Hi, this is my first post, so feeling a bit nervous but just wanted to share my journey so far and see if anyone out there has been through the same...
We've been trying to conceive for over two years now. 6 months in I found out that I wasn't ovulating and so the emotional rollercoaster ensued. Appointments (cancelled, delayed and longed for), investigations, waiting for diagnosis, uncertainty and worry. I was diagnosed 9 months later with PCOS and prescribed (what I thought would be a miracle drug) clomid. The 6 months I was on clomid (with a months break in between) were hell. I felt so down and like a completely different person. Not to mention the pressure it puts on you. Although I ovulated the first month, every round was unsuccessful. As soon as I came off clomid I felt like a switch was flicked and I was back to my normal self. So the next step came, which I thought was to meet with a consultant and discuss options, but actually (to my complete surprise as the doctors had never mentioned this was even a possibility) I had bee referred for IVF. After I got over the initial shock & learnt more about it, I started to feel excited and positive about it.
Luckily I didn't have any side effects on the down regulation drugs, but once I started the stimulation phase, I became very bloated. I had all the early signs of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. My clinic kept a very close eye on me & every stage seemed to be touch and go. We almost had the whole cycle cancelled at my final progress scan as I was so over stimulated, but luckily I was just at the cut off and made it to egg collection. They got 24 eggs, 15 of which were fertilised. I felt ok immediately after the op, but as they'd collected so many eggs I had to go back in for a scan the following day to see if I would be able to have egg transfer or if they would have to freeze everything as wait until I'd recovered.
2 days after my op, I really went down hill. I was so ill. Nauseous, dizzy, breathless, extremely bloated, vomiting and in a lot of pain. This got worse over the next few days and I had to speak to the hospital every day to update them as to how I was. during this time I was so worried they wouldn't let me have the transfer. It was a horrible time.
Day 5 came and I managed to make it to egg transfer, though right before we went in I was sick in the consultants sink! I really thought we wouldn't be able to go ahead, but we did. I felt so emotional when I saw our embryo on the screen. When they implanted it, it looked like a little shooting star. I was so happy, but still so ill, once we left I almost forgot about what had happened!
The two week wait wasn't as bad as I imagined mostly because I was concentrating on getting better. I had to go for more scans as I couldn't breathe and they were worried that there was fluid on my lungs. Luckily all was ok on that front.
Finally the day came for my blood test. I was so nervous and hopeful. It had taken so long for us to get to this point and I was really hoping that this would be the beginning of the end. Unfortunately, the nurse called to tell me that we had been unsuccessful. I was obviously devastated and just didn't know what to do with myself. It's so gutting to have got so far and I feel like I've fallen at the last hurdle. The nurse just said that despite everything looking great there is just an element of luck. I was so hoping that we would be one of the lucky ones.
It's now a week on and today I'm just feeling so empty. I'm so tired of feeling sad and having to fight all the time. I know I need to stay positive and had been doing really well and had a level of acceptance that I hadn't had before, so just putting this down to a bad day.
We now have to wait 3 months before we can start treatment again for our FET. Apparently, I need to inject buseriline again and then take a tablet. It won't be as hard on me as I won't have to go on the stimulating drugs (and so won't get OHSS again). I know I need to stay positive and that I won't give up, but there's that little voice inside me that is worrying how I'll cope if next time is also unsuccessful. I know it can take many attempts and that there are no guarantees, but I do believe IVF will work for us. I have to keep strong and not fall apart, for my sake as well as my husbands!