OMG button it please!

So this week I've had more than the usual amount of nosy parkers forcing their opinions on me and my hubby saying - We must start a family, get a move on, surely you've had enough holidays now, oh you will have a family won't you and a range of having a baby based comments. (Uninvited as they often are)

I'm now sat down having a coffee chilling out and a older couple ask if they can use the chairs next to me (of course they can) and the first thing they bang on about is sodding babies.

Normally I don't give toss and I absolutely don't get jealous or upset about other people's pregnancy announcements etc but this week I'm like OMG give it a rest please!

[CountryCat]

Oh how thrilling 😬

All I can think of is Austin Powers' Dr Evil going "Zip it...zip it...zzzzziiiiip iiitt!" 😁

You are a saint!! Xx

[Hidden in reply to CountryCat]

Hahahaha I love Austin Powers I know exactly what you mean. TBH sometimes in the past I've said "well it's not that simple is it - "just" have a baby!" And watched them squirm

But now I just ignore it mostly or say I'm fine as I am thanks - this week though the people have pushed and pushed and pushed even when we said nope we don't want any they still went on and on!

Who knows what will come out of my mouth once I start on all these hormones though hahaha god help them is all I can say!

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

I have always found it so much easier to tell people, and the support I've received from people when I've had really bad times, like a miscarriage or a recent second ivf failure, has been amazing. Just this week I had flowers delivered out of the blue from some girl friends who live up north and I don't see very often... just cos they wanted to make me smile. And my friend in holland used Amazon.co.uk to send me some really thoughtful gifts as soon as she knew this ivf round had failed. Plus colleagues at work being very understanding about giving me a few minutes space if I need it. Saw former colleagues on Friday and updated them, and one put a card through my door on Saturday telling me she thought I was really brave.

I've only once had a really poor reaction after telling someone and I've decided she's just a really selfish person! (And I was feeling especially sensitive that day)

So, this long post is just to say, for me and my husband (but me especially), telling people about the difficulties we have had (and believe me, I tell EVERYONE), has been a very good thing. It really makes me appreciate the goodness and kindness in the people around me. I recommend it!

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

That's nice to hear I'm glad you are able to share it.

For me it's a highly private matter for me and my husband only x

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

It's such a shame that people are too ignorant to realise it's not a simple choice for everyone. I'm sorry you're having to bat back so many insensitive questions.

[7AVA in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

You sound like you have some wonderful friends Lizzie. I've told a few people but not really opened up to many - especially around work and I feel it's done me no favours. I might try more of your approach. People can't support you if they don't know can they? Thank you xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to 7AVA]

I didn't know they would be so great to begin with, although workwise I'm not too surprised as I'm a primary school teacher and it's a child-centred caring profession! I would probably think twice about sharing it at work in other circumstances, as I understand how it can lead to negative discrimination.

It's probably also worth saying that I am quite thick skinned - I ignore any embarrassment on the part of the listener. They just get to hear about it if it comes up in conversation... if they're embarrassed then tough. At least it means they know to avoid the topic in future!

Interestingly, I've not been able to talk very openly with my direct family about it... probably because it impacts them as well... it's my parents potential grandchildren and I feel bad making them feel sad! It's different with friends.

Final point: being open about our issues has meant that a friend has confided in me about being a surrogate and I've been able to support her through an ivf attempt. We are at the same clinic and actually saw each other there one day so I was very glad we had already known each other's story!!

[7AVA in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

That was lucky that you both knew! X

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

It's great you feel you want to be so open. For me it's my business and it's personal to me and my hubby and one or two very very close friends and family.

Really however even if I shared it widely I'm still just talking here about the gym goer or the man in the pub or the not so close acquaintances who just thinks it's ok to tell me to have kids and then press it and press it. I wouldn't mind one jot about embarrassing them and saying what I really thought to them back but for me i value my privacy and in those settings it would just be gossip.

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

Understood Rach- those people are insensitive fools who have no idea how lucky they are not to have experienced what we all experience. I hope you don't come across any of those people this week. 💜

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Hahaha they had better hope I don't come across them next week when I start down reg hahaha can't promise I'll be in control of my words then lol

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

One friend did tell me that, in her twenties, she asked an older colleague about children and was kindly told by this lady that it was an impolite question and she should consider her personal questions more carefully... I think it made a real impression on her, and she says she was glad it was pointed out to her. If you can't keep your mouth shut, don't worry about it, you might be doing someone in the future a favour as the person you snap at won't make the same mistake again... 😂

[Hidden in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

That's a good line I might adopt that actually!