation if those are your fertilisation rates with ICSI. Has your partner seen an expert on the sperm side? (I can recommend someone). Or had a sperm DNA fragmentation test? Has he been on an improvement protocol to try and improve the quality of his sperm? When we swapped from ICSI to IMSI our fertilisation rates improved significantly.

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Missl73]

Hey thanks for your message. We did have a few more tests done after the last cycle, including the sperm fragmentation, and the Dr recommended my husband use proxeed for a few months. This time they did PICSI and said that 75% of the sperm were of good quality. I know they have said before that my eggs have quite a tough shell so I have a feeling that’s what the problem is?

I just had to look up MICSI! Not heard of it before. I’m not sure our clinic offers it. So glad it’s helped you though. ☺️ Xx

[Pupster83]

It is such a shitty journey but please don’t lose hope! I had 4 fresh cycles with ICSI, only ever got 3, 5, 2 and 4 eggs from each retrieval and the rounds with 3 and 2 eggs we got nothing that was usable for transfer. The round with 5 eggs we got one usable embryo which I miscarried at 7 weeks. I went into round 4 fully expecting it to fail and really just going through with the cycle cos we had 1 round left on the NHS and didn’t want to waste it. I had already spoken to a private clinic about an appointment for donor eggs in Spain as I wanted to be ready to move on when it didn’t work and we had agreed we weren’t going to keep trying my own eggs if it wasn’t working. My husband has always been able to be much more positive than me and convinced me that we should put everything into the last round so we would know we’d given it our all if it did fail. Of the 4 eggs collected, 2 fertilised and were transferred at day 3, miraculously one stuck and I am currently 27 weeks pregnant today. I hope this brings you some hope that is when it seems like all is lost it really only does take that 1 lucky egg to work. Good luck! X

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Pupster83]

Wow- thank you for sharing your journey. What a rollercoaster and congratulations on your pregnancy!! Wishing you all the best 🥰 You must have been through all these feelings too- it’s nice not to feel so alone.

We have been lucky to have had a total of 6 good embryos transferred. In a way it’s harder knowing that they don’t stick though. It feels like such an emotional journey just to get the little embryos and then even when we are told they are of good quality, there are still problems with implantation. I have wondered if maybe we need to go down the egg donation route. It’s so expensive though! And I thought the ivf was expensive!

If you don’t mind me asking, why did you choose to look at clinics in Spain?

[Pupster83 in reply to DizzyDeeDee]

Thank you. Fertility treatment is definitely a rollercoaster of emotions and sometimes it is so hard to stay positive but I really hope your time will come soon!

I looked at Spain as I wanted to donation to be totally anonymous and there are a lot more donors. As far as I could tell, (others who have done it here may know more) if you got donor eggs from the Uk then a child and the donor have the right to find out who each other are once the child is 18. I totally understand that when a child is adopted and someone else has given birth to it and potentially been part of its life for a period but I felt when someone was essentially donating a mass of cells, we would be using my husbands sperm and I would potentially be giving birth to the baby and raising it that I didn’t want there to be that option of contact later in life. I think it is a very personal choice and everyone is probably different in how they feel about it. Also, the clinic told me that there were very few donor options on Scotland and that as I’m tall the matches would be few and far between and that I would have a much better chance of a physical match in Spain.

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Pupster83]

That makes perfect sense and something I hadn’t even considered. I think I’ll have to do a lot of research before considering that route from the sound of things. Thank you for explaining!

[Jana483]

I had 4 fresh cycles (and 2 cancelled the day right before egg collection)

I always get around 12 eggs and cause of my husband's poor spem only 3 or 4 would reach day 3 (I am not even allowed a day 5 transfer)So I know exactly how you feel, when you get eggs and then so little fertilizes but it does only take one!!!

I have a 2 years old daughter and currently pregnant.

So don't lose hope, even if you have a low fertilization rate like I do and can only do 3rd day transfer or can work out!

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Jana483]

Thank you so much for your message. And congratulations on your daughter and pregnancy! It’s always inspiring to hear the success stories! I will keep holding on to the hope you have given me xx

[Jana483 in reply to DizzyDeeDee]

It makes me happy that I can give some one hope!I still remember how my first cycle got canceled then the next cycle I was elated when I got to egg collection and got around 14 good eggs and then only 3 fertilized (only 3rd day) and were not the best quality (transfered all three) and negative! I was devastated!

