Survival of the fittest!!!

[Jonesjp]

I by no means wish to upset anyone with this post or am I saying that this is what I think about anyone else’s infertility, but in relation to my own infertility this niggling thought just keeps raising its ugly head and I just wanted to see if anyone else felt like this or if it is just my pickled head and if I should talk to someone about it!! Since the age of 4 I have been in out of hospital every few years for one thing or another, nothing life threatening, but operations on my eyes (unrelated to the eyesight condition I have now which is causing me to go blind) appendix, zapping dodgy cervical cells, replacement hips, numerous cataract ops and lasering, the whole going blind thing and now to top of off the bloody delights of infertility and all the invasive rubbish that involves. I’m coming up to 37 have never managed to get pregnant and I just wonder is this nature’s way of stop my dodgy gene pool getting any further! I know this reads like I feel sorry for myself and I genuinely don’t (but pi**ed off at times) but when you spend so much time trying to get pregnant and thinking and wondering why can’t I get pregnant, this niggle just keeps coming up, am I just not supposed to have a baby?! Now that thought upsets and scares me more than the whole blind thing and I just can’t shake it off! Please tell me I’m not the only one that has thought this??? X x x

[Choctastic]

I certainly feel like this at times so you're definitely not alone! If it wasn't for medical intervention I may never get pregnant and I sometimes think is that the way nature intended?? Xx

[Jonesjp in reply to Choctastic]

Thank for your reply hunny, even with this forum which is amazing, you do still wonder “is it just me that thinks like this” it’s so reassuring to know it not just me thinking like this!!

[penny24]

I've felt like this. I've done everything by the book as a child /adult and then to be told I have endo and my tubes are damaged and I need ivf. I've struggled with the diagnosis and the lack of explanation to why from doctors, then a failed round of ivf. You can't help but think maybe it's not meant to be.

However I'm preparing for my 2nd round so fingers crossed xx

[Jonesjp in reply to penny24]

It’s so frustrating isn’t it, we must run through every scenario and thought possible, it’s just this one keeps coming up in my noodle! Sorry to hear about your last round hunny, I’ll keep everything crossed for you for round 2 x x x

[Kyell2]

Ah I totally understand where you are coming from with this! My partner frequently said this when he found out he had some genetic issues.

I never knew what to say and the truth is 50 years ago we would just have been a couple with no chance of having a baby. But now we have a shot, albeit at a soul destroying and stressful process and all because of medical advances.

I suppose what I’m saying is I think what your right but maybe we now have a chance to fix it and don’t let it beat you xx

[penny24 in reply to Kyell2]

Kyell2 you are completely right

It shouldn't be this difficult! Our bodies should do as expected, but at least now due to medical advances we have a chance! Good luck to everyone xx

[Jonesjp in reply to Kyell2]

Thank you Hun, that’s a really good way to look at it, sometimes you just need another perspective! I don’t think I’d be quite insane without this forum!! X x x

[Kyell2 in reply to Jonesjp]

Me too! Sometimes I think I’m being really unreasonable with my strange thoughts and then I pop on here and someone thinks the same and I’m reassured that it’s normal.

This fertility thing is trying it’s best to turn me into a nervous wreck. I’ve been in it 10 months and not had a single appointment that’s been positive yet but we’ll get there (hopefully) 😀x

[Jonesjp in reply to Kyell2]

The appointments really can get you down especially when bad news seems to follow bad news, I think a lot of us are wrecks a lot of the time, so we’re in it together 😀 x x

[Jonesjp in reply to Kyell2]

Thank you hunny, your right we shouldn’t let this beat us and years ago it would have been tough I think I need to be more grateful for my IVF opportunity, never thought I’d say that lol 😊! X x

[A-Jay-]

You are not at all alone thinking about this.. so sorry to know you have gone through so much in your life.. i was also thinking can i ever get pregnant.. i am 28 with low amh 🙁 feeling very low right now..

[Jonesjp in reply to A-Jay-]

Sorry to hear your feeling so low hunny, I find this journey such a difficult one to get my head around, one day you can feel quite positive and think right with help we’ll get there and other days it can just feel soul destroying and all you can think about!! I wish you positive days and a big hug x x x

[NMP1026]

I can honestly say that I think that this is another one of those crazy things that the fertility lark does to to you. When we got my OH's diagnosis I completely blamed myself. Every little thing that I had done in my past or the fact that I have lost both parents. I honestly believed that it was nature telling me. However when I stop to think a little more rationally it's my amazing OH who has the diagnosis. He would make the best dad anyone could ever ask for. He definitely doesn't deserve it. Although IVF - ICSI is awful. We are actually quite lucky to have this chance xx

[Jonesjp in reply to NMP1026]

I’d never really thought of being able to have IVF as being lucky, but you know your a 100% right, there are so many people over the world without basic medical care and here I have the option of IVF, this thought is certainly a positive one to carry forward thank you hunny x x x

[Hidden]

Hi! I sometimes had thought similar things (I am a biologist so I also have those professional tendencies hehe). But... No! Stop It!

