Fertility Network UK
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When will it get easier

Good morning to all you strong ladies and gents. Not posted for a while. Since my miscarriage 6 weeks ago I just feel totally empty. Everything is acting as a trigger to set me off crying again. Out with friends and they're all talking about babies / children, the news (so sad), went out for a walk thinking it would help and walked past the graveyard and saw a stone with the name we'd chosen for our little one, bawling at the Coronation St storyline, bought paint for our spare room to channel my energy into something but I'm now upset we got green not blue or pink. Literally everything is setting me off and I can't see a way out. I know someone here recently met up with someone in her area. Friends say I should speak to a counsellor and whilst I know they're highly trained I'd rather speak to people in my position. Sorry for the vent. I just needed people who'll understand xx

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Aww Louise I'm so sorry to hear you are still feeling very raw.

It is all just natural feelings. I think the problem with IVF is the good days are very quickly followed by painfully empty days.

Do you feel ready to focus on your next steps? Maybe putting your plans in place will help give you some focus again.❤😘

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So sorry for your loss and totally understand the way your feeling. It'll take time as you grieve for your baby but maybe speaking to someone would help. Last year I bottled it all up thinking I could just keep going like everything was okay, it wasn't until I spoke to a 'befriender' that I started to process everything we'd been through and realise I could open up about my baby. My inbox is always open if you want to talk xx

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It's totally natural, when we had our miscarriage at 8 weeks I was beside myself, I didn't want to see anyone and just wanted to hide with my husband. I did let myself experience all the shit emotions, I wrote a lot in my diary and saw my counsellor who helped a lot! I also carried on with the acupuncture as I felt I needed to heal. It does get easier, and you will start to feel yourself again, but I would definitely recommend counselling, even just for a couple of session, give you a space to rant and not to have to take on anyone else's problems! Xxxx

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Hi Louise I am sorry you're really struggling it's a time that will never leave you and a pain that not many people will understand what we've been through, we have been lucky to get away for small holidays and Leah insisted we go in October on holiday. It has really healed us and kept us strong as a couple although there was a wobble last week with a lady expecting in the swimming pool I couldn't help but keep looking wondering that's what my tummy should look like now and Leah knew what I was thinking! I think it's positive to look to the future so try to do that but unfortunately it's a tragic memory and will scar us forever please try and look for the sunshine xx

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Hey Hun

I feel your pain like it was just yesterday for me.

Contact SANDS. They are wonderful xx

They listened when I cried listened when I was silent...

The pain does get easier and you will have good days and bad days for us we get to go to a cemetery and lay his flowers.

Maybe you should plant something to make your baby a nice flower Tasha to blossoms everyear xx

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Hi Louisear

I was messaging with you when my treatment began and you were so supportive.

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling and don't know what to say.

I obv did not get anywhere near as far as you guys did but I would say it hit me harder than I thought it would.

Just wanted to let you know I've hit out the other side and there are still days when I am sad and feeling pissed off. But I've learnt a lot through this.

The times when you don't want to talk can be the best Ines to pick up the phone!

If any friends or family offer help, a coffee take it.

Take it really slowly, everything you do however small is a step forward.

I would say I wouldn't be where I am now without my weekly counselling sessions honestly it has been a lifeline for me!

Might be good just to get it out and talk to a third party who is not connected.

Last annoying tip! Keep it simple! 😀😀😀

big hugs 🤗

Heregoes77

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Oh Louise... every word you have written completely resonated with me. I've always approached things as 'crying won't make it any better' and tried to get on with my life as much as possible, as soon as possible. Then you get to a point where everything sets you off like you say, and the tears don't stop coming.

I'm booked in to see a counsellor in a couple of weeks to talk things through, as I've come to realise that maybe this isn't the best way to be. This journey has definitely changed me as a person, and not in a good way (apart from being more resilient maybe). We just muddle through as best we can don't we. Whereabouts are you from? I'm in Cheshire or if you're further afield you can message me any time xxxxx

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I'm really sorry for your loss. Look after yourself and know you are not alone. X

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Thinking of you xx

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