Then I kept reading how it only needs one and would feel happy if my eggs even got fertilized due to husband's very bad sperm.

[Loma1]

Hey, I’m really sorry to see that you’ve been through 3 failed implantations. It’s no wonder you’re finding it so hard to stay positive.Our journey was 3 egg collections and we only ever got one egg for implantation (ICSI)

We were in two minds about going ahead with the implantation due to the stats of being successful (I was 40)

We checked all we could, we had the egg genetically tested and went through an ERA. I changed my diet to ensure optimal thyroid functioning (excluded gluten for example) and I did hypnotherapy and acupuncture, took time off work before and after implantation and spent days walking and looking after myself to minimise stress. I took advice to be supremely positive and as I had one chance, to do everything I could and have no regrets. From implantation day, I was pregnant. It worked and I now have a 5 month old boy. Remember to look after you mind & your body as this process is savage. Try to be kind to yourself - whatever your mind says, your body hears!

I’ll never forget those tears and am sorry you are going through that now. Wishing you all the luck there is X

[Bomboncita in reply to Loma1]

Hello, just read your message. May I ask what kind of diet did you follow to regulate your thyroid?

[Loma1 in reply to Bomboncita]

Hiya, I found a functional medicine practitioner who checked bloods etc and worked out supplements I required in addition to a diet cleanse/reset period of 8 weeks when I had no dairy, no sugar (including fruit sugars) and gluten free (including oats as well as wheat) … then continued to be gluten free after.If you Google gluten free and thyroid you’ll find lots of info about how the protein mimicks your thyroid hormone. The proteins in oats are a similar shape so they are to be avoided too. If you want more info I’ll be happy to share - DM me X

[Bomboncita in reply to Loma1]

Wow, was it tough to adjust your diet? Thank you for sharing your experience 🙂

[Loma1 in reply to Bomboncita]

Depends where you are in your journey. For me, I wasn’t going to spend a long time in it, I was giving everything for a few attempts. It ended up being 2 years which I could handle. After 2 months I realised I’d never felt so good and looked really good - so that helped!! X

[Rainbowbaby22]

Hi I just want to give you some words of encouragement. Out of all the eggs that have been collected probably only a few will be normal embryos the rest will be abnormal. Your last ones could be your normal eggs. Stay positive hun . That's the main ingredients keeping positive. Im wishing you the best of luck hun xx

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Rainbowbaby22]

Thank you 😊 that is a good way of looking at it xx

[Ranchu90]

Don't lose your hope and feel deflated... I had 4 cycles in total, 3 of those we transferred 1 embryo per cycle as we didn't produce more than 1. Crazy enough I opted for PGS testing when we only had each cycle just 1 but I never lost my hopes neither giving up. On out 4th cycle we managed to get 4 blastocysts and 3 were PGS normal. Now I have 5 months old twins 🥰. I was just like you ... I remember posting here when my embryos were still in the lab splitting in thousands of cells, thinking that 4th cycle was another failure but wasn't, I was completely wrong. With the right clinic, protocol and embryologists you have a great chance to succeed. We went from 50-60% fertilisation rate to 90-96% when we changed the clinic and we had male factor. Stay strong my dear, you will succeed...just believe in that with all of your heart 💓💖 lots of lov..

[SpanishSunshineDays in reply to Ranchu90]

Which clinic did you go to that had the high success?

[Ranchu90 in reply to SpanishSunshineDays]

I went to Alicante, I will DM you the clinic name 😁

[SpanishSunshineDays in reply to Ranchu90]

Thanks!

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Ranchu90]

That’s amazing! I’ve never gone for the PGS testing as our numbers have always been so low and I would never have forgiven myself if the process damaged a potentially good embryo! We had karyotype tests done during our last cycle which didn’t show any problems so I assumed that lessened the need for PGS testing but maybe I need to reconsider that route. It would be nice just to have some answers about what’s going wrong.

