When does it get easier?

I have been really struggling this past couple of weeks. I find myself looking at pregnant women and people pushing prams thinking thats never going to be me. I don't know how to get myself out of this rut. I really don't want to go back to needing anti depressants. I just feel that any spare minute i have my mind rushes back to it. Its just so hard to try and be postive about the whole situation or even try and tell myself that it might never happen.

9 Replies

  • It started to get easier for me after counselling if I'm honest. But even then it's a world of unknown about what will happen. I started to focus on other things that I enjoyed, getting fit, making things, going for walks. Some days were still hard. But the counselling made me realise what I was feeling was normal. When going through IVF it felt like I had some control again, and that we were doing something positive. I wish you well. x

  • Thank for your reply Dee! I really find it hard to focus my mind unless i am at work. I really feel for my husband as i know he is going through it too but find it really difficult to get my head away from it!!

  • I know exactly how u feel. I feel like am losing the plot,its like i cannot think of anything else. Dont feel like going out with friends incase one of them talks about kids and i wont be able to handle the conversation or i feel guilty for not staying focussed on having a child.Its like merry go round of disappointment each month when checking ovulation, getting busy then finding out my period has started. I dont talk to friends or family about this. I acknowledge that i may need counselling but i am on a waiting list to see one...i need to feel like myself again.

    Just too let u know that u are not alone

  • Thank you! Its is never ending. I just hole that soon I can accept that it may not happen. And i believe that is the most difficult part of this process.

  • It is hard to see pregnant women with bumps and prams and it is also difficult to imagine that one day it will be you.

    I also found that counselling really helped me so I would definitely recommend that. I also agree that finding hobbies to take your mind off things and relieve stress help. I tried Tai Chi, jogging, adult colouring books etc but I know others have found baking, yoga, Pilates and walking to help. It's about finding what works for you.

    Take care x

  • Hi as per the previous posts I think most woman I have been through this. I have been TTC for 4 years and def had those feelings for a while. What I realised was I didn't really like myself for feeling that way and how could I feel that way about people who are only doing what I am dreaming of! Positive thinking and visualisation is such a stronger and nicer way to focus your mind and you turn things around for yourself. I have a reflexologist now and within a few weeks I have regained the positivity I had in th beginning and am positive I will get pregnant soon and its my time to be that woman.

    You are not alone xx

  • You're not alone hun and everyone will have or will be feeling like that at some point. The main thing I focus on is that this feeling won't last forever. You have to keep positive because the ultimate out come isn't going to change by feeling negative but feeling positive and being positive might help you get through that day. Take it step by step. Cry when ypu need to (i do lots!!)... scream and shout and punch pillows!! Give yourself a break and appreciate everything you...YOU have done so far. Your body and mind have been through some huge ups and downs. But I bet you're stronger for it!! I haven't told many people but those that know are a trustworthy and supportive group of close family and friends. Make sure you have a support network who ypu can talk to...rant at... or get extremely drunk with! Sometimes yout might need to completely switch off from it all and have some yout time... you'll feel so much better with a break. Counselling really helped me too..... Most of all..... don't beat yourself up.... and absolutely dont give up. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀Xxxxxxxxx

  • I understand how you feel. After 6 rounds of ICSI and 2 miscarriages I've had enough. The counsellor says I'm doing great and should just take each day at a time but I wake up every morning and just willing myself to get up is a huge effort. I feel like a hamster on a wheel- trying and trying but it all pointless and I'm not going anywhere. I don't even care anymore when people tell me they are effortlessly pregnant- I used to get upset but what's the point of all of that energy, it won't change anything and it's never going to be me. I feel like I'm waiting for something to change but it won't and there's nothing to look forward to. I saw a lot of ladies suggested hobbies- I think that's good advice as a distraction, but basically you just have to find a way to sit with it. I really hope it changes for you xx

  • I know exactly how you feel also. It is so hard and you will have good days and bad days. Like someone else said in a post I am trying to do other things that I like or even new things (because why not - life is too short). I think it is easier if you are busy but when you get a quiet moment your mind goes back to things.

    We are also so hyper aware of things. You walk round the corner and there is a pregnant women coming towards you. Or for example I was stood in mother care collecting a 1 year birthday present for my nephew thinking - oh I would so love to spend time rummaging in the shop and been so excited about buying baby things - instead I could not get out of there quick enough.

    Don't be hard on yourself. It is only normal to have these emotions but try to focus all that energy positively.

    I wish you all the best.

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