Humph

[Aleelilook]

I’ve never really felt infertile, silly as that may sound, until now. Being told my eggs don’t work has smacked me round the face. There’s no reason, not even an attempt of an explanation, they just don’t work, and it’s really bloody hard to come to terms with it. I’m really lucky in so many ways, and to find a donor so quickly has been brilliant, but I just want to know why. Could I have done something different? Was it my wicked ways in my 20s?! Or was I just born a bit broken? No real purpose to this post apart from to voice what I seem unable to do to others. People are so desperate to point out the positives, and no one will listen to how shit this all really is!!! Sorry rather miserable today! Xx

[Positive2022]

Hi lovely, i totally get how you feel! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a rough time right now. I recently found out that i have 'suboptimal ovulation'. Progesterone too low to sustain a pregnancy and causing suspected implantation issues. Started on meds ivf next step if this fails. What got me was the shock of being told I had a problem. I am very healthy with no significant medical history apart from asthma which is well controlled. Hubby and I lead a healthy lifestyle (eat well, exercise, never smoked, don't drink, take the advised vitamins, have healthy BMI's etc etc) and yet we're being faced with this cruel journey. You have put into words exactly how i've been feeling and I keep asking myself the same questions 'could I have brought this on myself, what have I done etc etc'. Even asked my Consultant this. As hard as it is, I keep trying to look at the future taking one day at a time and not think too much about the 'what ifs'. I do hope you are doing ok. Just wanted to say i understand and i'm here if you need a chat. Sending love and BIG hugs xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Positive2022]

Thank you lovely, it’s just so bloody rubbish isn’t it?! I thought I could deal with anything after 4 failed rounds, but this is a whole new world of shit! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you lovely xxxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Aleelilook]

It's such a s*** time isn't it?!? The journey can be so cruel. Have you got a good support network? I have everything crossed for you too, take care and feel free to message me any time xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Positive2022]

Thanks sweets x yeah my husband is amazing, I’ve got some great friends, and I see a counsellor, I just think these past couple of days have got on top of me, I’ll pick myself up again, we always do don’t we! Think I need to do some painting, that always helps xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Aleelilook]

So pleased to hear you have good support, makes such a difference. I'm lucky as hubby amazing and we have a very supportive family (but only told very few people). I start counselling on Wednesday. How have you found it? It's totally nornal to have up and down days, eapecially with this journey. This forum has helped me massively and given me somewhere to voice my frustrations. Painting is a good distraction for sure. We've just converted a room downstairs into a small gym, just had a workout and feeling more relaxed. Take care hun and sending you big hugs xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Positive2022]

I can’t recommend counselling enough, I’ve been going for a year now for various things, and he has definitely helped me through some dark times after my miscarriage, and Just general confusion and pottiness! Xx

[Positive2022 in reply to Aleelilook]

So pleased counselling has helped. I was a little unsure at first as i'm quite a private person and find opening up to people face to face sometimes difficult but hubby is keen and I think it will be a positive step. I'm truly sorry for everything you have been through. Just remember how strong you are. We're here for you on those days that you need to offload or simply if you need to coat. Take care and wishing you every success with your journey. My inbox is always open xxx

[Hidden]

Hey miss

I had the same though, like how does someone say you don’t work...

So when the moments I sit here feeling sorry for myself and hating the world or those that do things so easily like have a baby’s heart breaks a little to actually think well...

I have lost more than a few babies so something has to work and why can’t we fix what’s the broken bit.... why do I have to borrow another egg and only hope it works....

Like younothing to this post other than a feel low Saturday...

Here’s to getting back on the positive track one day soon it will work out 💪🏽