Hello everyone, I’m new to this forum but I’m so glad I’ve come across it!!
My husband and I have recently been given the go ahead for IVF after TTC for 3 years. We are due to attend an information session in a couple of weeks to explain the whole process which we are both looking forward to.
I haven’t told my work about the IVF and I really don’t want to. My manager isn’t the slightest bit discreet and I just know the whole office would eventually find out, which I really don’t want to face at this stage.
I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience. Is it manageable to keep work in the dark about it?
Any advice would be gratefully received.
Thanks xx
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Fluffysocks89
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Hey there! This forum is really supportive and helpful, so glad you’ve found it 😊
We are still in the testing stage but looking to be going down that route. I’ve had a few appointments to attend and I’m an hour away from home so it’s impacted my work a little.
I have a new boss who is a stand-offish chap and he was sort of fishing why I was having blood tests etc.
I did tel him I was having fertility tests. It was really hard as I got all emotional and started welling up, but actually I was glad I spoke to him as he was understanding and told me about pregnancy issues he and his wife had before their 2 kids.
I didn’t tell anybody at work... I always told my manager I had doctors appointments and they didn’t question me. Has they asked me I would have said it’s personal... so totally possible to work and not have anyone know xx
To be allowed off work for hospital appointments I have to provide the letter or an appointment slip as evidence so I had to tell my boss the reason. I did ask her to be discreet though and stressed that I wanted it kept private. She's been great actually and I just deal directly with her rather than the member of staff that usually sorts people being off. I know what you mean about keeping it quiet but I've found that I had to tell certain people that were essential. Good luck xx
I've managed to keep it secret from people at work. Have told them I have a hospital/doctors appointments and a procedure/small OP for EC. Have either made the time up or taken holiday 😉
I didn't tell anyone. I had all my appointments first thing (there was a great nurse at my hospital who just sort of knew I had a lot on at work and always gave me the first appointment of the day). I took leave for the egg collection and got signed off with a doctor's note for the 2ww for my first transfer, though that was unsuccessful. For my second transfer I was back at work within a few days as it helped me keep distracted. This one was a success
It is very possible to go through the process without telling work if you have an understanding partner/clinic. However I think it's important to have someone to confide it (family, very good friends) as it can be a tough process. My siblings were my support network.
I didn’t tell anyone at work but I work close to the hospital and an very flexible. I did say I had to have a small op when I had my egg collection as I needed the day off. It’s a very personal decision but do what you think is right for you. I’d like to think your manager could be discreet in this situation. Good luck with everything x
I didn’t tell anyone. I just arranged to be off an annual leave the week of egg collection and transfer. It can be a bit tricky because those dates are set in stone and will depend on how it goes once your treatment starts. I’m lucky enough that I can be flexible to change my leave about last minute. I couldn’t have trusted my manager to be discreet either.
I've gone through it twice and never said anything at work... That been said, my clinic and my work are 10 mins from each other, so I could pop in for scans and tests easily..
My husband recently started a new job and was concerned about this. For his appointment they have him a generic appointment card the hospital use (it just has the name of the health board). They put his address on a label and stuck it on.
We have both spoken to our employers since (in my team another goes today on mat leave!) and they have been understanding.
Hi I wanted to wish you very best luck with ivf journey!
It’s absolutely possible to keep quiet about ivf journey at work. I did it myself!
Of course it’s easier if your clinic is in relatively close distance to your work place as it will only help you to avoid unnecessary questions. I was very lucky in this case, I had only 20min walking distance to my clinic and I could’ve jump out my workplace for doctors app easily, no one made any fuss about them or even raised intrest and I need not let anyone details of my appointments to my employer too, it’s confidential after all. All is dependent on your personal reasons for ivf weather you will require further tests surgeries, scans more appointments etc too. The less you need the more comfortable you will be with keeping all quiet. We as a couple were unexplained, I was lucky to respond well to drugs and all seemed to be really as per book with scans dates stimulations etc. so lucky with this respect and despite uncertainty with process I managed to plan my work well around few appointments I had(no many really if I’m honest). I was able to not to disclose to anyone about the treatment and I was happy from it, the last thing i wanted is to explain other people at work, my employer that the treatment failed (had few failures)’ while I was in pain myself.
But it’s a personal decision what kind of disclosure you’ll do. With my last FET treatment I did in fact told my line manager, I’ve trusted her and I needed her more for listening my worries rather for escaping work. She’s my friend so it’s why I’ve told her.
Whatever you choose it must be your decision. You need also to trust people to involve them with such disclosure. Good luck to you💝
I have a similar situation with regards to 'nothing private' boss. I am about to start treatment in July and my work and clinic are 20 miles apart. For all my initial tests and rounds of letrozole I kept it vague. I do however think I am going to have to tell her when I start proper treatment due to the EC and transfer date not being fixed and it being summer holiday time. I'm planning on emailing her and saying I want it kept in strictest confidence. I think whatever seems the least stressful option go with.
I told my work mates and managers and the work mates have been great one of the other support workers told me she went thru ivf aslo she has been fantastic a real rock for me everyone has been great when i phoned one of them crying (when bleeding started 9 days after transfere) she came to let me home everyone has been saying the same just phone. Constant msgs asking how i am was hard when they asked how i was and it hadnt worked but they were all there for me waiting to give me a cuddle im a support worker so mayb in our nature to look after each other aswell i dunno. Managers well i wont go there. But for this round i have got them told how it will be and if they dont comply this time il just go relief or sign myself off again 😂 think hormones are still going mad in me cos never usually that brave 😂
Thank you all so much for your warm welcomes, wishes and advises. I really appreciate it. I hope all of your journeys are going well 💕
I think I’m going to try and keep it quiet for now and then if I really need to inform work I will do. So far I’ve been booking appointments off as leave and I’m hoping to carry on doing this.
I haven’t been in my current employment that long. I’ve only been here 9 months so I’m also worried that they won’t be very understanding if I do tell them.
I have confided in my older sibling, who has been amazing but it’s also good to hear from people who know and understand our situation.
I think it depends on the flexibility of your work. Sadly it wasn't possible for me as I was in my clinic most days before egg collection and my hours are pretty rigid. I couldn't have just rocked up into the office after an appointment or left early for one, without anyone knowing. I think everyone is different depending on their circumstances. I did a post about work and IVF quite recently which may be helpful for you to have a look at?
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