3rd BFN

[Roxylife]

Hi there. So today we got our third BFN. It doesn’t get any easier. The first cycle we had a complication which meant I had to freeze the 8 eggs they collected (I was 39 then) and when the time came for thawing out only one survived which failed to fertilise. Then covid happened resulting in massive delays. 2nd round I was 40 and they collected 11 eggs, of which 4 fertilised, 3 made it to day 3 but were not of good quality (only 4 cells) they put all 3 back but they didn’t take. 3rd round I’m now 41, they collected 4 eggs, only one fertilised, it appeared to be good quality, 7 cells at day 3 so they transferred it, but it failed. We have male factor so used donor sperm for this third round. Follow up appointment with consultant this Wednesday but we’re running out of money (all 3 done privately) and the emotional toll is far reaching as I’m sure you all know! We’re considering going for a complete embryo donation from Czech, it’s a quarter of the price with much much higher success rates at my age. Anyone have any experience or opinions on this? I’ll have to come to terms with not having a child that is biologically linked to me or my husband. My husband supports this idea which I think is amazing bearing in mind he has two kids of his own from a previous marriage.

Thanks for reading and baby dust to all xxx

[Millbanks]

Hi lovely, so sorry to hear about your previous cycles. Those bfns are heartbreaking and Covid has really messed up treatment for a lot of us 😔I don’t have experience of this myself but a close friend of mine had donor embryos transferred in a Spanish clinic when she was 43 and now has 2 wild boys! People often comment how much they look like her even though they aren’t genetically hers… but she carried them for 39 weeks and her blood was pumping through then the whole time so the connection there is very strong. She’s never felt like they aren’t “hers”…

I think after wanting them for so long, once they saw that positive test result, the happiness overrode the concern. It was her 4th transfer.

Wishing you lots of luck xxx

[Roxylife in reply to Millbanks]

Thanks for replying Millbanks. Reassuring that your friend feels that way xx

[Emma672]

Hi there, that sounds tough 😢 I haven’t got any experience of donor embryos but we’re currently in the TWW after using donor eggs. We thought long and hard about the donor aspect, my husband in particular, but for us it was either donor or no child. We’re using my husband’s sperm so genetically speaking it will be his child, and although it won’t have my genes, I don’t think for one minute it won’t feel like ‘my’ baby. I’ll be growing it and carrying it for 9 months, giving birth, it will be mine all the way. Have a read into epigenetics, it talks about how your body can influence the how the baby’s genes develop in the womb. Good luck whatever you decide xx

[Roxylife in reply to Emma672]

Hi Emma. Thanks for replying and I’ll certainly look into epigenetics, never heard of that! Wishing you all the very best for your 2WW and positive test! Xx

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

If mentioning clinics abroad by name please use PMThank you

Janet

[Cheles]

Roxylife sweetheart, my heart goes out to you.I know how difficult it is to be told to consider donor assistance.I say take your time and think about it, maybe seek counselling before etc.Glad hubby is supportive.You are in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo!

[Roxylife]

Thanks Cheles! We had implications counselling when we used donor sperm last round and I’ve read a book regarding “modern families” which was excellent. You’re right though I need time to process what’s happened. Thanks for your message xx

[VariR]

Hi Roxylife, It's a hard road for some of us and my heart goes out to you. Sometimes it's so hard to keep going.

I would love to know how you get on with a donated embryo.

I'm starting to think about it too as I'm 43 years old. Been trying for a year now, my partner also had 2 kids from previous marriage and it took a lot of convincing to start trying for a baby. I thought I was over that hurdle, and now it's one obstacle after another since trying fertility treatment and I think I'm hitting Peri menopause as my periods are so erratic. I'm not sure how supportive he will be with a donated embryo but I wanted to find out if it's an option. My UK clinic said the it's difficult to come by an embryo in the UK. Much easier to use donated eggs, but my partner doesn't want to go down that route.