1. Other unfit and unheatlhy people do also have babies (people on drugs, etc)

2. Under real natural selective circumstances, few of us would be parents (most of us would probably be dead by now and we aren't thanks to antibiotics)

3. Being very fertile is not that good under natural selection: if you have a lot of offspring, it would be difficult for you to take good care of all of them. I like telling myself that being not-very-fertile was probably good in the old times 😌

4. Again, under real natural selection, the concept of fit and healthy is changing. Nature doesn't want all of us the same way (otherwise we would all be exact clones!), it needs variety, It likes changes and mutation, because depending on the circumstances "fittest" is different. As an example, in some regions there are blood diseases that are very common, that is because the disease makes that people resistant to something even more life threatening, like malaria.

So, shake it all off!

[Jonesjp in reply to Hidden]

I love your reply hunny, if I think about it properly and not with my irrational hormonal crazy head on, there are certainly people you see and think wow “they’ve” had children lol! 😊 it is just one those things ❤️ x x

[Anipea]

I do think this sometimes but then I also think, if this is the way nature intended, perhaps I might have fallen pregnant years ago if there hadn't been such a thing as birth control and contraception. Also a lot of us would have died by now if we didn't have medicine and technology to live longer. I also think our modern environment and exposure to chemicals and pollution in addition to stresses of modern life have not helped people and are probably cause to most of our infertility issues. So when I think about it all together I think right now we might have all been ok fertility wise.

[Jonesjp in reply to Anipea]

Your right Hun, things have changed so much and there’s so much “unexplained” infertility now it makes you wonder how much modern life has caused this! Let’s hope modern medicine can give us our little miracles and counter it!! X x

[Jonesjp]

Thank you ladies for all of your comments, I think this infertility lark does just make you overthink things, I think sometimes we are so desperate for answers we think the most random of thoughts, you have certainly made me feel more “normal” 😊 so thank you all and much love and baby dust to you all ❤️❤️

[ClarabGlasgow]

You are not alone this has crossed my mind too but then I think exactly as others have said below, we rely on modern medicine for everything & very few of us would be alive without it. I am struggling with secondary infertility but my first daughter is just perfect so it wouldn’t make any sense that me&oh couldnt pro create again. With infertility there is just no rhyme or reason, it seems it can come and go st any time. Fingers crossed for us both it will come to us soon! Good luck with your journey xxx

[Jonesjp in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

Thanks for you reply hunny, all types of infertility is so frustrating, but secondary infertility must make no sense at all. It must lead people into a false sense of security as you have no reason to think it wouldn’t work second time around. It’s just rubbish all ways around. Yes fingers crossed hunny 🍀🍀🍀🍀 x x x

[ClarabGlasgow in reply to Jonesjp]

Thanks so much I know I am so incredibly lucky to have one and I adore her but yes you are right i assumed from that that I was fertile. To be honest all the health visitors told me how fertile I’d be after childbirth & I was thrown a lot of contraceptives and even a special pill to take whilst breastfeeding which I really didn’t ask for (and I hadn’t been on the pill in years prior to that) . If I had known secondary infertility was a possibility there’s no way I would have used those or waited a few years before trying again. There’s a lot of educating to be done as the gp was even surprised when I told her I’d read that secondary infertility was as common as primary. Our bodies are strange things. Good luck xx

[Janer85]

I feel the same too, I keep thinking I must be not meant to be a parent and I know it’s a very negative way to feel but you just can’t help it can you. I had a failed Ivf in December 2016 was meant to be doing a round this year, but because I can’t shake the feeling of never been a parent off, we have put doing another round for the time being xx

[Jonesjp in reply to Janer85]

Aw hunny I’m sorry your feeling that way as well and you really do have to be in the right mindset to put yourself through the process. I know it’s not always a comfort, but the replies to this post have made me realise I’m not the only one that thinks like this. After reading others thoughts on this I’m going to try and think about it in a different way 😀. I hope you can shake this off hunny and we’re always here if you need to offload x x x