A little advice please

[SRS8]

We are in the middle of our second cycle after TTC for over 2 and a half years now.

My sister in law is due to go in for a planned c-section today for her 3rd baby and I am torn whether to visit her.

Half of me thinks that I should - he is my nephew and I won't allow what I'm going through to define me.

The other half thinks, who am I actually doing this for because I'm pretty sure it's not me. Will I be able to control my emotions - I certainly don't want to break down in tears.

My husband wants to go and I feel that I need to be there to support him, after all, he is going through this journey too, but I just don't know what to do.

So I thought I would ask what you would do, from people who would understand the predicament?!

Thanks xxx

[E_05]

I was in the same situation earlier in the year, my 3rd cycle had just been unsuccessful and my SIL had my nephew (I to wrote a post asking). I think the best advice everyone gave me was see how you feel on the day, you need to do what's right for you and put yourself first. If that means you don't feel strong enough to visit the hospital then don't wait until their home.

Don't put any pressure on yourself though if you don't go, I decided I was going to do what was right for me and I couldn't face walking into a maternity ward xx

[Amanda86]

Great advice from E-05, I completely agree. Do whatever feels right for you on the day and don't feel guilty if you decide your not able to go.

You need to think about yourself in this situation and put yourself first. They'll understand 🙂 Xxx

[Fredaflintstone]

I agree - do what is right for you. There will be plenty of time to meet your new nephew xx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi SRS8. This is always a difficult decision to make, but on the whole I agree with the other girls here. Your feelings are the most important at the moment, and you shouldn't feel forced to do anything you feel you can't cope with at the moment. See how you feel when baby arrives, and if you can't face a visit, then send her a card with a gift in if you want, and just say that you look forward to seeing their little one soon. No need for excuses, you will see him when you are ready, and never mind what others may think, your husband will explain. Look after you, and I do hope all continues to go well with this cycle and ends positive for you. Thinking of you. Diane

[Leesara]

It's duh s diffiuclt decision but I would agree fully with other posts.... see how you feel on the day oxo

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I'm going to swim against the tide and say that if you can go then I recommend you do. We are all stronger than we think.

I love being an auntie and, in the absence of children of my own, my nieces and god-daughter are very special to me.

Visiting my SIL in hospital four years ago was bittersweet but the effort I put in then, has paid off in that my now four year old niece is a source of joy in my life. If I hadn't tried hard in the beginning, I'm not sure if my SIL would have been as willing to let me share in so many special moments in the years since she was born. For example, I've had the privilege of looking after my niece for the past couple of days to help out with her first week at school (she's on half days and her parents both work)... I might never get to have these experiences with my own child so I am sure as hell going to appreciate them with my wider family, despite the personal heartache.

You're right, fertility takes a lot away from us. I don't want it to take any more away from me or my wider family. In normal circumstances you'd never consider not visiting a family member in hospital. And I agree your husband deserves your support too.

I know not everyone feels like this but I thought I'd put forward an alternative view and remind you that being strong is sometimes necessary and usually worth it.

Best wishes.

[SRS8]

Thank you all for your advice.

I decided to go to the hospital last night and I'm so pleased I did.

Don't get me wrong, it was up there with one of the toughest things I've done, but I feel that sometimes I have put my life on hold because of fertility issues and who know how much longer they will go on for.

I didn't want to miss out on such a special moment. And I really surprised my self how strong I actually am!

So I just wanted to thank you all!

[7AVA in reply to SRS8]

I just wanted to say well done SRS8 xxx