Fertility Network UK
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Can’t get over failed IVF

Hi everyone, I am new to this. I’m not sure where to start or what to say really so sorry if I sound like I’m rambling.

Myself and partner had been trying for years and I eventually got diagnosed with PCOS. Then 4 years ago I had IVF which didn’t work. I was only 24 at the time and everyone was convinced it would work, even the nurses said I’ll be pregnant in 6 months. So when it didn’t work it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ever since then I just can’t seem to get over it and give it another go, we have one frozen egg left. I feel selfish that I can’t get it together and try again because I know my partner would love to be a Dad.

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since and although I wish so much to be a Mum I’m so scared to go through it again. I go through stages where I feel ok about it and then dark days where I just cry. Just wondered if anyone else has been through something similar. Thank you

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So sorry to hear what your going through, it’s a tough journey and I think the fear of putting ourselves out there for more heartache makes it even harder. We learn to protect ourselves and that can be by not going though more cycles. It sounds like you do want to try again though, have you tried counselling?

Also this forum provides such support, after my 3rd cycle (2nd FET) I was so sure I wouldn’t put myself through another cycle. It wasn’t until I joined here and started talking to everyone that I gained strength to go again, it’s continued to help me knowing there are people to turn to who truly ‘get it’. I hope you decided what’s best for you and your OH xx

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Thank you so much for your reply. It is really difficult, that’s why I’ve plucked up the courage to join this group and hear everyone else’s experience and try gain some strength.

I have tried counselling in the past and it did help for a while so maybe I should take your advice and go back.

Good luck with your journey. Thank you for replying it’s good to talk to people who ‘get it’ x

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I hope it helps, it was the best thing I did joining here - everyone is lovely!

I think it depends on the counsellor, I’ve spoken to 2, 1 I just didn’t click with but the 1 last year I found really beneficial.

Thank you, I’m only a message away if you ever want to chat xx

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Thank you so much x

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like E_05

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ooops sent too soon but I too would suggest counselling again..we had one we didn't click with and now have one that we feel is really helping..it is such a tough journey this and please try not to be too hard on yourself. joining here is a huge step forward and you have found a group of wonderfully supportive folk who have the strength of 10 million warriors and you are one too now..you have age on your side too which is great..xx

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Thank you so much. I already feel better since putting the post up yesterday. I’ve have a really supportive family but it’s nice to have support and advice from people who have experienced fertility problems.

Good luck with your journey x

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Hi katie, ive also had one failed cycle and looking forward to another. You must remember that this a journey...some journeys are short and some are longer. It will work out in the end, i appreciate a lot of people may say that it will work out but honestly it will. You’re young and age is on your side. Im desperate for a baby and if i have to go 2 rounds or 5 then i will. Like you im also suffering depression and anxiety, so im not going to allow myself to be put through all of these emotions and not get what i so desperately want. If you need any advice then this is the best place to come. Good luck with your journey whatever you decide xxx

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Thank you so much for your reply. You’re right in the things you say, some days I’m really positive, others im not but i will get there.

Good luck with your journey and thanks again x

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I would say it gets easier but it doesn't. Each cycle has been a tough journey. I tried counselling too but didn't found it helped. I can't help but blame myself as it's 'my body' where the problem lies. Ive just been feeling so guilty for my husband.

Just concentrate on you for now and getting yourself strong enough to try again. We are currently pregnant on our 5th cycle. I'm only 7 weeks 2 days and am petrified each time I go to the toilet thinking I'm bleeding. Had a few scares already and 2 miscarriages previously and just don't think I can go through it again. This hope inside me is keeping me going at the moment and I know I need to be strong and stay positive.

Just make sure you communication with your husband as it definitely makes you stronger. You're in this together. You can do this. Just take one day at a time xxx

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Thank you so much for your reply. I wish you all the luck in the world with your pregnancy. You seem like such a strong lady, I hope I end up with the strength you do.

It’s going to take time I guess but hearing everyone’s lovely advice and support has already made me feel better about things.

Hope 2018 is the best year yet for you x

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Hi, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time. I understand how you are feeling. I have struggled with anxiety and depression too. Last November I ended up having a complete breakdown as I’d been bottling it up and trying to keep going for four years.

Counselling was a life saver for me. I’ve also been for acupuncture and tried reiki. I found all of the above really helpful. I also find exercise helps me. Long walks out doors with the doggy have seen me through some dark days. Sometimes having a good cry along the way.

I had my 4th failed IVF last January and felt at that time I never wanted to put myself or indeed my husband through it all again. However 6 months after that, when I had started to feel stronger, we started looking into other treatment options and here we are now starting cycle number 5. We have decided that this will be our last attempt.

Please don’t feel like you have to be strong all the time and carry this on your own. This is hard and you’re allowed to be scared.

Sending you lots of love and very best wishes as you move forward on your journey, whatever the path may be xoxo

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Thank you so much for your reply. I also went through similar last year, I’d been bottling it up and then it got to the point where I wouldn’t go out and the depression and anxiety really took over.

I think Accupuncture may be helpful so I will look into that.

I’m wishing you all the luck in the world with your journey and thank you for your advice x

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Oh my goodness, you poor thing. I was the same. I wouldn’t go anywhere. I was off work for months. It’s crippling. Thankfully I am in a much better place at the moment and hoping you will be soon also.

I really hope you will find the acupuncture beneficial.

You take good care of yourself xo

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My dear take your time and do the transfer when you are ready. You are still very young so you have time on your side x

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Thank you x

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I think there's always that fear of starting again especially when the thought of failure is on the horizon again. I guess you just have to go with what your gut instinct is of trying again and when. As the others have suggested some counselling from the unit prior to trying again may help you move forward, it doesnt help everyone but worth a try. This forum is a great support and had helped me heaps so keep chatting to everyone here, I think a lot of the strength I have found is from all the inspirational ladies on here! Best of luck!xx

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Thank you so much. Going to do counselling again.

Good luck with your journey x

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