It feels like every month a new friend is announcing their pregnant and I have been trying for years longer with failed cycles...
Does anyone have any coping mechanisms? I come away from catch ups with friends feeling so low, angry, fed up and now isolated as I can’t relate to what they are going through and it’s like salt rubbed in wounds hearing about it.
They are sensitive to my situation but I try and ask loads questions and make a fuss of them as know I would want them to be like that if I was the one pregnant.
I need advice how to get the evil thoughts out my head and advice on how to cope with this jealousy please. X
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Melrey
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I just want to say that how you deal with it resonates with me because I do the exact same. Ask lots of questions because I hope people will take an interest when/if my time comes.
I don't know what to say to help, but just wanted to let you know that although it's so isolating and angering, that you're not alone because a lot on this site have experienced the same.
Thinking of you and just message if you want to chat. X
I feel you! I can’t cope with people right now either.
Listen to your body. Get on the sofa. Ignore the phone calls. Cancel your appointments. Binge watch rubbish and do things you want.
This is your time, don’t let anyone take that away from you x
It's all so bloody unfair isn't it when you want something and can't have it yet others have it easy.
It's natural to feel jealous when you find out someone else has something you want for yourself as it shows you are interested and want the same for you.
If all that going to certain events does is upset you then don't go just say sorry you can't come.
Yea I think I need time out but then again I feel bad as don’t want the pregnant people to feel awkward or for it to cause friction. I got home just now and burst into tears! Why is it so easy for what seems like everyone but me! Obvs I know it’s hard for us all but u feel so lonely when u don’t physically have anyone else going through this situation x
I know exactly how you feel! I isolated myself lost most my friends as I struggled to cope. This in turn jus makes u more unhappy as u have no escape to jus be 'normal and take ur mind of things having a laugh with friends. So so hard and haven't found a solution but ur not alone
Hi melrey, my ivf counsellor told me my feelings which I thought was jealousy was in fact grief for my own infertility. This has helped me beat myself up a bit less as it’s not evil thoughts towards others, and it reminds me to be kind to myself. I’m still working on this (it’s still new) but it is helping me. It’s so tough having to be in these situations again and again, our resilience is really tested to the max! But we’re strong because we have to be. Good luck xx
You’re better at this than I was, I was so bitter about my friends being pregnant and so whenever they made the slightest complaint I’d jump down their throats. Equally though, I don’t think they really thought about my situation but I would never expect anyone to understand what us ladies have to deal with.
Sometimes it’s good to not pretend. I know it’s difficult to not catch up with friends, but it sounds like you’re pretending everything is ok because you don’t want to upset them or make them feel awkward. But what about your feelings? Self preservation is important and you have to look after number 1 sometimes. People who don’t understand may well feel that you’re being unreasonable, if you’re not up for catching up with them, people did with me, but you know what...No one can possibly understand unless they’ve been through it and even then we all have different coping mechanisms.
Take care of yourself and know that what you’re feeling is totally normal xxxx
I so hear you! I feel exactly the same. These thoughts are all normal don’t worry. You are human! I don’t have any major words of wisdom for how to cope with it except to allow yourself to be jealous etc without shaming yourself. if it’s too much to hang around preg woman right now, true friends will understand. you are not alone though, I’m sure all of us going through this journey are experiencing similar. Big big hugs 🤗
I hear ya love! The comment above about these feelings actually reflecting your own grief for your infertility are so very true. I’m reading a great book now called Coping with Infertility and has helped me to feel validated and to recognise that these feelings are normal. Some people advocate telling your friends you need to take a break from them or at least from the pregnancy conversations. I’ve not done this and sadly what I have done is let contact with my pregnant and new mum friends dwindle. Interestingly they haven’t gone out of their way to keep contacting me. I wish it wasn’t this way but I can’t myself do otherwise, the book does say this is a valid coping mechanism....
There are a lot of women on here that know exactly what it’s like to be in the same situation. Personally I got so annoyed, angry and bitter I just had to withdraw. (TTC 7 years). I just used whatever excuse I could really. It was the only way I could deal with it in the end. My best friends understood and were happy with the odd text conversation here and there but some other friends just dumped me and moved on with their new mum friends. I did also throw myself into work, go on some amazing holidays and even moved house. I just had to stay away from those friends that were pregnant. I also started going to places where I wouldn’t see people with children and avoiding places (like supermarkets and town centre) where I knew there would be people with babies and kids. Do whatever works for you. Your best friends will understand if you can’t cope seeing them but you can still keep in contact.
Now I am (finally, after a lot of ups and downs and massive financial expense) pregnant myself I have avoided my friend who had her first failed transfer a few weeks after me so as not to irritate her, as I know what it’s like!
I know exactly how you feel, and it seems lots of others do on here too. It's just so hard to hear, especially when we all want it so much. I'm feeling really down with it all too so here if you ever want to talk, moan, swear, cry... 😘 xx
I felt the same, I avoided most my friends with babies/children because it was just too hard and felt angry a lot. At the age of almost 43 I finally had my beautiful baby boy. So hang in there, your time will come. Someone said that to me and I thought easy for you to say. I have reconnected with some of the friends I avoided and they were really nice when I had my boy with gifts and making an effort. So don't beat yourself up what you're feeling is normal.
Anti depressants. After 8 years of trying and failed cycles, I had to do something. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It's helped me so much mentally that when I hear of another pregnancy it really doesn't bother me anymore. Before i was hysterical but now I'm like meh.
I'm starting IVf again and my doctor isn't concerned that I'm on happy pills. Fyi 10mg citalopram
Hi Melrey! How are you? I hope you are feeling better. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is a hard thing to deal with when all people around you are getting bfps and you are just stuck there. But you need to hold back your feelings. These are you friends, i am sure they understand your situation. You also need to be there for them in their happiness. It's nothing bad to feel like that, but you need to try for them. I hope this helps you. Good luck! Take care. Stay blessed. Bye!
Hi Melrey! I hope you are feeling better. I can understand what you are feeling right now. It feels really bad when it's so hard for you and so easy for the people around you. It's hard for people who are not struggling with infertility to understand this. They don't know how painful it is to deal with all that. Whenever you are feeling low or something, you can come on this forum and talk about it. That's what I used to do. When you are with them, just don't think about it much. I hope this helps you. Take care. Stay blessed. Good luck. Bye!
Hi Melrey! How are you now? It's not easy to digest that thing. People around you are getting their BFPs and you are not even close to that. That can make you lose your mind. I have been there so i can understand your situation. But that's something that they can't understand. They are not infertile, they don't know how it feels. That's why it's important for you to stay on this forum to help you through those feelings. I will pray that things get easier for you. Take good care of yourself. Best of Luck. My blessings are with you. Goodbye!
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