I have wondered whether or not staying with the same clinic has been a bad idea but I’ve just not know what another clinic would do differently. How different was your successful cycle in Alicante?

[Katiluna in reply to Ranchu90]

Can I ask which clinic in Alicante you went to?

[Bomboncita in reply to Ranchu90]

Hi, did your partner follow any special recommendations?

[Ranchu90 in reply to Bomboncita]

Not really, he was on Menopur/Meriofert for over 3 months but that cycle we also produced one blastocysts that was mosaic. The successful one he almost done nothing, he had covid 2 weeks before my egg retrieval and he had few beers (thinking they will use frozen sperm) while we enjoyed Spain's sunny day's. That cycle he was careless somehow 😂😂 probably this helped him to relax more ...God knows 🤔

[Bomboncita in reply to Ranchu90]

👍👍👍😀

[Cotswoldmum]

It’s really hard, but remember it only takes one. My last cycle I only had 8 eggs collected, two fertilised and only one reached day 5 ready to transfer. Unfortunately that resulted in a chemical, but the second embryo managed to get to blastocyst on day 6 and was frozen. It’s currently wriggling around in my tummy at 27 weeks. Please don’t give up hope. Sending lots of love and strength xx

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to Cotswoldmum]

Wow congratulations! These are the stories that restore my hope I’m currently waiting for the day 3 phone call to see how the embryos are doing… I hate the waiting!

[Cotswoldmum in reply to DizzyDeeDee]

That’s why I stay on here, I loved reading about the positives when we were going through it all. Good luck, I have everything crossed for you x

[DizzyDeeDee]

Hi everyone- just had the call that 2 of the embryos have developed (one had 6 cells and one has 10) although they are both classed as “fair”. Most of our others have been good so struggling to see how a fair one would do any better than all of the previous failed “good”s but you are all right- I need to stay positive. Will just have to see what Tuesday morning (potential transfer day) brings!

[IVFat40]

Hello hun, first of all wishing you all the luck with the embryo you've had transferred, I've seen plenty of success stories on here who transferred morulas so it definitely can happen.

The other thing I wanted to suggest, IF you need it in future, is uterine natural killer cell testing. I struggled with implantation failure (I had 7 blastocysts transferred and either fail to implant or were early chemicals), then had the uterine natural killer cell testing (which came out high), was put on an immune protocol (mainly steroids, and also the endometrial scratch), and the next embryo transferred is now 23 weeks along. There is an implantation failure research project run jointly by Warwick University and Coventry Hospital (I think part funded by Tommy's), which you can self-refer to. I thought they were brilliant (it costs about £550 for two endometrial biopsies, including pre and post consultations and a recommended treatment protocol).

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to IVFat40]

Thank you so much for this information. I had been wondering about NK cell testing but it isn’t something my clinic offers. When you were recommended the new treatment protocol following the investigation, did you then take this recommendation to your clinic? Or did the same group who carried out the investigations do your following IVF too? Im curious as I wonder if my clinic would adjust my protocol based on investigations carried out elsewhere.

[IVFat40 in reply to DizzyDeeDee]

My clinic were same, they don't offer nk cell testing or anything like that. Like you say I just took the results and protocol from the implantation clinic to my IVF clinic, and they were willing to prescribe the steroids, which was the main thing (my clinic also do offer the scratch so they were fine with that). I think the fact that the implantation clinic is run within the NHS, and I believe the lead Drs are quite well known and well respected, helped my clinic to be willing to follow their advice. I did have to be fully vaccinated against covid to be prescribed the steroids (because they have an immune suppressing effect). To be honest for me if my IVF clinic hadn't been willing to follow the advice I would have changed clinics (but don't get me wrong that was also something I wondered and worried about, and changing clinics isn't always easy either).

[DizzyDeeDee in reply to IVFat40]

Thank you so much! It’s definitely something I’m considering if this one isn’t successful. My clinic offer the scratch (which I have had a couple of times but to no avail) so I know that wouldn’t be a problem. I will look into the research project xx

[Oddcat31]

So sorry to hear how challenging your journey has been. I am in the middle of my first cycle so I can’t offer any advice from my own experiences but wanted to send my thoughts and positive vibes for this cycle. Be kind to yourself x