Happy but sad....

[Lilli79]

So my mum just sent me a message to say that my SIL is pregnant with her 2nd.I'm actually really really happy for them as they went through the same hardship as the rest of us to conceive their first (2 failed ivf). I am teary though and I really don't know why. I feel bad for being sad as my mum said they were afraid to tell me in case I got upset & I think they shouldn't have to worry about things like that at such a happy time. I also think that because after her 2 failed ivf then she got pregnant naturally and this one is also natural that I am upset because I am totally convinced at this stage that a natural conception will never happen for us. I mean we all hope right? But I just feel that I could never be that lucky. Just feeling a bit rubbish now, life is a big bag of s**t sometimes. Sorry just had to vent....

[Hidden]

Hi Lilli,

I totally get it. You are happy for your SIL and you will be excited for them but it doesn't change your situation and other peoples happiness can be the hardest thing of all to deal with. My own SIL just got married this June, she is 5 years younger than me and I am dreading the thought that she will fall pregnant any day and here I am struggling after trying for 4 years! It scares me so much!

You are entitled to feel the way you do. Good luck on your journey xx

[Tugsgirl]

You are happy for them but it’s ok to be sad for you xx

[Lilli79 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thanks Tugsgirl i hope you are doing OK. Stay strong, we WILL have our babies! I am so determined for us xxxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Lilli79]

I’m still hoping. Sometimes I don’t know where to start, it’s overwhelming. Just taking it one day at a time xx

[Littledee88]

Infertility sucks.Ur right tugs it's ok to be happy for others but sad for urself. I have learned that sometimes instead of thinking about others and putting them first sometimes u need to put urself first and look after number one. It's great other people are having babies but if it's going to upset us don't push ourself into pleasing others do what's right for us and our mental health, sorry if it seems like I am ranting xx

[Allybally81 in reply to Littledee88]

Totally agree! I've tried for 10 years off and on and have learnt that I come first now. I won't put myself in certain situations, be part of uncomfortable conversations just to please other folk. I wish people would also learn not to ask why I don't have children, I used to skirt around an answer but now I'm blunt as it's actually a super private thing to ask! Xxx

[Fredaflintstone]

Totally understandable - it's not that you are unhappy for them, just sad for you. It's really hard. Xx

[Leesara]

It's totally ok to be sad for you still oxo

[Hidden]

Of course you are glad for them and wouldn't wish harm on them but you are sad for you and your situation as it hurts to see others getting something you want so badly for yourself