Hey everyone, it's been 7 weeks since our 4th ivf cycle ended in a chemical pregnancy and we've took some time out..had some fun, done nice things together, quality time etc and just generally been ourselves again..off the 'rollercoaster' that is fertility treatment. We have give one another space to get our individual heads together and made a pact not to talk about it too much, we figured it has taken over enough of our lives and minds and we just needed some normality.
This weekend though we have started to broach what we might do next, I've been so confused since our last cycle because I'm not sure if I can put us through it all again but while there is the tiniest shred of hope (we've previously had good quality blastocysts etc) it's hard to make a final decision. We can only afford to do one more cycle but can't help thinking what a waste of (much needed!) money it would be if it fails again. I'm being realistic and can't help wondering what would be the point, we've already tried pretty much everything (an endometriosis treatment, endometrial scratch, embryo glue etc) can we really expect the outcome to be different a 5th time?? I feel sure that my endometriosis is preventing an embryo implanting or being able to develop when it does implant but, short of having more surgery (which I'd rather not) or lots of other tests/treatment, I don't think we can expect a different outcome.
We have started discussing adoption and while we haven't made a final decision, we both feel it could be the thing for us and have agreed to do some research. I didn't think my hubby would feel this way because I used to work in child protection so he frequently heard about the negative side my job. There was also a lot of positive stories though..
There have been so many tears, and we're still grieving and devastated that ivf hasn't been the answer for us. But in time you do get stronger and start feeling able to look forward and tentatively make your next steps. We don't know of course if we would definitely be accepted for adoption but starting to make a plan feels positive right now.
I hope you're all ok and if anyone is having a bad day, please know they won't all be like that.
Lots of love to all you amazing warriors, if anyone has any advice on adoption, or is considering the same route, please get in touch! 😘 xx