Surrounded by babies/pregnancies!

[crazycatlady95]

Trying not to feel so negative about being around babies/pregnant friends/family.

We have just recently found out that 2/3 of our 'couple friends' are pregnant, we are the 3rd couple and have been trying for 2+ years with no success, and the most recent pregnancy announcement they delighted in saying 'wasnt planned & didnt really want a baby' so gutting for us and its like they love to rub it in your face!!!

we've also got a family occasion in a couple of weeks with a family members new baby - im absolutely dreading it! I feel so awful as it is the first time we're meeting the baby - but i am just feeling SO low about the whole event. It is going to be filled with constant questions on when the rest of the family are going to start having children, and i really do not want to break down in front of them all!

how do you guys try to improve your mood around pregnant people/babies?

i dont want to stop seeing them, but at the minute its making my mental health suffer!

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi crazycatlady95. Sorry you're feeling so low about all these babies. Unfortunately, they are always going to be around, we can't do anything about that. Just for now, be careful who you spend your time with. With regards to the new family baby, if you really can't face it, then send a nice card with a voucher or some money in it and say you look forward to meeting little one soon. You don't have to go, even if you think the family will be "funny" with you, so what - look after you. Good luck with that. Diane

[crazycatlady95 in reply to DianeArnold]

thank you my lovely xxx

[E_05]

So sorry your feeling so low, in all honesty I now don’t go if mentally I’m not feeling strong enough. We was invited to a first birthday yesterday and our baby from our first Mc was due 2 weeks after this one, I couldn’t face going so just sent a message saying sorry we couldn’t make it but hope they all enjoy the party etc,didn’t even give a reason. I think I’ve learnt that self protection is okay and our own emotional health is far more important. I know you can’t avoid every baby/pregnant woman but for now be choosy who you spend your time with, I hope your feeling stronger again soon xx

[crazycatlady95 in reply to E_05]

thank you my lovely xx

[Dunla]

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re feeling low. I can 100% relate to the difficulties you’re having with pregnancy news and spending time with family members who have young family. I think if you’re feeling vulnerable, it’s important to look after yourself. As Diane says, you don’t have to go, send a gift and good wishes. It’s important to put yourself first sometimes xx

[Tugsgirl]

Could have written something similar myself so I can definitely relate. At least people understand on here. Sending you hugs 🤗 xx

[Mogwai_2]

I feel your pain and sadness. It’s brutal. We started trying 2 years ago and my colleague who got pregnant first month of trying is just back from mat leave after a year off. It really brings it home.

I’d only do what you feel won’t make you feel worse. I have cut a lot of situations with friends / family out my life. The only trouble is that sometimes it can leave you feeling more isolated.

Just do what feels right. This feeling I have come to realise from single friends is no different to how they feel when going to weddings or dinner parties on their own when surrounded by couples. That helped me normalise how I was feeling - incase it helps at all.

Take care, x

[Kyell2]

I’m not surprised that you feel so awful about it all. Family events are always a nightmare because everyone is sooo nosy and you just get put on the spot. Don’t go if it will upset you, your mental health is more important!

If it’s in a few weeks though you might feel a bit better then. These announcements seem to come in waves so I get upset and then it becomes bearable again.

Last Wednesday I had 3 pregnancy announcements before 9.30am. 1 for a friend who is on round 5 of IVF (woohoo on that one) and 2 in work... I just feel like saying you have to be freaking kidding me 😔

[Cal1240]

Hi, sorry to hear your feeling low for the moment. I can totally relate. We have been TTC for 2yrs + too and haven’t really shared this with anyone. I don’t want people to pity us. I was the same position this weekend when a pregnant friend of mine was making me feel guilty about not making her baby shower (which happens to be at the other end of the country)the same friend who didn’t want kids a year ago and who I had to support through an abortion while we were at university! I really don’t want to tell her but it’s making me infuriated even thinking about having to go!this is the first time I have ever posted but i related to you post. Hope you feel better soon hun x

[Cal1240 in reply to Cal1240]

And I just realised I didn’t answer your question... mainly because I am still trying to figure out how to manage this all better! Sorry I can’t be of more help, I wish I could be.

[crazycatlady95 in reply to Cal1240]

thank you for being so brave to share that with us. I too feel like that. its horrible to be angry at people that just throw away a chance to be a mother! obviously there is certain circumstances when it is necessary, but it still fills me with anger! but we will get on with our lives & hopefully all be mothers to beautiful children. sending love x

[Cal1240 in reply to crazycatlady95]

Thanks for the support. I feel glad to have found this group as I don’t really want to share with too many people... I don’t want people to ask me about it all the time. I hope you are feeling better today. We will get there I’m sure stay positive x

[crazycatlady95 in reply to Cal1240]

no problem! yes it definitely seems to help me on here to be honest! everyone is in the same boat and we can all ask whatever we like and there will always be people with advice.

i also feel like im bugging my friends/husband if im always talking about it - but on here it's our life!

We will. sending love xx

[Cal1240 in reply to crazycatlady95]

Feel free to drop me a line any time even if it’s for a rant x

[TTCs]

Hey crazycatlady95! I think the majority if not all of the people on here can empathise with how ur feeling, especially when the "oh we weren't even trying" etc comments come into it. It is very insensitive! I personally find spending time with the babies ok but its the comments from adults that should know better that are the killers, are u 2 not going to try for a baby?? Etc. It's rubbish and i think it depends what frame of mind ur in with regards to how u can handle it and also who the comment comes from. If u are already feeling fragile at the moment it will undoubtedly make it harder. I have a christening on the day we are due to test after our first round of ICSI and not sure i will be able to face it if its bad news. Xx

[Pauleenka86]

Hey hunni.

My fiance's sister got 4 kids , one after another...and she is only 23... I had a problem with it before...I would not go near her or the kids...till I change my mind...I started to play with the kids and spend more time and I got strong bond with them however if my fiance is with them it makes me very uncomfortable lol.Im still learning to deal with it but it doesn't upset me if you know what I mean 😊

I know is easy to say but we all got diffrent timing... Try not to see what others got and you don't...Try to appreciate what you have and be grateful for it.

I read a lot of positive books and that helps a lot and yet again still got bad days from time to time but that's ok.Just remember there is people out there who would love to have what you have or do what you do 😊

Think positive ❤❤