Negative : So after the long 2ww my... - Fertility Network UK

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So after the long 2ww my test this morning came out negative. I had been extremely sad and emotional since yesterday, and then the news this morning just broke me down. Finally something that can break me down, I used to see myself as a tough one. But then OH hasn't said a word to me since the test result, he hasn't even looked at me, Not even a hug, he thinks once an Ivf doesn't work it's the woman's fault. Is it common for the men to feel that way or it's just my OH? I don't even have any frozen embryo. I feel so alone right now.

16 Replies

Sorry for your bfn. They are very hard. Obviously not knowing your OH I can’t comment on what’s normal behaviour for him and what isn’t but I am surprised by his lack of support for you in this difficult time. Can you talk to him about it? Can you get him to understand? Is there anyone else to talk to, to give you a hug? Your Mum or a good friend? Just remember that it isn’t your fault despite what your OH thinks xx

Oluwa in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you so much ☺️. He's finally come around. He said he didn't wanna upset me by saying the wrong things so he kept to himself for hours. The doctor called that night and told him to take good care of me 😁

Tugsgirl in reply to Oluwa

Glad to hear it xx

So sorry for you lovely sending big hugs! Your OH is probably just tying to deal with it in his own way and maybe doesn’t know how to show his emotions properly over fear of upsetting you. You haven’t done anything wrong, give yourselves both some time to come to terms with this xxxx thinking of you xxxx

Oluwa in reply to Shanks_21

Awwwww, thank you. You are so right. He decided to keep to himself cos he didn't want to say the wrong things that might upset me the more. Now he understands more about Ivf and it's chances. 🤗🤗🤗

So sorry to hear this 😢 it’s so hard. I know when we got a bfn we both retreated into ourselves a bit. We soon came back together but did both need some time to process it - I know my OH was upset for me because he knew I’d take it badly as well as for himself. Because they don’t speak it’s sometimes hard to know what’s going on in their heads. Try to concentrate on you for now. Be kind to yourself and take one step at a time. You will need to go through a grieving process. Will you be able to try again when you are ready? Xx

Thank you 🤗 . He's come around now and more caring (I wish he was that caring during the process). He learnt more about Ivf and has a better understanding. Yes I will try again. I not have any frozen embryo though. I have an appointment in two days, then Ild know how soon I can start again. Xoxo.

So sorry but it's ok some of us been there so u will try again just relax and don't even think it's your fault never it wasn't meant to be . U will get u r BFP u have to think that way . Tell but husbsnd he needs to be mire supportive in this matter it takes two and the last thing u need is him blaming u for something u can't control . U need to sit down with him and express all that it's very important to talk about this it really make u bond with u r spouse . Before starting the next cycle please do take care of ur self physically and emotionally. Good luck with everything my dear and again it's not u r fault

Oluwa in reply to LadyMM

Thank you 😊. He's finally come around. He didn't know how to react and just got into a shell. He's read a lot on the forum and now understands what Ivf is all about. Ild try again but not sure of when.

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this.

Possibly your Oh needs time to process things. I find that men tend to process things differently to women and maybe he needs some time to collate his own thoughts. Thinking of you x

Oluwa in reply to Leesara

Thank you 😊. Oh yes, I gave him the time and space. He's now so sweet. He's learnt more about the process. It's his birthday tomorrow and I was so sure the bfp would have been the best birthday present. 🙈

Hi Oluwa

Sorry to hear that it didn’t work this time. I know how you feel, I got my bfn from first round of ivf about a month ago, honestly it took me two weeks to get back to normal. Give yourself time. It may seem like everything is going to be bleak forever but you will find the strength to get up and get ready for next round soon.

Don’t assume that your husband thinks it’s your fault, talk about it when you’re a little less emotional and make him see that a big part of it is also luck.

Keep strong.

Hola Oluwa,

I am very sorry. It is absolutely not your fault. What you need now is love, care and a hug. If you can't find it now in your husband I hope you can find it in your family or friends or that you feel some of our love and empathy here.

You know your husband better. With mine I can tell you that sometimes he is kind of paralyzed when he sees me sad, frustrated or angry. He doesn't know how to cope with it. Yours might need time to react. But if he really thinks it's your fault, he is wrong and unfair. Try and talk after he has had some time to think and process.

Sending you lots of love!!!

Oh Im so sorry to hear that you have gotten a BFN. Its such a shame that your husband cant be supportive, maybe his way of dealing with things is to just shut himself off so you dont see him upset as Im sure he'll be upset too. I do think that its important that you can have a talk together, its really beneficial to talk to each other so you can grieve together! Sending you big hugs xx

I have been in your shoes and I know how it feels. I have been TTC for 5years. I was so desperate to have a child so I had my first ivf cycle in 2015 which my DH was strongly against, when the result came out as a BFN, I was devastated,broken, traumatized. I suffered severe OHSS and felt like a failure so i reclined. It took me two years to heal and eventually open up and gave it another shot. Your doctor is in better position to talk to him and also explain that its a 50-50 chance but God will remember you like he did mine.

Hope you are doing ok.i see the post is about a month sorry it didn't work. Don't give up hope.

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