Fertility Network UK

The Wait

Hi,

First day on this forum and not sure where to even begin.

My husband and I have been trying for a little one since August 2015. I went to the doctors in January this year and accepted on to the IVF waiting list in June currently a years wait in our area.

I have really been struggling lately with the whole situation. The past two weeks in particular I have felt totally overwhelmed with the arrival of another period and two friends finding out they are expecting. I feel constantly anxious with that horrible knot in my stomach and feel like I'm either crying or fighting back the tears.

I have made an appointment for counselling.

I feel I have turned in to this unrecognisable person from who I was.

Has anyone else experience this and offer any advice I feel like I'm losing my mind x

13 Replies
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I have been where you are and it's the hardest point! I can tell you the only way is up now! I went for reflexology and the lovely lady told me to write a journal. I also joined this forum. And admitted to my husband I wasn't coping well any more. All these things helped me deal with the hard situation and it gradually started to get better. Once I had tests and appointments to focus on, these were little goals and hurdles, meant I was moving forward! What I did try while waiting for IVF on NHS was IUI privately as my area don't fund it, and we were very lucky it worked! Good luck with your journey, use us for support and I hope you feel a bit better soon xxx

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hi, totally relate to how you're feeling as many of us will on here. Ex husband and I were trying for 2 years and nothing happened and it's totally depressing, distressing and everything in between. We were once in Babies R Us looking for a present for a friend's child and I had a complete meltdown in the shop and had to run outside. Keep positive that your time will come and at least you're making some positive steps to move forward. Best wishes with it all, I know all the waiting is frustrating but it'll soon come around. Xx

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Thank you to you both just reassuring that others have been there. My friends and family don't understand and feel totally alone in this battle with myself. I hate being upset in front of my husband as I don't want him to get upset about the situation difficult enough for him. A friend (who told me today she is 5 weeks pregnant) has offered to do reflexology heard some good things about it so will give that a go too x

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Sadly we've all been there and it doesn't get any easier. Just know that you're not alone here xx

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Hi

I've just joined the forum today too and have already been overwhelmed with the feeling of support from everyone on here, just wish I'd done it sooner. I hope you find it a positive experience too.

I wanted to just reply to you as I can totally relate to how you are feeling. And I really have found it helpful just knowing there are people out there who genuinely understand and feel the same way. It's so frustrating dealing with disappointment month after month while trying to pretend to the outside world that you're fine. I too have forgotten the person I used to be, but we're still in there somewhere I'm sure of it!

I've had many friends announce pregnancies and each one is a mixture of being happy for them but also feeling like it's just not fair. A few months ago was my low point when I got my period the day of my closest friends baby shower (we had got married and started ttc around the same time) and I still don't know how I kept my brave face on! I really didn't want to take away from her happy moment but it was a very isolating feeling.

I've been having counselling through my fertility clinic which has been great and also I've taken a break from social media to focus on us for a while. I think it's important to be kind to yourself, and take each thing as it comes (much easier said than done I know).

Good luck with it all, I really wish you every success x

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Such positive people you all are and so encouraging thank you xxx

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Hey hun

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Unfortunately the feelings and emotions you have explained are quite normal. This journey can feel very isolating and scary however you are not alone. You well get some great advice, support and comfort from this forum. It also sounds like you are doing everything you can, you have sought counselling and joined this site so well done to you!!! Welcome to the forum xx

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You made a good point! I too believe that being optimistic can at least make the heartache bearable. Got to count on small happiness here and there to last through the infertility journey. Thanks!! Feeling a little positive already after reading all the support you ladies share in here. :)

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Hi GCC - I think that feeling is all too familiar with many of us. It's great that you have recognised the change in yourself and you have made steps to see the counsellor, theses are really positive signs. It is such a difficult journey but good support is key. I hope you are feeling much brighter soon x x x

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You are not alone sweetie feeling this. So don't be too hard on yourself. We all are or were have feeling /felt the way you are feeling. You will be alright. Take this waiting period as an opportunity to learn more about your body. Start with reading books. And prepare yourself for the big beast called "IVF". Who knows you might not need it at the end and you fell pregnant naturally. Anything can happen!! Stay positive & strong 💪🏻

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Welcome to the forum hunny, I could have wrote your post myself! You will find so much support on here, I really don't think I would cope so well without all these ladies to keep me sane!! X

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Sorry to know that you had to go through it too - I can relate! :(

I won't be much of a help though; joined the forum today and I'm as clueless as you are.

I guess I too changed bit by bit between the "oh god, please" before HPT and trying hard to refrain from breaking down into tears thereafter. Coping with infertility isn't as easy as it sounds. Mine has been tagged as "unexplained" to even make it worse.

at times it's even hard to hold onto hope. Also, the futile TTC gets unbearable when you see people conceiving right away. I'm really happy for them but doesn't help me feel any better about my infertility. Hope people won't misjudge me for that!

I'd suggest you follow the stories of hope and successful IVF. It'll keep you optimistic throughout the waiting period at least. Wish you luck!!

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Hi GCC, I've definitely been there, and sometimes (like today) revisit there!! Counselling is a brilliant idea, id be totally lost without it, and acupuncture is good. Today I've got one of our bests friends baby's first birthday, and neither of us really want to go, but equally don't want to be left behind by everyone else, it's a very odd place to be in. But I can say it doesn't feel like this all the time, and you're definitely not losing your mind, and the fact that you have recognised how you feel will help you address it in counselling. We've all been here at some point so keep talking on here and you'll find lots of support xxxx

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