Advice please from people who are considering giving up or have had to give up with IVF (DEPRESSING STUFF AHEAD!)

Hi everyone.

We had a round of ICSI which resulted in one little embryo being put back, but a bfn. We had our follow up appointment last week & due to me having a low AMH & heading for early menopause our clinic said that our best option would be donor eggs. Our one little embryo was average & if we went again they could only offer the same treatment (their best), so the outcome would most likely be the same. If we had any success in the future it would be down to luck.

We had spoke about donor eggs in the past & it just isn't for us. My husband already has 2 boys from a previous relationship & I work with children, so we really wanted a mini us.

I was looking for advice & wisdom from anyone coming to terms with possibly giving up on their journey to have children or who have already made that decision.

Please reply or feel free to PM me.

Thanks in advance guys ☺ x

11 Replies

  • So sorry to hear about your failed cycle and your prognosis from the clinic... I feel like saying at our next review if we have one, 'don't mention donor eggs' because I feel it's such an easy one for them to say... What kind of stimms did you have? Have you considered natural IVF? Some clinics do a package as the odds are low per cycle, but if you do 3 then they just aim to get 1 or max 2 eggs at each and freeze. Quality is supposed to be possibly better if you don't have lots of stimms? I'm toying with mild stimulation IVF which aims to get 2-4 better quality ones if I go again. Just thinking it might be worth getting a second opinion from a clinic which specialises in low AMH (sorry if your current one already does).

  • We did ask our GP about natural IVF in the very early days of our IVF journey & her advice was that she didn't see the value of wasting our time on natural ivf when we have a very sort time scale of fertility. But I did wonder about natural IVF in the early days.

    For the cycle we had I was on buserilin, bemfola (I think 250, whatever the max is was what i had) & then menopur (450 maximum)

    Thanks for the reply & info on natural ivf, I didn't realise that less stimms would possibly create better quality & also no I hadn't thought about finding clinics that specialise in low AMH. I assume I would just Google for them in my area? x

  • Just a quick note to say I was told donor eggs only option and that we had less than 2% chance with ivf. I thought I would be OK with donor eggs but when it came to it didn't feel like I was ready to give up up on the 'mini us' and I don't think I could have reconciled it with myself at that point. Low amh, low spermatogenesis count, early menopause all led me to natural ivf, 3 package. We did it all in about a 4 month window - uber stressful but in the end successf! I am now 34 weeks pregnant with still a couple of embies in the bank. The quality of my one or two eggs was so much betterthan the one or two I go from the high dosage protocols. It's such and personal decision ... only really you know when or if you are ready to walk away. A counsellor isn't a failure in that sense it is some one with no vested interest that you can be truly honest with , so maybe you can be fully honest with yourself .... the hardest thing in this process I think! Good luck and take care whatever you decide. Xxxxxx

  • Thank you ever so much Datak. Your reply was very helpful & there's a good few tips for me to take on board x

  • Hi really sorry to hear this. We were in this exact same position back in august.

    I was told donor eggs were our only hope. I've never keen on going down that route. We opted for adoption and got accepted within a few months. I know adoption isn't for everyone tho xx

  • Wow you have done an amazing thing. I hope your adoption journey goes smoothly and you have a very happy outcome ☺ x

  • Thank you hopefully xx

  • Hey Stulisa,

    So sorry to read your post and our turmoil at where you go from here.

    Without knowing your medical situation its hard to say whether you should move forward and accept what you have been told etc.

    After only 1 cycle (I know thats horrendous in itself) it can be hard to gather enough info to make an informed decision.

    Perhaps you could seek an alternative opinion from an alternative specialist to weigh up the info.

    If you have accepted your drs advices at the moment and you are certain donor eggs or adoption is not for you then I really would recommend some counselling. Its not for everyone but I dont think it would do you any harm.

    Not sure how recent your news is either but it can take you some time to get your head around it.

    I did not think I would have considered the donor egg route either but now that I am 4 cycles in with that as my only option now I can not sign up quick enough.

    Your mind can change very quickly during this process so take some time and just make sure you reach out for support from whoever you can as its important to talk about how your feeling.

    Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide xx

  • Thanks for your advice.

    I was considering counselling even before we had this news (we only found this out 4 days ago so it is still very early days). The problem is (& I don't mean to offend anyone) that I'm a very happy & positive person & I see counselling as if I'm failing with my emotions, so I'm finding it a bit hard to make the first appointment. However more and more people are saying I should talk about things, so maybe I should listen to them!

    Somebody else in PM did mention a second opinion, so maybe that would be worth a shot x

  • Hey Mrs, it is absolutely a personal choice and not for everyone.

    Wishing you well xx

  • After 3 cycles with one miscarriage we had a new consultant tell me my egg quality is really poor as my oestrogen levels become abnormally high during stimming. She suggested donor eggs but said we could try a clomid IVF cycle as sometimes the quality is better.

    We had egg collection last week but despite 6 plus follicles we only got one egg. After a stressful week it made it to blastocyst and is frozen (clomid leaves your lining no good so can't have transfer in same cycle). I'm pretty sure that if the doesn't work then we'll go with donor eggs probably overseas. I'm 41 so not much time left.

    My sister adopted after failed IVF and has an adorable 2 year old girl. She never considered egg donation.


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