Gosh I’m having a tough day! In the past few months 5 of my friends have announced their pregnancies. I have two nieces who my mum and dad see regularly. They talk about them a lot and whenever I ring them they seem to be with them.
My husband works away a bit. I just don’t know how to deal with it. Crying doesn’t achieve anything. Avoiding my friends just makes me feel left out. Naturally when you have children they become your priority and you have less time for friends. It’s so hard. I’m just terrified it’ll never happen for me. I guess I need to make a new life for myself. I feel like I’m looking in through a window at everyone else together having fun and I’m left outside.
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!
Sorry to vent!! Does anyone have any top tops?
Xxx
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kitscat
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I know the feeling hun. It really is so hard 😩 all of my friends have except one who doesn’t want them anyway. Even friends that struggled the same time as me, now have them through natural conception. But I did fall pregnant before all of them in 2011 but misscarried at 8 weeks. Now I’m the one whose struggling 😩 life isn’t fair sometimes and I’m always trying to work out why hasn’t mine just happened like others. Another girl I know started ivf the month before me but then naturally conceived after 2 days buserelin 🤷♀️ She’s now 7 months. It’s so hard. Xx
Thank you for your reply. How do you cope? I just feel at a bit of a loss. I’m pretending I’m ok all the time when I’m not and it’s exhausting. None of my friends know what we are going through and maybe that’s the problem. My parents do but they aren’t particularly supportive. I just want to scream so loud!
It is hard but I guess they are my friends and I would rather be friends with them and have them in my life than not. The truth is, when they are pregnant and first born I feel so jealous but once they are a bit older it doesn’t faze me so much. Other people’s Children are so much harder to be around as they get older and I guess that’s how I cope 🤣 like, my husband cousin had a baby boy after our miscarriage and I feel so jealous seeing him, we then saw him 2 years later and he was a litte S**T, I didn’t feel jealous at all. Xx
I guess what I’m trying to say is I try not to dwell so much on what other people have because it’s not there’s that I want. I stay focused on my journey as I know when it happens it will be extra special. Many of my friends who have babies without the struggle are so jealous of my life too as I have the nice home and go on holidays and can spend quality time with my hubby whenever I want. Xx
This is so true. It isn’t theirs that I want, it’s my own. I do keep saying that it doesn’t matter what everyone else has got it’s not going to affect your outcome. That died help me to stay positive. Plus I have just started acupuncture which was great! Xx
Hi. I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. Most of my friends now have babies, or are pregnant. It’s really hard, and the way you are feeling is normal. So try not to be hard on yourself. I feel like everyone’s lives around me are moving forward, and we’re just stuck here. If that makes sense. But I just hold onto the hope that it will happen for us. Sorry I don’t really have any tips. Have you thought about counselling? I had a few sessions and found it really helpful. Always here for a chat xx
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and completely understand it. I’m in the same boat, so many of my friends have had baby’s since we’ve been trying and it suddenly seems like everybody I know is announcing their pregnancy. I had a miscarriage after my last cycle and the next day a friend of mine gave birth, I still haven’t found the strength to go round and visit her (for which I feel like an awful friend). It’s really tough both physically and emotionally, I have both good and bad days, but reading the posts on here helps me to know I’m not alone and there are lots of women in this boat with us.
I’ve only told a couple of friends (who I completely trust) about the miscarriage and IVF and find it does help to have somebody to talk to about it all, stops me competing bottling it up. I hope you are feeling better soon x
If she's a proper friend she will understand if you explain to her that although you are happy for her it's hard for you to be around new babies at this time.
Yes I know you’re right. She will totally understand. Just need to build up the strength to tell her. Always get emotional when telling people at the moment.
I feel exactly the same. You are not alone. In the time I’ve been doing ivf my sister, sister in law cousin and 2 best friends have all had babies and to be honest I’ve just lost interest in hearing the ‘ aww look how cute they are’ 🤦♀️ Pish!!
Keep on smiling keep your chin up and do something that makes you feel good. A spa day a night out a little holiday. There’s a number of things it’s more difficult to do when you have children. Do them all now and have fun. One day it will happen and when it does it will be amazing xxx
I find it helps me a lot to plan things to look forward to even something as seemingly silly like going out of the flat to a favourite cafe for a relaxing hot drink as I think it's a case of being thankful for the small things in life but yes it's bloody unfair having to wait for what you want when it appears others get it easy but planning nice things to look forward to does help and it's something you can do something about and tackle whereas others getting pregnant when you don't is one of those things in life beyond anyone's control that you can't change like most things in life are beyond anyone's control like the weather for example.
I think it’s the lack of control which is frustrating. But I suppose I can control my reactions and control how I can spend my time. I try to take each day as it comes. Thanks so much everyone. I definitely feel better today 😁
Hi Kitscat, totally understand how you’re feeling, i’m having the same tough day today as feeling really low about all of this. I am now the only one in my friendship group who doesn’t have kids or isn’t pregnant, and it just feels so lonely. My husband and I spend lots of quality time together but times when he’s got plans with his friends (the majority of whom don’t have kids yet), I just feel so alone and it’s such a struggle to find the energy to make plans with friends when they’re all dictated by their kids schedules.
Over the time we’ve been ttc, i’ve tried every self care tactic under the sun, and i’m afraid to say that i’m starting to feel a little bored with the spa days, massages, acupuncture, meditations, yoga and any other pampering that used to make me feel better. In a way I feel like these things are simply papering over the cracks and because i’ve been so focused on doing them for what feels like so long, they’re starting to lose their appeal. I’m really struggle to find things which keep me distracted from thinking about ivf, nothing seems to take my mind off it or give me any respite from the constant feelings of sadness and loneliness.
I’m getting back to counselling this week after a month’s break which I think will help, but it takes SO much energy to sometimes just get out of bed and face the day. I struggle to recognise myself in all of this.
Sorry, not really offering any useful tips there! But just wanted to say that you’re not alone in feeling this way, it’s really hard and i wish there was a magic wand to just bring some joy back into life because at the moment I feel like IVF is sucking all of that out xx
Hi. I just wanted to say I can totally relate to everything you’ve said. You are not alone. I feel in a similar boat with being the only one of all my close friends and family who hasn’t had a baby. I often just feel surrounded by pregnant people and babies and it can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes I feel scared about being left behind and it can feel really lonely. I do feel that having this site has really helped with that. I’ve also found counselling to be helpful. Knowing there’s a safe space where I can have a moan or cry if I need to and then can leave it behind. Like others have suggested, focusing on the wonderful other things I have in my life and also enjoying doing things I know I couldn’t do if I was pregnant or had a baby (e.g. food, drinks, holidays, pampering or spontaneous things with my partner) can be really helpful and I do try to do this as much as possible. But some days are just shit and so I’ve also learnt to give myself a break on those days rather than beat myself up about not being positive and I’ve found that quite helpful too. Never apologise about venting - that’s what this place is for because we all understand. Sending hugs your way xx
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